The Little Blue Engine by Shel Silverstein The little blue engine looked up at the hill. His light was weak, his whistle was shrill. He was tired & small, & the hill was tall, And his face blushed red as he softly said, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” So he started up with a chug & a strain, And he puffed & pulled with might & main. And slowly he climbed, a foot at a time, And his engine coughed as he whispered soft, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” With a squeak & a creak & a toot & a sigh, With an extra hope & an extra try, He would not stop - now he neared the top - And strong & proud he cried out loud, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!” He was almost there, when - CRASH! SMASH! BASH! He slid down & mashed into engine hash On the rocks below…which goes to show If the track is tough & the hill is rough, THINKING you can just ain’t enough!
Joseph & I both jumped out of bed late this morning in a panic. We had missed our alarm & woken up late. We rushed out of our Airbnb, leaving at the time we were supposed to start hiking at the park, which we still had to drive two hours to reach.
Our plan was to hike Mount Hood. We didn’t plan to reach the top – to summit, we needed a permit & gear that we didn’t currently have. But we still wanted to hike up the side as far as we could to see the view.
Mount Hood has a truly commanding presence. Standing nearly 8,000 feet in the sky, its gray peak draped with snow, towers over everything else in the landscape.
The first bit of the trail was challenging but not difficult. We chatted as we climbed over fallen trees & admired the view. The trail had been marked as strenuous, which seemed inappropriate until we realized that over half of the elevation (over 1,000 feet) was reserved for the final half-mile of the trek upwards. We slipped & slid on the face of the mountain as we scrambled over rocks & climbed over precariously stacked boulders. At times, it was difficult to see if we were still on the trail from our precarious perch.
Our exhausting trek was rewarded when we reached McNeil Point. Clothes & boots covered in dust & faces streaked in dirt, we stood, out of breath, watching hawks soar beneath us in the valley below. From our height, the trees looked like shrubs in comparison to Mount Hood’s tall peak, which still towered high above us. Bright flowers were sprinkled all along the side of the mountain, while in the distance, we could hear water cascading down the mountainside from the melting snow above.
It was tempting to keep climbing the mountain to see more of the view, but we were already running late to drive to Portland for the evening. Summiting was still not even a possibility, even if we cancelled are plans, but it still managed to continue to come up in conversation as we began the walk back down.
With aching feet & tired legs, we rushed back to the truck & started the drive to Portland. We had been out of service all day, so I hurriedly texted our Airbnb host with our updated arrival time & my friend & 4K for Cancer teammate, Madison, with our updated travel plans. Mads lives in Portland, & we had made plans to meet her for dinner. Luckily, our late arrival worked with everyone’s plans, & we still had time to stop at our Airbnb & shower before we went to dinner.
I had not seen Mads in nearly two years, both because of the distance between us & COVID-19. Seeing her again after all this time & once again hearing her infectious laugh brought such joy to my heart. She treated Joseph & me to dinner at Grassa, a local Italian restaurant that serves inventive, homemade pasta dishes. I ordered the Spaghetti Al Pesto, which was rigatoni noodles laden in rich olive oil & homemade basil pesto, sprinkled with toasted hazelnuts, & topped with zucchini strips, basil & creamy mozzarella. Joseph ordered the Pork Belly Mac & Cheese, & we got a side of big meatballs in marinara sauce to share. Mads ordered the Cacio E Pepe, a truffle butter pasta topped with grana cheese.
We sat outside & enjoyed the small town feel of Northwest Portland. Conversation lingered on all of our latest travels – the honeymoon for Joseph & me; Alaska, West Virginia, & many more for Mads. We caught up about the latest in our careers & lives. Mads works at Nike as a Design Engineer, but she also recently began coaching a high school cross country, which is a great fit for her. During our run across the country, Mads was one of our team directors, meaning she helped lead our team through that physically & mentally demanding journey. Her energetic & kind spirit helped us feel at home when we were all so far away.
After dinner, Mads led us up the street to Salt & Straw, an iconic Portland spot that serves imaginative ice cream flavors. In addition to their regular menu, they have a new theme every month which offers a selection of new ice cream flavors. This month’s theme was Camp, which featured Salted Hazelnut Praline S’mores, Cowboy Coffee Grinds & Bourbon, Maple & Bacon Streusel, & Mushroom Muddy Buddies, as well as Bug Juice! Sorbet. Mads ordered the Bug Juice! Sorbet, while Joseph ordered a split scoop of the Cowboy Coffee Grinds & Bourbon & the Maple & Bacon Streusel. I couldn’t help blending two flavors as well & ordered the Bug Juice! Sorbet along with the Strawberry & Coconut Water Sherbet, both of which were vegan.
I have honestly never tasted creamier, more delicious ice cream. The Strawberry & Coconut Water Sherbet was full of sweet, strawberry flavor balanced by the refreshing subtle notes of coconut. Despite the creamy consistency, the first word that came to mind when I tasted the Bug Juice! Sorbet was “juice.” It was a fruity blend fo cherry & grape with just hints of sour lime. The two flavors paired perfectly – I finished my scoop much too fast & wanted to return inside immediately to try more flavors.
The night was ending quickly, so we gave Mads a bittersweet farewell & headed back to our Airbnb to crash for the evening. All along the drive, our conversation traveled between our long hike today, & how we still want to one day summit a mountain, & my 4K journey, which now after two years is still one of the most difficult yet rewarding things I have done in my life.
4K was much like traversing my own mountain. All along the way, there were beautiful views, but the trek was still challenging & left me feeling exhausted but exhilarated at the end. And then, after the summit, the climax of reaching home, the descent was still difficult & less enjoyable. Leaving all the people I had spent seven weeks with & returning to normal life came with its own challenges. Luckily, I had people like Joseph to walk through the descent with me, which always makes the journey down the mountain seem quicker & more enjoyable.
While climbing the mountain today, I was reminded of a poem by Shel Silverstein that I read as a kid & thought about during 4K. The Little Blue Engine always seemed to be discouraging, but I think today I understand it as actually validating. There are some mountains in life that we summit, & then there are mountains that, as much as we want to & think that we could, we just can’t reach the top. Sometimes we have to put in more hard work, much like I did on 4K. But others, like the mountain today, perhaps we were never meant to summit, but to just enjoy the view during our journey. Not all mountains are meant to be climbed. For some, we just have to appreciate how grand they are & remind ourselves that it’s okay if we don’t succeed at everything we try to do in life. Our strength is not measured on the mountains we summit, but in our character when we attempt to climb them.
The thing that struck me most about The Little Blue Engine is that he tried to conquer the entire mountain by himself. For all the mountains I have ever summited in my life, I always had other people there, either climbing with me or cheering me on. I could not have made it through 4K without my teammates running with me. I would not be where I am today without my family & friends who have supported me all these years. And there are so many mountains I am facing now, both literally & metaphorically, with Joseph by my side.
Mountains aren’t meant to be faced alone. The journey is so much more fun when there are other people on it with you, & the summit looks even more beautiful when you have someone you love by your side.