Travel

Honeymoon West Coast trip: Mount Hood & Portland (Day 10)

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Mount Hood
The Little Blue Engine by Shel Silverstein

The little blue engine looked up at the hill. 
His light was weak, his whistle was shrill.
He was tired & small, & the hill was tall,
And his face blushed red as he softly said,
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

So he started up with a chug & a strain,
And he puffed & pulled with might & main.
And slowly he climbed, a foot at a time,
And his engine coughed as he whispered soft,
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

With a squeak & a creak & a toot & a sigh,
With an extra hope & an extra try,
He would not stop - now he neared the top - 
And strong & proud he cried out loud,
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”

He was almost there, when - CRASH! SMASH! BASH!
He slid down & mashed into engine hash
On the rocks below…which goes to show
If the track is tough & the hill is rough,
THINKING you can just ain’t enough!

Joseph & I both jumped out of bed late this morning in a panic. We had missed our alarm & woken up late. We rushed out of our Airbnb, leaving at the time we were supposed to start hiking at the park, which we still had to drive two hours to reach. 

Our plan was to hike Mount Hood. We didn’t plan to reach the top – to summit, we needed a permit & gear that we didn’t currently have. But we still wanted to hike up the side as far as we could to see the view.

Mount Hood has a truly commanding presence. Standing nearly 8,000 feet in the sky, its gray peak draped with snow, towers over everything else in the landscape.

The first bit of the trail was challenging but not difficult. We chatted as we climbed over fallen trees & admired the view. The trail had been marked as strenuous, which seemed inappropriate until we realized that over half of the elevation (over 1,000 feet) was reserved for the final half-mile of the trek upwards. We slipped & slid on the face of the mountain as we scrambled over rocks & climbed over precariously stacked boulders. At times, it was difficult to see if we were still on the trail from our precarious perch. 

Joseph hiking up Mount Hood

Our exhausting trek was rewarded when we reached McNeil Point. Clothes & boots covered in dust & faces streaked in dirt, we stood, out of breath, watching hawks soar beneath us in the valley below. From our height, the trees looked like shrubs in comparison to Mount Hood’s tall peak, which still towered high above us. Bright flowers were sprinkled all along the side of the mountain, while in the distance, we could hear water cascading down the mountainside from the melting snow above. 

It was tempting to keep climbing the mountain to see more of the view, but we were already running late to drive to Portland for the evening. Summiting was still not even a possibility, even if we cancelled are plans, but it still managed to continue to come up in conversation as we began the walk back down. 

With aching feet & tired legs, we rushed back to the truck & started the drive to Portland. We had been out of service all day, so I hurriedly texted our Airbnb host with our updated arrival time & my friend & 4K for Cancer teammate, Madison, with our updated travel plans. Mads lives in Portland, & we had made plans to meet her for dinner. Luckily, our late arrival worked with everyone’s plans, & we still had time to stop at our Airbnb & shower before we went to dinner.

Me, Mads & Joseph in Portland

I had not seen Mads in nearly two years, both because of the distance between us & COVID-19. Seeing her again after all this time & once again hearing her infectious laugh brought such joy to my heart. She treated Joseph & me to dinner at Grassa, a local Italian restaurant that serves inventive, homemade pasta dishes. I ordered the Spaghetti Al Pesto, which was rigatoni noodles laden in rich olive oil & homemade basil pesto, sprinkled with toasted hazelnuts, & topped with zucchini strips, basil & creamy mozzarella. Joseph ordered the Pork Belly Mac & Cheese, & we got a side of big meatballs in marinara sauce to share. Mads ordered the Cacio E Pepe, a truffle butter pasta topped with grana cheese.

