Tyler V Layne

Caffeine: How to benefit the most from your daily consumption

August 17, 2021 No Comments

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Note: I am not a doctor. While I am a holistic health professional & this piece is well-researched, it should never be taken as medical advice or should be considered more informed than your physician’s medical opinion. Caffeine affects people with certain health concerns in different ways, & you should always consult with your physician before making a drastic change to your lifestyle.

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What is it about that first sip of coffee that jumpstarts our day? Why do athletes use supplements with added caffeine, & why do health experts purport the benefits of drinking green tea?

Caffeine is the most commonly used stimulant drug in the world (1). And while it has benefits & risks, moderate consumption of caffeine can increase your alertness, improve athletic performance, & help fight off free radicals & oxidative stress.

Benefits of Caffeine

Caffeine can improve your energy levels, making it a great source of energy first thing in the morning or to break through a mid-afternoon slump. When you consume drinks with caffeine, the stimulant is absorbed into your bloodstream, where it then travels to your brain to block the inhibitory neurotransmitter adenosine (2). This leads to an increase in other neurotransmitters, such as norepinephrine & dopamine, which enhances the firing of your neurons, which means more energy, less fatigue, & better cognitive performance (3, 4).

Caffeine can also be used by athletes to improve physical performance. Many electrolyte drinks contain caffeine to help endurance athletes keep up their energy levels during long training days or competitive events. In addition to increasing your body’s adrenaline levels, which helps your body prepare for intense physical exercise, it also breaks down the fat cells in your body, which makes fatty acids more available as fuel (5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10). Fatty acids are used by the body in low- to moderate-intensity workouts that are performed for long periods of time (11).

Because caffeine breaks down fat cells, & because it stimulates your metabolism, it is also thought to help with weight loss (12, 13). Many studies show that caffeine can boost your metabolic rate. However, the amount that it boosts your metabolism is limited & tends to diminish even more over time (14).

Risks of Caffeine

It’s debated whether caffeine alone causes risks, or if it’s the way it is normally consumed. Caffeine, no matter how it is consumed, does cause a minimal rise in blood pressure, & it is debated whether or not this can cause health risks over time (15). Drinking large amounts of caffeine (more than the FDA-recommended 400mg a day) can also affect your sleep, which will eventually have a negative effect on your daily fatigue & cognitive function & may cause a reliance (or even an addiction) to caffeine.

A high-caffeine intake has also been connected with frequent urination (16). Caffeine can be a diuretic, so it’s important to consume lots of water to remain hydrated.

High amounts of caffeine can also cause an increase in heart rate (atrial fibrillation) – this most often occurs from drinking highly caffeinated energy drinks (17). This rarely happens to people who consume moderate amounts of caffeine, & even some people who have diagnosed heart problems can tolerate high amounts of caffeine without adverse effects (16).

Digestive problems can also be a problem when consuming large amounts of caffeine. Caffeine can stimulate bowel movements by increasing the amount of contractions that move food through your digestive tract (18). Caffeine may also worsen acid reflux for people who already have that health problem (19, 20, 21). Both of these concerns seem to be more of a problem when drinking coffee rather than green tea.

Extremely high intakes of caffeine can also increase symptoms of anxiety. In fact, caffeine-induced anxiety is one of only four caffeine-related syndromes in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) (16). Consuming lower amounts of caffeine should help with this symptom.

Many of the other, more common dangers that come from consuming caffeine are attributed to the soft drinks or sugar-laden energy drinks it comes in. Soda is high in sugar, which can lead to weight gain, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, kidney disease, liver disease, & gout (22). The extra sugar in energy drinks causes similar health struggles, & the high amounts of caffeine can also cause irregular heart rhythms & a caffeine addiction (23).

Healthy Sources of Caffeine

Where you get your caffeine from matters. Just like there are healthy & unhealthy sources of carbs (think fruit versus a cupcake), there are healthy & unhealthy sources of caffeine.

Any sugar-laden energy drink is one you should most likely stay away from. Even high-performance athletes would benefit from an electrolyte drink with moderate amounts of sugar & caffeine than a highly caffeinated drink that’s made mostly with sugar. For the average individual, these drinks should almost never find themselves on your work desk. The health risks far outweigh the benefits.

Luckily, there are other ways to consume caffeine that actually have more health benefits. Coffee is one of the highest sources of antioxidants in the western diet. In fact, some studies show that many people get more antioxidants from their daily coffee consumption than they do from fruits & vegetables combined (24, 25, 26). Antioxidants help to fight off free radicals, which helps to fight off diseases like cancer & heart disease (27).

Another healthy source of caffeine is green tea, which is full of bioactive compounds like polyphenols, which help reduce inflammation in the body & can help fight diseases like cancer. Green tea also is also rich in antioxidants & has other vitamins & minerals that can help keep your body & brain healthy (28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36).

When you consume drinks with caffeine, try to limit adding sugar as much as possible. If you need your drink to taste a little sweeter, try adding natural sugars first, like honey & pure maple syrup, & if you can, slowly decrease the amount you add over time.

Caffeine can be a great source of energy & healthy antioxidants, & drinking it can be a good way to relax for a few minutes, or a fun way to meet up with friends. When making healthy choices in your life, it’s important to remember there is always a balance. And consuming moderate amounts of caffeine not only feels good; it can be a healthy choice for your mind & body, too.

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Sources:

1. APA PsycNet, Understanding Caffeine: A Biobehavioral Analysis by Jack E. James – https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-08837-000

2. Science Direct, Blood-Brain Barrier Transport of Caffeine: Dose-Related Restriction of Adenine Transport by A. L. McCall, W.R. Millington, & R. J. Wurtman – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0024320582907159

3. Wiley Online Library: Adenosine, Adenosine Receptors & the Actions of Caffeine by Bertil B. Fredholm – https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1600-0773.1995.tb00111.x

4. National Library of Medicine: Caffeine & the Central Nervous System: Mechanisms of Action, Biochemical, Metabolic & Psychostimulant Effects – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1356551/

5. National Library of Medicine: Anti-Obesity Action of Oolong Tea by L. K. Han, T. Takaku, J. Li, Y. Kimura, & H. Okuda – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10094584/

6. Springer Link: Effect of Caffeine on the Metabolic Responses of Lipolysis & Activated Sweat Gland Density in Human During Physical Activity by Tae-Wook Kim, Young-Oh Shin, Jeong-Beom Lee, Young-Ki Min, & Hun-Mo Yang – https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007 /s10068-010-0151-6

7. National Library of Medicine: Effects of Caffeine on the Metabolic & Catecholamine Responses to Exercise in 5 & 28 Degrees C by D. E. Anderson & M. S. Hickey – https://pubmed .ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8201901/

8. National Library of Medicine: Caffeine Can Increase Insulin Sensitivity in Humans by Gerben B. Keijzers, Bastiaan E. De Galan, Cees J. Tack, & Paul Smits – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11815511/

9. National Library of Medicine: Effects of Caffeine on Plasma Free Fatty Acids, Urinary Catecholamines, & Drug Binding by R. V. Patwardhan, P. V. Desmond, R. F. Johnson, G. D. Dunn, D. H. Robertson, A. M. Hoyumpa Jr., & S. Schenker – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7408399/