We sat outside & enjoyed the small town feel of Northwest Portland. Conversation lingered on all of our latest travels – the honeymoon for Joseph & me; Alaska, West Virginia, & many more for Mads. We caught up about the latest in our careers & lives. Mads works at Nike as a Design Engineer, but she also recently began coaching a high school cross country, which is a great fit for her. During our run across the country, Mads was one of our team directors, meaning she helped lead our team through that physically & mentally demanding journey. Her energetic & kind spirit helped us feel at home when we were all so far away. 

After dinner, Mads led us up the street to Salt & Straw, an iconic Portland spot that serves imaginative ice cream flavors. In addition to their regular menu, they have a new theme every month which offers a selection of new ice cream flavors. This month’s theme was Camp, which featured Salted Hazelnut Praline S’mores, Cowboy Coffee Grinds & Bourbon, Maple & Bacon Streusel, & Mushroom Muddy Buddies, as well as Bug Juice! Sorbet. Mads ordered the Bug Juice! Sorbet, while Joseph ordered a split scoop of the Cowboy Coffee Grinds & Bourbon & the Maple & Bacon Streusel. I couldn’t help blending two flavors as well & ordered the Bug Juice! Sorbet along with the Strawberry & Coconut Water Sherbet, both of which were vegan. 

Ice cream from Salt & Straw

I have honestly never tasted creamier, more delicious ice cream. The Strawberry & Coconut Water Sherbet was full of sweet, strawberry flavor balanced by the refreshing subtle notes of coconut. Despite the creamy consistency, the first word that came to mind when I tasted the Bug Juice! Sorbet was “juice.” It was a fruity blend fo cherry & grape with just hints of sour lime. The two flavors paired perfectly – I finished my scoop much too fast & wanted to return inside immediately to try more flavors. 

The night was ending quickly, so we gave Mads a bittersweet farewell & headed back to our Airbnb to crash for the evening. All along the drive, our conversation traveled between our long hike today, & how we still want to one day summit a mountain, & my 4K journey, which now after two years is still one of the most difficult yet rewarding things I have done in my life. 

4K was much like traversing my own mountain. All along the way, there were beautiful views, but the trek was still challenging & left me feeling exhausted but exhilarated at the end. And then, after the summit, the climax of reaching home, the descent was still difficult & less enjoyable. Leaving all the people I had spent seven weeks with & returning to normal life came with its own challenges. Luckily, I had people like Joseph to walk through the descent with me, which always makes the journey down the mountain seem quicker & more enjoyable.

While climbing the mountain today, I was reminded of a poem by Shel Silverstein that I read as a kid & thought about during 4K. The Little Blue Engine always seemed to be discouraging, but I think today I understand it as actually validating. There are some mountains in life that we summit, & then there are mountains that, as much as we want to & think that we could, we just can’t reach the top. Sometimes we have to put in more hard work, much like I did on 4K. But others, like the mountain today, perhaps we were never meant to summit, but to just enjoy the view during our journey. Not all mountains are meant to be climbed. For some, we just have to appreciate how grand they are & remind ourselves that it’s okay if we don’t succeed at everything we try to do in life. Our strength is not measured on the mountains we summit, but in our character when we attempt to climb them.

My 4K team on the last morning of our run

The thing that struck me most about The Little Blue Engine is that he tried to conquer the entire mountain by himself. For all the mountains I have ever summited in my life, I always had other people there, either climbing with me or cheering me on. I could not have made it through 4K without my teammates running with me. I would not be where I am today without my family & friends who have supported me all these years. And there are so many mountains I am facing now, both literally & metaphorically, with Joseph by my side. 

Mountains aren’t meant to be faced alone. The journey is so much more fun when there are other people on it with you, & the summit looks even more beautiful when you have someone you love by your side. 

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Lifestyle, My Life

10 reasons why I feel lucky this St. Patrick’s Day

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Joseph & me in our St. Paddy’s Half Marathon shirts & medal

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May your troubles be less, your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door.

Irish Blessing

Call it luck or call it blessings, I feel very fortunate this St. Patrick’s Day.