10. ScienceDirect: Response of Free Fatty Acids to Coffee & Caffeine by Samuel Bellet, Alfred Kershbaum, & E. Michael Finck – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0026049568900541

11. Nutrition: Science & Everyday Application by Alice Callahan, PhD; Heather Leonard, MED, RDN; & Tamberly Powell, MS, RDN – https://openoregon.pressbooks.pub/nutritionscience/chapter/10b-fuel-sources-exercise/

12. National Library of Medicine: Normal Caffeine Consumption: Influence on Thermogenesis & Daily Energy Expenditure in Lean & Postobese Human Volunteers by A. G. Dulloo, C. A. Geissler, T. Horton, A. Collins, & D. S. Miller – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2912010/

13. National Library of Medicine: Comparison of Changes in Energy Expenditure & Body Temperatures After Caffeine Consumption by P. Koot & P. Deurenberg – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7486839/

14. Healthline: 13 Health Benefits of Coffee, Based on Science by Kris Gunnars, BSc – https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/top-13-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-coffee#TOC_TITLE_HDR_3

15. WebMD: Pros & Cons of the Caffeine Craze by Kathleen Doheny – https://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/pros-and-cons-caffeine-craze

16. Healthline: 9 Side Effects of Too Much Caffeine by Franziska Spritzler – https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/caffeine-side-effects

17. National Library of Medicine: Energy Drinks & Atrial Fibrillation in Young Adults by Anna Vittoria Mattioli, Sonia Pennella, Alberto Farinetti & Antonio Manenti – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28527645/

18. National Library of Medicine: Is Coffee a Colonic Stimulant? by S. S. Rao, K. Welcher, B. Zimmerman, & P. Stumbo – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9581985/

19. National Library of Medicine: Gastrophageal Reflux Disease: A Population Based Study by Sylvester Nwokediuko – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27933125/

20. National Library of Medicine: Gastric Acid Secretion & Lower-Esophageal-Sphincter Pressure in Response to Coffee & Caffeine by S. Cohen & G. H. Booth Jr. – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1177987/

21. National Library of Medicine: Effect of Caffeine on Lower Esophageal Sphincter Pressure in Thai Healthy Volunteers by S. Lohsiriwat, N. Puengna & S. Leelakusolvong – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16722996/

22. Medical News Today: Is Soda Bad for Your Health, & What Are the Options? by Danielle Dresden – https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/is-soda-bad-for-you

23. Intermountain Healthcare: How Will Energy Drinks Impact My Health? by Jay Hansen, MD – https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/live-well/2020/09/how-will-energy-drinks-impact-my-health/

24. National Library of Medicine: Intakes of Antioxidants in Coffee, Wine, & Vegetables Are Correlated with Plasma Carotenoids in Humans by Arne Svilaas, Amrit Kaur Sakhi, Lene Frost Andersen, Tone Svilaas, Ellen C. Ström, David R. Jacobs Jr., Leiv Ose, & Rune Blomhoff – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14988447/

25. National Library of Medicine: Contribution of Beverages to the Intake of Lipophilic & Hydrophilic Antioxidants in the Spanish Diet by R. Pulido, M. Hernández-García & F. Saura-Calixto – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14506489/

26. ScienceDirect: Coffee & Cardiovascular Disease: In Vitro, Cellular, Animal, & Human Studies by Jennifer Stella Bonita, Michael Mandarano, Donna Shuta, & Joe Vinson – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1043661807000291

27. Mayo Clinic: Antioxidants – https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/multimedia/antioxidants/sls-20076428?s=1

28. Healthline: 10 Evidence-Based Benefits of Green Tea by Kris Gunnars, BSc – https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/top-10-evidence-based-health-benefits-of-green-tea

29. NCBI: Beneficial Effects of Green Tea: A Literature Review by Sabu M. Chacko, Priya T. Thambi, Ramadasan Kuttan, & Ikuo Nishigaki – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2855614/

30. National Library of Medicine: Molecular Understanding of Epigallocatechin Gallate (EGCG) in Cardiovascular & Metabolic Diseases by Qian Yi Eng, Punniyakoti Veeraveedu Thanikachalam & Srinivasan Ramamurthy – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28864169/

31. NHRI: L-Theanine, A Natural Constituent in Tea, & Its Effect on Mental State by Anna C. Nobre, PhD; Anling Rao, PhD; & Gail N. Owen, PhD – https://apjcn.nhri.org.tw/server/APJCN/17%20Suppl%201/167.pdf

32. Oxford Academic: L-Theanine & Caffeine in Combination Affect Human Cognition as Evidenced by Oscillatory Alpha-Band Activity & Attention Task Performance by Simon P. Kelly, Manuel Gomez-Ramirez, Jennifer L. Montesi, & John J. Foxe – https://academic.oup.com/jn/article/138/8/1572S/4750819

33. NCBI: A Double-Blind, Placebo-Controlled Study Evaluating the Effects of Caffeine & L-Theanine Both Alone & in Combination on Cerebral Blood Flow, Cognition & Mood by F. L. Dodd, D. O. Kennedy, L. M. Riby, & C. F. Haskell-Ramsay – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4480845/

34. NCBI: Neurological Mechanisms of Green Tea Polyphenols in Alzheimer’s & Parkinson’s Diseases by Orly Weinreb, Silvia Mandel, Tamar Amit, & Moussa B. H. Youdim – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15350981/

35. NCBI: Simultaneous Manipulation of Multiple Brain Targets by Green Tea Catechins: A Potential Neuroprotective Strategy for Alzheimer & Parkinson Diseases by Silvia A. Mandel, Tamar Amit, Orly Weinreb, Lydia Reznichenko, & Moussa B. H. Youdim – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6493995/

36. National Library of Medicine: Tea Polyphenols in Parkinson’s Disease by Mario Caruana & Neville Vassallo – https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26092629/

Health, Lifestyle

Simone Biles’ Legacy: Bronze is more valuable than gold

August 6, 2021 No Comments

It’s the story everyone is talking about.

You probably have already heard about it – even if you haven’t been watching the Olympics, I’m sure it’s been popping up on your newsfeed & social media. Simone Biles, after experiencing what gymnasts called “the twisties” (or a loss of awareness of where you are in the air), pulled herself out of the Olympics competition last week. She returned at the beginning of this week to compete & win bronze on beam. Biles is an Olympic champion, winner of multiple gold medals, but she was quoted saying that this bronze medal “means more than all the golds because I’ve pushed through so much the last five years & the last week I’ve been here.”

Given certain circumstances, bronze means more than gold.

I want that statement to sink in for a moment. We may not all be Olympic athletes (I’m venturing a guess that no one reading this is currently competing in Tokyo), but we all have our own competitions, our own daily challenges, our moments when we are put to the test. And the message most often, when we come to these moments less prepared, not in the right headspace, or feeling unwell, is to push through. Keep going. Don’t let anything stop you.

Simone Biles, one of the greatest gymnasts & athletes of all time, just showed everyone that it’s okay to listen to your body & pull yourself out, even in what seems to be the most important moment of your life, the climax of your story.

Simone Biles spent last week cheering on her teammates from the sidelines, congratulating them on their gold medals when she should have been winning medals of her own. She voluntarily went from being the center of attention to the cheerleader on the sidelines. And we all love her even more for it.

And when she finally did return, & won bronze, we all cheered even harder than before. Because, in that moment, we watched someone who was not only a terrific athlete, but someone who was human, just like us, defy the odds, advocate for mental health, & still take home an Olympic medal when we would have been just as proud of her if she hadn’t come home with anything.

Given certain circumstances, bronze means more than gold.

Where in your life are you pushing too hard, & what are you sacrificing for it? Is there an area where you have the spotlight, but perhaps it would be better for you, or those around you, if you gave it to someone else? Is there an area of your life where giving up achieving the “best” could actually afford you the chance to have something better, to enjoy life more, to take care of yourself & others?

It’s not an easy decision to make. It’s hard to pull back when we know we could be capable of more. But just because we can do it does not mean we should. Just because we can do the workload of that promotion doesn’t mean it’s worth sacrificing family time. Just because we can work overtime doesn’t mean it’s worth the lack of sleep & toll on our physical well-being. Just because we can deal with & make a toxic relationship work doesn’t mean it is worth the damage to our mental health.

Just because we can achieve gold, it doesn’t make the bronze any less valuable.

Health, Lifestyle, My Life

The Parasite Living Inside Me: My Lyme Disease Story

August 5, 2021 No Comments

Me waiting in the doctor’s office during the COVID-19 pandemic

There is a parasite living inside of me.

It’s been there since I was 10 years old. I have very few memories before this parasite was a part of my life. And yet, for much of the last 10 years, I didn’t even realize it was still there, burrowing into the tissues of my body, making itself a home in a place it didn’t belong.

I have Post-Lyme Disease Syndrome (PLDS), a disease that, until the last few years, was thought to not be real. Because of this, the last decade of my life has been consumed by trying to figure out & treat whatever was causing so much insufferable pain & fatigue.

I had high moments, of course. There would be times when a treatment would work, & I would have a few great months. But then a flare would rear its ugly head without me realizing what was happening. It was frustrating, knowing that I was seemingly doing everything right to be healthy. The problem was, I was treating the wrong illnesses. Without the correct name for what I had, I was exhausted trying to treat 12 different misdiagnoses that had been given to explain my symptoms.

Lyme Disease is caused by the bacterium Borrelia burgdorferi. It is transmitted to humans through the bite of an infected tick. It is one of the most common vector-borne diseases, & yet, it is under-researched & under-studied, meaning many people go years without realizing they have it. This is troubling, because the more time people have Lyme disease, the harder it is to fight.

This was the case for me. We now believe Lyme disease could have been living inside of me for years without me knowing. This is because Lyme Disease likes to mimic other illnesses, making it difficult to catch. In addition to this, the testing for Lyme Disease is flawed in many ways. Lyme Disease is discovered through antibody testing, which makes it all too common for a patient to have Lyme Disease & still test negative for it because their immune system had not created enough antibodies on its own to fight the infection.

Back when I had Lyme Disease, we knew much less than we do now. Knowing what I know now, I should have received much more antibiotic therapy than I did, but at the time, it was believed the customary two weeks of antibiotics was sufficient. When my pain, fatigue, headaches, & insomnia returned just a short six months later, the doctors insisted i was fine & just wanted attention. It took another year to finally convince them I was truly in pain. It was then that I received my first misdiagnosis of fibromyalgia.

A few years passed, during which I paid little attention to my worsening condition. I became less active, succumbing to my pain, but that gave me an opportunity to thrive in my more artistic passions.

It wasn’t until high school that I noticed the brain fog, although, at the time, I didn’t have a name for it. I simply noticed that my mind was not what it used to be. As an avid reader & writer, it was odd to me that my reading comprehension was not up to par with my classmates. My memory continued to work properly, which meant, in the American education system of memorizing & regurgitating facts, my grades were still exemplary. But anytime I was asked to think abstractly, my famously creative brain failed to think through even simple problems or equations.

In my junior year of high school, my symptoms hit an all-time low. I had developed a number of food allergies, as is common with Lyme patients, & my gut health was suffering tremendously. I was diagnosed with IBS & leaky gut, but none of the treatments ever seemed to work (in fact, they only seemed to make my symptoms worse), so after a while, I refused any prescription pills. In addition to this, my anxiety seemed to heighten, & anything that deviated from my regular schedule sent me into a tight-chested panic attack. I thought it was simply stress-induced, brought on by having to deal with difficult illnesses. Compared to my physical symptoms, I felt it was less important & paid little attention to it.

Me on the first day of my senior year of high school.

In college, my symptoms finally found some relief. I cleaned up my diet even more than I had before, & I found a holistic doctor who treated my symptoms in the first way that ever worked. Exercise helped tremendously. I got off every prescription medication I had been taking, & for the first time in years, I felt relaxed & free. My senior year in college was bliss. I felt healthy, carefree & strong. I signed up & trained to run across the country. I met the love of my life. I ate whatever I wanted, went out with friends, & enjoyed every moment of beginning my adult life.

The thing about Lyme disease is you never know when a flare is coming. The unhealthy eating, long training runs, & lack of sleep finally caught up with me, & the flare came at the worst possible time – while running to help those in need. While my teammates were supportive, without the diagnosis or words to describe what was happening to them, I struggled with feelings of loneliness & misunderstanding.

My 4K for Cancer team on the final day of our run. Over 49 days, we relayed across the country, from San Francisco to Baltimore.

When I returned, I felt beaten & hopeless. I cleaned up my diet again, started taking my supplements, but it just didn’t seem to work. My brain was worse than before – I was stuttering over my words & mispeaking. Once able to capture a room full of people with 20-minute long speeches, all done without notes of any kind, I was now struggling to find words on the tip of my tongue in frequent conversations.

Answers finally came just a few months ago. After years of searching, months of talking to doctors & going to appointments yet again, I received the diagnosis I had been waiting for. I had treatment that finally helped. The right diet, the right supplements, & the recommendation to make self-care & sleep a priority rather than a luxury actually made a difference.

As of now, it doesn’t seem I will ever be symptom-free. At this point, PSLD, at least in my case, can be characterized as an auto-immune disease. When Lyme flares, I can try my best to fight the bug, but Lyme is a spirochete, meaning it has a spiral shape that makes it easy to hide in tissues of the body. When Lyme is hiding, my immune system is depleted, so the best I can actually do is not continue to break down my body by trying to kill the Lyme, but to boost my immune system as much possible. This, in turn, will reduce inflammation, improve my digestion, &, in the end, help me to feel healthy, as if there is nothing wrong. And if Lyme ever does flare, I know what to do to fight it back.

It’s been a long journey getting here, one that I normally don’t like to think about or share. But since learning my diagnosis, I have met so many other people who have struggled with it, & I have realized I am not alone. Which means there must be so many other people out there feeling the same way that I did, & sometimes still do. And I want to let you know that you are not alone, & that this illness does not define you. It is part of your story, but it doesn’t even have to be the worst part.