Just over a year ago, on March 5, Governor Larry Hogan announced a state of emergency in Maryland due to the coronavirus pandemic. The year since then has been difficult for many, but on this St. Patrick’s Day, I can’t help but think just how grateful I am for the many lovely things this year has blessed me with.

If you’re feeling a little unlucky today, I invite you to read on & ponder the little blessings in your life that may have gone overlooked. There is plenty of negativity in life to dwell on, but I find that when I focus on the positive & practice gratitude, my life only continues to brighten.

1. My engagement to the love of my life

The proposal – photo by Jon Mauler Photography

I just had to start with this blessing. I could not be more grateful for the man that swept me off my feet nearly two years ago & has not put me down since. I feel so fortunate to have found someone who makes me feel so loved & that I find pure joy in loving. I cannot wait to marry him this August.

2. My supportive family & friends

Me & my family on Christmas Eve 2020

This blessing goes without saying as well. I am very fortunate to have a loving & giving support system. I truly enjoy spending time with my family & friends, & I cannot wait to see more of these amazing people once I am fully vaccinated.

3. My work

My desk on my first day at work at Hunt Valley Church – they surprised me with some cute office supplies & some of my favorite snacks!

At the beginning of the pandemic, my small business, like many others, struggled. I went months without making much of an income. I am so grateful to have found work, & even more thankful that I have been able to keep my business, which is my true passion, alive. I know I am very fortunate to have found employment when so many are still struggling, so this is a blessing that I never take for granted.

4. My health

Me at the doctor’s office

This is a big one for me. During the COVID-19 pandemic, my own health struggled for different reasons. I have struggled with chronic illness since the age of 10, & it seemed to get worse just as the pandemic was taking hold. I am so grateful for the support of my loved ones who helped me get through it, & I am grateful for my strong body that fought to get me to where I am now. I feel truly blessed to be where I am now, & that neither my loved ones nor I have been sick with COVID-19. I know we are some of the lucky ones.

5. My faith & church community

My baptism at United Church – this happened just weeks before the stay-at-home order began

When times get hard, I feel like people often turn from or turn to God. I am so very grateful that my faith has carried me through the last year, & despite the pandemic making it difficult to meet in-person, my church family has continued to grow stronger. At United, we have begun to hold services in person, but online, streamed versions are still available, & I meet weekly with my Bible study group on Zoom. It has been a way to stay connected to a supportive & loving community of people, to delve deeper into my relationship with God, & to stay strong in my faith during a very difficult year.

6. Technology

My desk at home

Never have I been more grateful for technology than during the past year. Working from home, online classes, & endless Zoom meetings can get old, but they are truly such a blessing. I cannot imagine what we would have done without these socially distanced options. Thanks to the technology we have today, I have been able to have a job, Joseph has been able to pursue his Master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling, & I have been able to stay connected with friends & family that I otherwise would not have been able to see. It is nowhere near the same as being able to meet in-person, but I am truly grateful for the opportunities technology has given us to stay connected during this lonely time.

7. Healthcare workers

Me & Joseph with his sister-in-law, Becca, & brother, Jon – Becca is a nurse at [hospital], & I am so grateful for what she does

I cannot even begin to thank healthcare workers enough. I cannot imagine the stress, the exhaustion, & the devastation these dedicated & hard-working people must have seen & experienced. To this day, these men & women are still on the front lines, fighting this invisible enemy. I am truly humbled by their selfless care.