Like the plot twists & challenges in any story, it’s not what happens in the plot line but how we respond to it that makes us who we are. And we are warriors. Lyme has made me stronger, more resilient, & more patient than I ever would have been. But most importantly, I am more empathetic, more kind, & more compassionate. And that is why I am sharing my story. I want my blog to be a safe space, where people, no matter what it is that has shaped their story, can find a safe & supportive community.

Lyme changed my life, but it doesn’t have to define it. What I do with my life will define it, & all I want to do with my life is to bring a little more love & kindness into this world. I believe that love, truly, is what heals most. I could not be where I am in my journey now without the love I have in my life, from my family, my friends, & from Joseph. Love truly does heal all wounds. The love we extend to others has greater value than we will ever know.

The one thing I felt Lyme took from me was my self-worth. For so many years, I felt shame about my illness. I was embarrassed to share my story. I thought no one would want to hear it, & I didn’t want it to be what I was known for. But now, as I have said, I have learned love is what is most important. So, as much as this blog post is for you, it’s for me, too.

This is a letter to myself. It’s finally remembering my story in every painstaking detail, & it’s telling myself that it’s okay. It’s okay to be me. Its okay what happened to me. I still have value, & I am still worthy of love.

My blog is a safe place, for me & for you. If you need a reminder of your self-worth, of your value, pay this blog a visit.

No matter what your story, you are worthy of love. And I want to share with you what I am just now beginning to learn – the best love you will ever have is the love that you give to yourself.

There is a parasite living inside of me, but I am in charge of my body. And today I am choosing to show my body respect & gratitude for all it has done, & love for the strong & resilient body it is today.

Lifestyle, My Life

Finding self-confidence: A snip of my life story

July 21, 2021 2 Comments

Me during my senior year of high school, my hair freshly cut into a pixie cut.

Note: This piece was written while I was in college & my hair was cut short in a pixie cut. This is the first time I have shared this story.

My fingers absentmindedly stroke through my short pixie cut as I work on a project. I often forget that my hair is short. When I close my eyes and imagine myself, I still have the long, curly locks that I had years ago. But my hair is now thin, straight, and cut close to my scalp.

I tap my fingers restlessly against my keyboard, unable to think of what to type next in my essay. My teeth snag on my inner cheek, a nervous tick I picked up years ago when I was told it was not proper to chew on my hair or nails. In high school, I used to tear at that skin during exams until I tasted blood. I have scars now on both sides of my mouth, just behind my lips.

I try to twirl a lock of my hair, once again forgetting that it is shorter now than it used to be. My hand falls by my side, my fingers itching for something to play with.

I look up and gaze at my reflection in the nearby window. Wide, hazel eyes stare out beneath the dark hair. I should have worn make-up today. With my hair so short and my body so small, I could easily pass for a boy. I should have at least put product in my hair so it didn’t fall flat onto my head.

But, I am alone. Who would I be dressing up for? My reflection doesn’t care what I look like.

Why do I care so much about what my hair looks like?

My mom giving me a perm during my fifth grade year. I had always wanted curly hair.

My first thought is that my mother is a cosmetologist. I grew up where the phrase, “Go do something with your hair,” was as common as, “What is the weather supposed to be like tomorrow?” My life stages were marked by what my hair looked like, starting with the moment I was born with a head full of hair so dark brown it looked black; to my first haircut at two months old; to when my hair turned into a frizzy, curly mess in middle school; to when it started to fall out and became a reflection of my life falling apart. Stories from my childhood are frequented with plots about my hair: The first time my hair was washed as a baby and my mother was confused as to why it kept curling even though she got all of the soap out. The time when my mother came to school for Career Day and cut my hair in front of the class. The time when I cut my long hair into a bob, and my aunt and grandmother pestered me about it until I grew it down my back again. For every event in my life, the question was always, “What are you going to do with your hair?” Too many times I was on my way out of the house, only to be forced into my mother’s salon chair so she could iron my hair.

But when I really think about it, I am not all that unique in caring about what my hair looks like. It seems to be what is on everyone’s mind. Thanks to having a mother who did my hair growing up, I know very little about how to do it myself. Now, it tends to be that however it looks when I wake up is how it looks all day. But friends of mine wake up hours early just to curl or straighten their hair before going to school. People express themselves with their hair choices, either by cutting it in creative fashions, or not cutting it at all. People dye their hair bubblegum pink, electric blue, or midnight black to send a message. Women flood into salons every day to pretend they haven’t aged in years and dye their hair the golden blonde of their youth. In faiths around the world, women cover their hair to show modesty.

Hair is a strong influencer in the stories we hear, too. Strong female characters in books chop off their hair before going into battle. Princesses in Disney movies grow their hair long to attract a prince. Mythological characters use their hair as a weapon. Biblical characters lose their power when their hair is chopped off.

And when we think our hair doesn’t look great, it’s often the first thing we apologize for when we see someone.

“I’m having a bad hair day,” we mumble, as if drawing more attention to what everyone can obviously see will make matters better for us. And bad hair days often just seem to become bad days in general. If our hair isn’t doing well, neither are we.

When someone suddenly drastically changes their hair, it can be a desperate attempt for control during a time of trauma.

Why do we care so much about our hair? Why do we identify with it? What does it represent to us that other physical characteristics seem to lack?

Me in college when I decided to be a red head for a season

The interesting thing about hair is that we don’t just change it to reflect what we are feeling, or rather, what we want the world to perceive we are feeling. Sometimes, our hair changes to reflect what’s really going on inside of us.

For instance, when we hit puberty, our hair often changes texture. As we age, as much as we may try to fight it, our hair grays. It can also turn gray when we are going through a particularly stressful period in our lives. And sometimes, if we get sick, our hair can fall right off of our heads.

I remember the first time it happened. Eyes closed, showering, I felt a clump of it release into my palm. It wound its way around my fingers, clinging desperately to my wet skin. My breath hitched in my throat. My heart pounded in my ears as I stared at my hand in disbelief. I desperately worked at trying to untangle the hairs from my fingers. If I could dispose of the evidence, perhaps it would be as if it never happened.

But it continued to happen again and again. In the shower, as I brushed through my hair, as I cleaned out the drains in the bathroom, as I picked at my clothes, clumps of hair appeared throughout my daily life. I remember the day I ran my fingers through my hair to pull it back into a ponytail, only to freeze in shock. I stared at my reflection in the mirror in horror. There were bald spots along my reflection’s scalp.

The dreams came next. The nightmares that woke me up in a cold sweat at night. It seems silly when I think about it. Of all the important things that were happening in my life, the terrors that frightened me at night were about being bald, as if that was the worst thing that could happen.

But my hair was the last thing that defined my femininity. My body had shrunk to the size of a 12-year-old boy. My skin had paled to the point that the kids at school dubbed me the “walking dead.” I no longer wore cute clothes – I was too cold all the time. Instead, I huddled in sweats that engulfed my small frame. Besides the vain attempt I made in the mornings with a hint of mascara and a swipe of lipstick, my hair was all I had. And I loved my curls. The wildness and spontaneity of them reminded me of a younger, freer me.

It was years before I finally made the cut. I dealt with my hair in a bob for a long while, resisting the urge to pull it back to reveal where my hair had thinned or completely disappeared. But the need to finally do something drastic became too strong.

So, where the obsession with hair started – in my mother’s salon chair – was also where it came to a halt. The last of my locks fell to the floor. I stared at out at myself in her mirror with a smile. I was finally free.

I stare at my reflection in the window, and my lips curve into another small smile. Sure, there are days where the doubts creep in, when I lament over my appearance. But the power to do anything about it has been taken away, and that has given me more peace in my life than when I vainly attempted to make my hair look more presentable. I am always fully me, wherever I go. I show off my bare neck with pride. This is the hair of a girl who fought hard, and is still fighting. This is the hair of a girl who is not going to give up.

So, yes, I still identify with my hair, as we all do. But it no longer represents the me that I am trying to prove to the world that I am. My hair no longer reflects the teenager I was, fighting to be seen, to be heard, to be accepted and loved by her peers. My hair no longer cares what other people think. My hair represents the strength, the perseverance, and the fight I have lived.

My hair reflects the woman I have become, and the woman I hope to one day be.

Health, Lifestyle

10 self-care tips for the mind, body & soul

July 7, 2021 1 Comment

Hello all, I am Shayla from thedailyshayla.com and I’m so happy to be collaborating with Tyler! We both decided to share our top 5 ways to practice self-care, so when you’re done here, please be sure to check out her 5 over on my blog!

Ahh, stress! We all know what it feels like to be stressed, right? Exhaustion and the feeling of being overwhelmed are things we all go through in our day-to-day lives. I for one am no stranger to the many stresses of life and it is so important that I find ways to reduce those feelings and practice some self-care for my mind body and soul. And you should be doing the same!

Self-care literally means to take care of yourself and should be a regular habit in your daily routine. Whether it’s a cup of tea in the morning or a full on pamper session to release your worries; finding something that you enjoy and something that will take your mind off things is vital every once in a while!

Here are my top 5 ways to practice self-care:

1. Start Your Day Off with Some “Me Time”

Whether it be reading a book with a cup of coffee or squeezing in something you truly enjoy, starting your day by focusing on yourself can feel extremely gratifying. Especially as a parent, my entire day is focused around my daughter- so those few hours in the morning before she wakes are absolutely magical.

2. Get Your Fit On

f you know me or have read my blog, you’ll know that fitness is my no.1 form of self care. Getting up and keeping active is a brilliant way to care for the mind, body and soul! Now, I don’t necessarily mean you should intensely workout for an hour or more; but for some, just a simple walk in the park may be all you need to release those endorphins.

Ways I love staying active are:

Dancing the Night Away

Blast some of your favourite tunes and dance like nobody’s watching! This is such a fun way to block everything negative out and let those positive vibrations in. You are able to really enter your own world and perform like a superstar. A Serotonin boost for sure!

Simple Stretches

Doing some simple stretches after you wake up or before you go to sleep is a great way to get your blood flowing. It also benefits your body by relaxing your muscles and increasing your flexibility.

Walk & Talk

Going for an evening stroll whilst talking to a friend can be very enjoyable. Catching up with someone will relieve so much stress and add some positivity to your day. Before you know it, you’ve done several laps around the park all whilst gossiping to your heart’s content.

3. Have a Pamper Day/Night

When I say this, I mean the whole shebang! Free up some hours during the day, or at night and use them to really pamper yourself.

This may include:

A skincare routine
Enjoying a cocktail or a glass of wine
Painting your nails
Watching a movie
Having a relaxing bath

Then finish it all off with an early bed-time to give your body the rest it needs. You really can’t go wrong with that!

4. Minimise Your Schedule

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Production on Unsplash

Minimising your schedule may be just what you need to minimise excessive stress. We often get overwhelmed and flustered when we have a lot to do- eventually leading to not doing anything at all. Some days, I opt not to work-out or even take breaks from completing blog activities, just to give my mind a rest and allow myself to recuperate.

It’s so important to take time out for you and to listen to your mind and body when it becomes engulfed in tasks. Also, learn to say “no” to things if your ‘plate’ is overloaded- it is okay to be selfish when it is needed.

5. Journal Your Thoughts & Plans

Whatever is on your mind, jot it down on some paper, everything will be easier to process then. Or even better, start a journal! Spill out your thoughts on the past, present and future and lift some of that weight off your mind.
One of my favourite things to write in my journal are several to-do lists; as I know my future self will thank me for it later! It can be fun just to plan your days ahead of time and fully clear-out your mind.

You see!? It’s as simple as that- even the smallest of things can be beneficial towards your mental health! Taking some time out to breathe and recalibrate may be just what you need when life becomes a little too much. These are just the things I like to do, but what are your favourite ways to practice self-care? Let us know in the comments below!

Lifestyle, My Life

A quick, droll reflection on my father’s witty wisdom

June 19, 2021 No Comments

My dad & me doing the Jingle Bell Run in Solomons Island – one of our favorite things to do together is to go running

My father always used to repeat the Tony Robbins quote, “Repetition is the mother of skill.” Every time I did something wrong: “Repetition is the mother of skill.” Every time I started working on something new: “Repetition is the mother of skill.” Every time I did something successfully, my father told me why: “Repetition is the mother of skill.”

Needless to say, I found this to be the most annoying phrase of words ever strung together.

My father knew I hated this phrase. With a smile, he’d often start it and then wait patiently, refusing to let me leave the room until I grudgingly completed it for him.

The most annoying thing about this phrase is that it was true. The more I practiced and repeated something, the better I got at it. Repetition truly was the best way to refine my skills. I could never bring myself to admit this to my father, but today the phrase still repeats in my head whenever I am struggling with something.

During my senior year of college, I found myself remembering the phrase as I practiced a speech for a class. It was a rather comprehensive speech, stuffed full of information in a measly three minutes. Normally, I performed my speeches without practicing. I found I was more eloquent if I knew the basic outline of my speech instead of trying to remember the exact words I wanted to say. However, I knew I wouldn’t be able to fit in all the information I wanted to say in the allotted time without rehearsing it. What amazed me was that, because of the repeated practices, it was the most articulate and powerful speech I had ever given. I received tumultuous praise from my classmates and professor, and was rewarded with a perfect score.

Later that day, when relaying the experience to my father, I mentioned how surprised I was by how much the practices helped. I cringed immediately, hoping with bated breath that he would merely give a small assent of agreeance.

“Well, you know,” he began, and I could hear the smile through which he spoke. I groaned internally, knowing the words that were about to come. “Repetition is the mother of skill.”

Happy Father’s Day to the man who always inspires me to work hard & pursue my dreams. I would not be where I am today without your loving support & words of wisdom, even the ones I found irksome. 😉

Lifestyle, My Life

Intimidated to inspired: How to deal with disappointment

June 18, 2021 No Comments

It’s a tough pill to swallow. Disappointment is that empty feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes it difficult to focus on anything else. And it doesn’t just hurt when we personally experience disappointment. There’s no worse slap in the face than when someone tells you they are disappointed in you.