8. The Simple Joys

For Valentine’s Day, I made Red Velvet Mochas – you can find the recipe here

I was blessed with a few amazing trips this past year, & a joyous wedding occasion to look forward to this year, but for the most part, 2020 was a year without much to look forward to. However, I began to find such joy in the little things. Instead of rushing out the door with a coffee in hand, I have learned to slow down & enjoy my first few sips, to savor the flavor & the feeling of the warm mug in my hands. I am learning to take notice to the warmth of the sun on my skin, to listen to the birds chirping in the trees, & to stop & take notice to the changing seasons. I am enjoying the simple joys in my life that I normally would have overlooked in the busyness of life, & they have made the last year of my life truly beautiful

9. Good Conversations

Me at my job at Charm City Run in September chatting with the Training Program Director, Kelly Maurer

There wasn’t a lot of doing in the last year, but there was a whole lot of talking, & I really enjoyed it. A lot of deep & meaningful conversations came out of the last year, & I felt like I had the chance to get to know people in a new way. Topics we never would have talked about & questions we probably never would have asked were finally ventured because there was nothing else to do. I enjoyed getting to know the people in my life better, & I feel like, despite the distance, many of my relationships actually grew stronger.

10. The vaccine

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, & I feel like we can finally see it. The vaccine is here. I received my first dose this past week! There still may be months ahead of us, but I feel like I can finally see an end in sight, & I cannot wait to step outside, mask-free, into the new world that will come out of it. Until then, however, I will patiently wait, enjoying all of the many blessings I have, even in this moment, to be grateful for.

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Lifestyle, Stories

Broken Pieces

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The wound is the place where the light enters you.

-Rumi
The first thing we were taught when we were young,
Was that each person is unique and special.
We are all different,
But our differences are what make the world bright and interesting.
On the playground, we distinguished each other by the games we liked to play,
Whether it was kickball or playing with dolls.
We did not care about gender or skin color.
We were too young to know about sexual orientation.
Our political knowledge only extended to knowing a mighty president existed,
And ruled over our great country.
Religion did not arise in conversation.
We cared only about ribbons and bows,
Four leaf clovers and the grass between our toes. 

At what point did we begin to notice the variations in the color of skin?
When did we begin to believe it was strange to love someone like us,
Or that differences in our beliefs should divide us?
When did the bullying begin,
The blatant disregard for other’s feelings,
The cruel empowerment of a few to believe others are below them?
When did boys pulling pigtails become men unbuttoning blouses?
When did girls start painting their eyes and telling lies?
When did they begin to dwindle away or expand before our eyes,
As food became an escape or an enemy?
When did other’s expectations begin to weigh on our minds,
And cause life itself to feel heavy and wearisome?  

As our lives crumbled, we would swear we were fine.
Meanwhile scars began to appear on arms,
Alcohol burned down throats,
And love became only a word instead of comforting arms.
We compared ourselves to one another,
In competitions where no one won,
And we judged one another for trivial things,
Things far more trivial than the games we played on the playground.
We judged each other for skin color, for love, for basic human beliefs,
We judged each other for our capabilities, our appearance, our family income,
We judged each other because we couldn’t face the judgment 
That we inflicted upon ourselves,
And we finally created a world where no one felt at home,
No one felt they measured up,
And all of us were desperately looking for love,
Normally in all the wrong places. 

Somewhere along the way,
During this collection of experiences called “life,"
We forgot how to love each other,
And so, in turn, forgot how to love ourselves. 

I don’t know how to fix what it feels like we broke,
But it probably starts with us,
Each of us, individually,
Accepting one another for who we are,
And then, in turn, accepting ourselves.
It probably begins with loving others without constrains or expectations,
And therefore loving ourselves the same way.
It probably starts with extending words of kindness to those around us,
And so then also speaking those kind words to ourselves.
It probably starts small, with a hopeful outlook towards a brighter tomorrow,
And then working every day towards that goal. 

I’m not sure if we will ever fix what we broke,
Here on earth, where we have been pushing boundaries until they snapped 
Since the moment we arrived,
But maybe, if we focus on just that,
How it took all of us,
All of us brilliantly unique individuals,
All of us hurting, broken, lovely humans,
All of us to destroy what we were given,
Then maybe, just maybe,
We can rebuild something beautiful together. 