According to Psychology Today, disappointment is a type of sadness: “A feeling of loss, an uncomfortable space (or a painful gap) between our expectations & reality.” We can set ourselves up for disappointment when we have higher expectations for a situation or outcome than what is realistic.

According to Dr. Tara Well, an associate professor of psychology at Barnard College of Columbia University, one way to deal with disappointment before it happens is to manage these expectations. Be realistic when setting time limits to achieve your goals, & realize that, even if you achieve a desired outcome, it may not give you the happiness you desire. We are taught to associate happiness with certain things, like money or power, but often these things fail to give us the happiness we thought they would. Similarly, disappointment can come from placing too many expectations or too much responsibility for your happiness on a single person in your life. And we also face disappointment when things don’t go as planned; when things don’t fall into place the way we thought they would, especially when we worked hard to make it so, it can be disheartening.

One of the most important things you can do to avoid disappointment is to approach life in a more relaxed state. Being flexible allows you to deal with moments with acceptance & perseverance, rather than disappointment. But, that’s a rather hard thing to do. If you are naturally more anxious or perfectionistic, changing your personality is not an easy task.

So, what do you do if you’re already feeling disappointed?

If you’re feeling disappointed in yourself, speak to yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Look for the lesson in what you learned to move forward with knowledge & insight from this moment. And most importantly, have grace & forgiveness for yourself.

If you are disappointed in a person, remember to approach others with kindness as well. Think about whether the expectations you are placing on others are things you should be fulfilling for yourself. Sometimes, it is necessary to reevaluate a relationship to make sure it is beneficial for both parties – that there is an even give & take. But other times, we have to recognize our own needs, & realize that the other person is either not capable of fulfilling them, or that we did not even communicate them properly. In both of these situations, communicating with the other person & working together to define what your relationship will look like is a good next step.

And last but not least, what do you do when you encounter a disappointing situation?

I think the first instinct for a lot of us is to put our heads down & move on. I mean, there’s no point crying over spilled milk right? And in situations that cannot be changed, this may be the best route of action. Take whatever lesson you can from the situation & move on. But what about for situations where you may be able to change something? Or, perhaps, there is a better alternative that you didn’t even think of before.

Every time I’ve just “moved on” in my life after a disappointment, instead of thinking about what I could do instead, it tends to become one of those memories from years ago that pops into my head when I lie in bed & keeps me up all night.

When I face a disappointing situation, the first thing I honestly do is cry & have a little pity party for myself. Then I brush myself off & fight it.

Is it futile? Sometimes, yes. I mean, if we’re using the spilled milk analogy, have you ever tried gather up spilled liquid off the ground? There’s absolutely no point. Clean it up, throw it out, & move on.

But, maybe it isn’t spilled milk. Maybe it’s just a dropped piece of chocolate, & I think the five-second-rule applies. I want to know, when I lay down & get to thinking late at night that I did everything I could to get the outcome I desired. Because it’s one thing to be disappointed in a situation, but it’s an entirely different thing to be disappointed in myself. It doesn’t always work out, but it can save me from thinking back & regretting the choices that I’ve made in my life, & that’s worth the fight.

Health, Lifestyle

10 easy ways to practice self-care this summer

June 15, 2021 No Comments

Note: This article contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product after clicking a link, I may earn a commission off of that purchase.

Note: Read all the way to the end of this article for a special summer giveaway opportunity!

Summer is finally here, which means it’s the perfect time to get some sunlight, relax & recharge. And especially after the year we all had, I think it’s time for a little extra self-care time.

Self-care is a very personal experience, & it should always be spent doing things that specifically bring you joy & comfort. But, there’s nothing wrong with switching up your self-care activities to reflect the unique joys that each season brings. Summer is full of fun ways to show yourself some love.

Read on for 10 easy ways to practice self-care this season.

1. Soak up some sunshine

This is by far the simplest way to practice self-care this season, but it’s still super important. When we are exposed to sunlight, our brains release serotonin, otherwise known as the “happy hormone.” Serotonin not only boosts our mood; it also helps us to feel calm & focused, which means more productive lives. In addition to this, the sun gives us Vitamin D, which is linked to better bone health, & it can actually help promote healthy skin! That glowing look you want can be achieved by spending time in the sun’s rays! Just make sure you show your skin a little extra self-care & wear lots of sunscreen.

2. Go off the grid

Physically & socially, spend some time off the grid this summer. Get out of town. Plan a vacation & treat yourself. And when you do, consider staying unplugged from your phone. I know, there are tons of Instagrammable photos to share on vacation, but you can always share them later. Give yourself a little time to be present with those around you, or just to yourself, because you deserve your undivided attention as well.

3. Spend time with people who make you feel good

Distance yourself from negativity & spend time with people who make you feel good. Now that COVID-19 restrictions are lifting, you can finally go out to brunch, swim in the pool, or go to a concert with the people that matter most to you. Plan a picnic, go on a walk, or just give someone you love a phone call. Studies show that spending time with people helps reduce the symptoms of many mental health conditions, including anxiety & depression, & building strong relationships helps provide support when you are experiencing challenging situations.

4. Wear what makes you feel confident

Me on the beach in South Carolina the week of the Solar Eclipse, 2017

Every body is a beach body. Whether it’s a bikini, a sundress, a one-piece, or a sarong, wear what makes you feel most beautiful & confident to the beach, & don’t give one thought to what other people think. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who dresses with dignity & carries herself with confidence.

5. Drink more water

My Fill It Forward water bottle that I received in my Be Kind by Ellen subscription box

This is important all year long, but it’s especially important in summer. When we sweat, we lose water, & when our bodies are dehydrated, they don’t function properly. Signs of dehydration include fatigue, constipation, dry skin, & headaches, & severe dehydration can cause low blood pressure, heat exhaustion, seizures, heat stroke, kidney failure, & coma. Keep your body hydrated by drinking water throughout your day. You can add more flavor to your water by adding fresh fruits, herbs, or vegetables. One refreshing combination I love is cucumber, mint & lime. Or, if I’m in the mood for something sweet, I love adding freshly chopped berries. If you’re doing activities outdoors, consider adding electrolytes to your water – choose low-sugar brands that will replenish the sodium, magnesium, & potassium you are losing through your sweat without loading up on sugar. When you keep your body hydrated, it gives you more energy & helps you to feel your best.

6. Visit a farmer’s market

Joseph & me at the farmer’s market picking out fresh produce for a picnic dinner

With spring & early summer gardens finally in full bloom, this is the perfect opportunity to visit your local farmer’s market & pick out fresh produce to cook with. It supports a local business, & it also a fun way to eat healthy. Look for recipe inspiration on Pinterest, or just start experimenting in the kitchen!

7. Get active outdoors

Joseph & me on a hike near Loch Raven Reservoir

Get outside & enjoy the warm weather while exercising. There are lots of fun summer activities that are also great forms of exercise, including kayaking, swimming, & hiking. Try to go out early in the morning or later in the evening to avoid the hottest parts of the day, & make sure to wear sunscreen while you’re outdoors.

8. Wake up with the sun

Enjoy your summer days to the fullest by waking up with the sun. Bringing natural light into your room & waking up with the sunrise is a much more gentle way to wake up, as opposed to a blaring alarm clock. This means you wake up more refreshed & ready to tackle your day! And, if you do this consistently, your circadian rhythm will adjust, which means deeper sleep & more productive days.

9. Start a garden

Gardening can be a great way to get active outdoors & bring yourself some joy. The routine tasks can be calming, & you can find great joy in cultivating a plant & helping it to grow. Plant flowers to brighten up your space, or try planting a vegetable garden & use the fresh produce to cook healthy meals.

10. Read an inspirational book

One of my favorite inspirational reads, You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero

Whether you’re relaxing on the beach or spending a day indoors away from the heat, summer is the perfect time to start a new book. Why not find something inspirational? Pick a topic you are interested in, or simply search for inspirational books online or at your local library to find your new uplifting read.

Alright, as promised, it is giveaway time!

Much of my blog is dedicated to helping my readers find more self-care in their lives. To help inspire you to take better care of yourself this summer, I have a challenge that could help you win some special prizes!

The Summer Self-Care Bingo Challenge includes all the self-care activities listed above, plus 14 more ways to show yourself some extra love this summer. Complete 5 activities in a row, column, or diagonally to win a month-long subscription to Sticker of the Month & the weekly newsletter. Complete the entire board, & you will a FREE Sunshine Box! That’s right – spend more time this summer dedicated to self-care, & you can get more self-care delivered right to your doorstep!

To complete a bingo square, post a selfie of you completing the activity on Instagram & tag me @TylerVLayne with the hashtag #SummerSelfCareBingo, & I will do the rest of the work for you. The Summer Self-Care Bingo Challenge will start June 15 & will end August 30.

Let the challenge begin!

Lifestyle, My Life, Relationship

Surprise at High Meadow

June 14, 2021 No Comments

By Joseph Mauler

“Joseph, we can’t plan our first dance. One of us has to surprise the other.”

The night sky was clear, stars littering the air all above us. The hood of my car kept bending under the weight of our bodies. Maybe laying on the hood of my car would damage it, but I’ve waited for a moment like this for too long. I didn’t give it a second thought.

I don’t know how many nights I laid on the ground, looking into this sprinkled sky. Even though the view was always breathtaking, I couldn’t escape the gaping hole of loneliness I felt every night prior to this one.

I turned away from the beautiful stars to something way more beautiful.

“I guess you’re right,” I laughed. “I always try to plan everything in my life. Even the special things.”

“Well, Joseph…” She was able to look into my eyes because the stars lit up our faces. “Thank you for this tonight. This is special and you surprised me.”

“Would you like to go for a hike today? I know this one trail that leads to a pavilion and it is really pretty.” She nodded her head, fresh in love after just two months of dating me.

Getting out of my car, I slipped my small Bose MicroLink speaker into my pocket without her seeing.

The hike was a quarter-mile up a steep hill to a pavilion surrounded by a field of tall grass in the middle of the woods. The pavilion was called “High Meadow.”

“This is so pretty!” She looked into my eyes again with that look.

I slipped out my speaker and said, “Well, you said we had to surprise each other for that first dance.” Her face brightened even more.

I put on “Could I Love You Any More?” by Reneé Dominique and Jason Mraz, which had just recently released three days prior. We had listened to it way more than three times already. I think it was a pretty good song pick for our first dance.

She took hold of me and we had our first dance, underneath that pavilion on that June day, with the smell of summer fresh in our noses. I don’t remember the last time I was happy like this before I started dating her, but I’ll never forget how she took hold of my heart forever.

I already knew from the moment I fell in love with her that I was going to marry her, but now I also already knew how I was going to propose.

After the novel coronavirus in 2020, I don’t think anybody had a normal vacation. After not seeing each other for most of March and April, Tyler and I had not had a lot of time to enjoy our relationship. Finally, in June, Tyler had a great idea.

“What if I take off work next week and we have a ‘staycation?’” Tyler asked.

“What is a ‘staycation?’” I laughed.

“You act as if you are on vacation at your house. You do things you don’t ordinarily do during your normal week around your state. I don’t have to work on my business this week and it would be fun,” she explained.

“Well, you taking off work sounds fantastic,” I said through a smile because Tyler is most certainly a workaholic. “Let’s do it.”

I planned on asking her to marry me later in the summer, but the timing felt too right. I had already bought the ring three weeks ago and asked her father for permission to marry her. I decided I was going to ask her the big question by the end of the week. It was going to be in that pavilion we had our first dance like I had planned all along.

We started off our week to a rainy and lazy Tuesday, watching our favorite TV shows and cooking. But to make this proposal one that would surprise her, I had to throw her off the scent.

“Hey Ty, we should browse more for rings. Want to go to that ring shop near my house this week?” I mean, what better way to throw her off the scent?

“Sure, we can go tomorrow,” she said.

When we were at the ring shop on Wednesday, my stomach dropped because I didn’t consider the fact she could change her mind on the ring she wanted. As we entered the store, I tried to play it cool.

After browsing some rings, Tyler asked the clerk, “Can you size me? I haven’t gotten officially sized.” The man nodded and quickly grabbed the box full of every size ring.

Pick size six. Pick size six. Pick size six.

“Well, size six is way too big for you,” the clerk said, taking off the size 6 ring and reaching back into his box. “Let’s try something smaller.”

As we jumped backed into my Mazda 30 minutes later, Tyler turned from the passenger seat.

“I want the ring we picked out a couple months ago. It’s the ring. But now we know I’m a size five.” A wave of relief washed over me knowing I did purchase the ring she wanted, as well as another wave of anxiety over the fact I bought the wrong size. I figured it was good I was asking this week because I had only bought the ring three weeks ago, so I was still eligible to return it if needed.

With full confidence that I was going to ask her in a couple of days, I texted my brother Jon, who is a professional photographer. “You free this weekend? I may want you for pictures if you know what I mean.” Because I had told him only two weeks ago I had Tyler’s ring, he responded with several exclamation marks.

Now that Jon was in to take our pictures as well as decorate the pavilion, I needed to find a way to get Tyler there without her suspecting a proposal.

On Friday, Tyler and I went to Western Maryland for our first of many road trips. Once we were comfortable in our seats for our three hour drive, I turned down the music.

“What if we had a fancy picnic this week?” I asked.

“Well, sure. I mean, where would you want to have a picnic?” she responded. “I don’t really have any dresses with me either.” She did not seem to be very enthusiastic about the idea.

“Well, I was thinking we could hike to that pavilion where we had our first dance. Actually, I looked at the calendar this morning and it has been one year since our first dance. It’s almost poetic, you know?”

“Oh! And then we can go to the farmers market and buy fresh ingredients! We should buy wine, too!” Tyler changed from indifference to eagerness. This was too perfect.

“We are about to pass the exit for your apartment, should we stop by there to pick up some dresses for you?” I asked quickly, as I saw her exit approaching on Route 695.