For beauty comes, not from the absence of brokenness,
But from the light that is able to shine through,
When we put our broken pieces together again.
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Travel

Arizona vacation: Day 2

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When I think of Arizona, I think of dry, relentless heat on red land adorned with cacti, shrubs, and bright orange, desert flowers. What I never imagine is rain pouring onto the parched land from a dreary gray sky. 

Of all the times to visit Arizona, somehow my family and I chose the few days that monsoon season decided to hit. Our original plans for the day were pushed into the evening by the dark clouds that had taken over the sky. 

One of the best things to do on rainy days is play games, and that’s exactly what we did. Now, again, this was not quite what I expected. When I think of games, I think of a deck of cards or a board game. However, my cousins, who are younger and more aware of the current trends, introduced the virtual reality system to me and my family. With the headset on, the room we were in disappeared and each of us were taken to a different world where we faced blood-thirsty zombies, frightening falls, and terrifying roller coasters. It was an immersive experience that took video games to a whole new level. My cousins, of course, were pros at the games; nothing shook them. Kathleen gleefully announced to the room every time she came into contact with a new, gruesome obstacle, and Thomas destroyed every level of each game with ease. My mother, however, shook with fear and stood, paralyzed, in the center of the room until we found a more relaxed simulation for her to experience.

Jake and Steve playing cornhole during a brief lull from the rain.

Once we tired of this game, we ate some lunch and broke out the cards and poker chips to play Screw Your Neighbor, a game my brother, Jake, introduced to us. By now, it was late into the afternoon and the rain had mostly subsided, so we decided to return to our original plans for the day and drive to Topgolf. 

Let me start this by saying that the most golf I have ever played is a few rounds of putt-putt, and I was hopeless even at that game. In fact, running is just about the only sport I have any skill at; everything else requires a level of coordination that I, unfortunately, have not been gifted with. Luckily, I was in good company – my brother had only been to a driving range once, my father had not played in 20 years, and it had been even longer since my mom had played her first and only round of golf. 

Topgolf reminded me a bit of a bowling alley. Everyone took turns hitting their ball into the turf where brightly colored, large holes caved into the ground. The farther away the hole was, the more points the player earned. The scores were recorded automatically by the computer at our table.  I’m still not sure how the computer kept track of where our balls went when there were dozens being hit by guests every minute, all into the same turf, but the computer was almost always accurate in recording our scores. 

It was a lot of fun. My uncle, Steve, is an experienced golfer, so he was able to give all of us novices some tips. At the beginning, I felt pretty hopeless about my skills – it was more than obvious that I had never played before. But after observing everyone else’s form, I began to get the hang of it and actually got a few decent strokes in. I am by no means a good golfer; I’m not  event a decent golfer. But I hit the ball into the hole, and that was enough for me.

As the sky darkened, the holes in the turf were illuminated with lights that danced along to the music playing overhead. Our allotted game time came to an end, so we extended it by another half an hour, and then later, another half an hour on top of that. By the time we were finished playing, two hours had flown by without us even realizing. We were too engrossed in the gratification of when we finally hit the ball well, and the enjoyment of spending time with good company.

My relatives from Arizona – from left to right: Samuel, Kathleen, Thomas, Steve, and Isabella

The party did not end there. Well into the night, my family continued to revel in each other’s company. I was the first to retire to bed, still exhausted from the previous day’s travels. 

One thing I loved about today is that none of it went according to plan, and that’s what made it so great. None of us could have known when planning this trip months ago that we would fly right into monsoon season; it was so surprising it was trending on my Twitter today. However, the rain giving life to the desert outside gave us a chance to spend time with one another without the distraction of tourist attractions. While I am eager to get out exploring Tucson, I was thankful for the day to re-explore the relationships that I haven’t had the chance to reconnect with in eight years. And when the rain finally did let up and we were able to go out, we were delighted to find that Topgolf, lit up by lights, was even more enjoyable over nighttime drinks and dinner. 

Embrace the surprises and changes in life. And no matter what, remember that the best moments are made, not because of what you are doing, but because of the people you are with. 

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Lifestyle, Stories

A day at the zoo

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Photo creds: Geran de Klerk (Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/@gerandeklerk)

It was easy for me to slip into the routine of living my life at home. My parents had never been very adventurous. In all of my childhood, I can probably count on two hands the amount of times I saw their friends, and on one hand the amount of times they actually left the house to go out with someone. I normally found them on their own at home, doing something quiet that brought them pleasure. My brother was a tad more adventurous, but even he found enjoyment in locking himself in his room for days to play video games.

I grew up more extroverted, but when chronic illness hit, I began to spend more time at home. Many of my young friends could not understand what it meant to be unable to go out, even though I looked fine. My symptoms were not visible. It became easier to entertain myself at home rather than deal with the judgment and expectations of others. But I missed going out. I missed seeing the world. There is an entire year that I don’t remember the seasons ever changing because I never took a step out of my house. I regret that year of my life most.

One summer evening, while looking online for something to do to take away the boredom, I came across an interesting national holiday: July 1 is American Zoo Day. I looked to my mother, who was absorbed in her own laptop, and asked her if we could go to the zoo that week.

Her face clouded with confusion. She looked up at me, her eyebrows knit.

“Why do you want to go to the zoo,” she asked. I shrugged.

“I just thought it would be fun.” She watched me for a moment longer, and then she looked back down at her laptop.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“Okay?” I could not believe she had agreed.

“Yes, okay.”

It may sound weird for a nineteen-year-old girl to be so excited about visiting the zoo, but I was more thrilled about this than I had been about graduating high school the year before, when so many thought I would have dropped out. I eagerly began searching online to find the nearest zoo and to plan the event. That week, my mother and I made chicken salad and packed snacks to bring, and early on a Wednesday morning, we left for a day in Washington, D.C. with my friends, Erin and Kristina.

There is something odd about being the most excited person on a trip. While my mother and Erin obliged me and let me lead the way as I skipped down the cobblestone streets of the zoo, Kristina could only look upon me with distaste. I admit, I must have looked childish. My eyes were filled with wonder as I gazed down into the pit where the lions roared at one another. I laughed as I watched the strange squirrel-like creatures tussle. And I cowered in fear when my mother dragged me into the monkey house to see the animals she found most interesting, which happen to be animals that most terrify me. Meanwhile, Kristina sat at the edge of the room, her face engrossed in her cell phone, probably complaining about the lame trip she had been forced to go on.

But when we entered the elephant house, I forgot all about my less-than-enthusiastic companions. Face-to-face with an Asian elephant, her large amber eyes staring into mine, all the other voices around me fell silent. In that moment, I felt more seen than I had in years.

Photo creds: Hu Chen (Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/@huchenme)

I had all but wasted away; my body had grown so thin from disease I was surprised I had not completely disappeared. Friends had forgotten to call for my birthday, and then forgotten to call at all. I had slunk away from the world, holed into myself, trapped myself in a house because it felt warm and protected me from the rest of the world. But this lonely elephant saw me when no one else had, and in that moment, I saw what it truly meant to be caged from the rest of the world.

I have read that elephant mothers are one of the few that stay with their children, in particular, their daughters. While the sons grow up and leave, their daughters join the herd and stay with their mothers for life. It is said the bond between these females is one of the strongest in the animal kingdom. In my life, I have only felt love this strong from one person. I looked back at my companions and found two of them engrossed in their own lives. My mother, however, was gazing at me with pure joy. I knew then why she had agreed to this trip when she normally would never venture beyond the confines of our local county, much less would brave the stressful, crowded streets of Washington, D.C.  My mother loved me with a fierceness that I could never match nor comprehend, and the only way to repay this was to live my life in a way that would make her proud – to never take another day for granted, to never let myself miss out on life, and to never let another day pass in which I felt unloved or invisible.

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