“Yes, it’s right here, get off!” she shouted.

With a quick check to my right, I crossed over five lanes of traffic and barely made it.

When we were browsing her closet for dresses, she pulled out an orange sundress. When I saw it, I knew that was the dress.

“I bought this just for you,” Tyler said. “I actually haven’t worn it yet.” She showed me the price tag still attached.

Everything was falling into place. The plan was that Jon and his wife, Becca, would go to High Meadow on Saturday, which was the day before I planned to propose, to set up the pavilion with sunflowers (her favorite flower). They surprised me by decorating the whole pavilion with more than I expected, including a blanket they bought that said, “Of all the walks we have taken, this one is my favorite.” That was perfect for avid hikers like Tyler and me.

On Sunday, all that was left was getting there without her suspecting anything. After we had picked up our ingredients from a local farmer’s market along with some wine, we got ready. When I walked into the bathroom, Tyler turned and looked at me.

“Wow! You are really dressed up!” she said.

“Yup,” I responded with pride.

“Do you like what I am wearing?” She looked at me expectantly wearing a casual blue dress, not the orange sundress she told me she was going to wear.

Even though Tyler looks amazing in sweatpants, I knew it was not the dress she would want to wear for her engagement photos. So, with a gulp, I said, “Well…it’s okay…”

“Do you want me to change?” Tyler asked with a surprised tone, since this was the first time I had ever said anything like this.

“Yes.” I said. “Actually yes, I do.” I had to get her into that orange sundress.

When we pulled the dress out of her bag, she exclaimed, “Joseph, it’s all wrinkly!”

“I will iron it!” I announced as I pulled out my iron in the closet and began to straighten it.

As she was getting dressed, I slid silently into the other room to grab the ring. I hid it in a drawer right beside the bed she had been sleeping in for the last couple weeks. Along with most things with this proposal, I had taken a risk.

I ran downstairs and shoved the box into the pile of blankets we were going to take.

When we hopped in the car, I noticed she was wearing her normal, sporty flip flops.

“Hey, where are your nice flip flops?” I asked.

“They are in the house,” she explained with annoyance.

“I will go get them!” I shouted as I ran inside.

Because I had been acting so strange about the clothes Tyler was supposed to wear, the 30-minute drive to the trailhead was silent and extremely awkward. I kept trying to make small talk, but I knew Tyler was analyzing why I was acting so weird.

When we were exiting the car, I realized I had made a humongous mistake. I forgot I hid the ring box in the blankets, not the picnic basket. I couldn’t carry both the blankets and the picnic basket, but I couldn’t ask her to carry the heavy picnic basket while I carried the light blankets.

I turned to Tyler with the pile of blankets, her engagement ring stuffed inside. “Here, you can carry this.”

As the realization hit me that the ring box could fall out at any moment, my heart beat faster than ever before in my life.

“You can walk ahead of me.” I said, knowing that if it did fall out, I had to be ready. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Just get there. Don’t fall out. Just get there. Don’t fall out.

After seemingly four years of walking up the steep trail we hiked up one year ago, we finally reached the pavilion a quarter-mile from the trailhead. As we approached the pavilion, Tyler looked confused.

“It looks like someone is having an event here. Do you know what’s going on?”

“No,” I responded. “Maybe someone is having a wedding here or something. It doesn’t look like anyone is here.”

“Look, there’s sunflowers!” Tyler exclaimed with a smile as we walked into the pavilion.

“Yeah, someone really set this up,” I responded, trying to hide any sign I was behind all of this. “Look, Tyler, I know someone else is using this pavilion. But it’s too perfect. We have to dance to our song. Then, we can leave and picnic somewhere else.”

I quickly turned on “Could I Love You Any More?” on the same speaker I surprised her with last year. With my adrenaline pumping, I grabbed her hand and danced with her to a song we have listened to so many times together.

“Oh, Tyler, there’s people coming, let’s go!” I said in the middle of the song to confuse her even more. Then, I quickly said, “Oh, never mind, there’s no one there.” Even until the last minute, I was acting to make this one hell of a surprise.

As the song came to a close, I gave a very deep sigh and turned off the speaker.

“Tyler I have a demand, a confession, and a question,” I said looking into her now very confused face. “The demand is that you stand right here.” I positioned her in the middle of the pavilion. “My confession is that I did this,” I said with a smirk.

“When did you do this?!” Tyler blurted out.

“And my question is…” I grabbed the ring from the blankets and knelt in front of her, “Will you marry me?”

I always try to plan everything in my life. Even the special things.

Lifestyle, My Life

10 sensational songs I listened to on repeat this spring

June 7, 2021 No Comments

This spring had a lot of hits, from Demi Lovato’s “Dancing with the Devil” to Taylor Swift’s Fearless (Taylor’s Version) album drop to a number of hit singles from Justin Bieber & Cardi B. But, if you know anything about me, you know the songs that make my playlist are rarely the ones charting on Billboard.

It’s not that I don’t like these songs or artists – a few of them did pop up on this season’s playlist – but my absolute favorites tend to have lyrics that touch my heart & instrumentation that embraces my soul. And this past spring, I found songs from all different genres that did just that.

If you’re ready for an eclectic music experience, read on for my top picks this past spring from all different genres. And if you’re more of a listening than a reading type, skip to the bottom for my full spring playlist – a 3 hour 34 minute playlist that includes all these songs, some top hits I couldn’t help myself from jamming to, & a few more finds from my Spotify Discover Weekly.

1. A cinematic choice: Flying by Cody Fry

This was the first song on my spring playlist this past season. Flying by Cody Fry takes you on a cinematic experience, with large instrumental swells & beautiful lyrics that describe a soul that has lost hope in a savior. It’s one I can’t help turning the volume up on my headphones for every time.

2. A romantic tune: 1953 by The National Parks

You can’t have a proper playlist without a love song. This past spring, I fell in love with the song 1953 by The National Parks. The song was written by lead singer Brady Parks about his grandparents. Their true love story brought me to tears with its beauty, especially at the bridge that features spoken interviews from the two lovebirds themselves. It is heartwarming & will renew your faith in true love.

3. The fun alt rock one: Follow You by Imagine Dragons

My high school favorite still holds strong. Imagine Dragons always has a feature on my playlists. Many of their tunes are rather dark, often inspired by lead singer Dan Reynold’s personal life struggles with depression, but this rare love song is a fun tune to dance & lightly head-bang to.

4. My worship highlight: Strong in You by Allison Clarke

Allison Clarke, an artist based out of Nashville, released Strong in You in 2017, but somehow I am just now hearing it. It’s jazzy, acoustic feel is one you can move to, while the lyrics help me to remember where to center myself when things in life get tough.

5. Back-road driving hit: Feels Like Home by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors & Ellie Holcomb

This song took me back to my childhood, summer nights spent in my grandmother’s campground after a long day on the boat fishing, singing songs in harmony with my family. It’s lyrical imagery took me down country roads & back to my roots, while the sweet, soft acoustic sound brought tears to my eyes. It’s an easy listening song perfect for a long drive down a back road with the windows down.

6. The angsty rap song: TRUST by NF ft. Tech N9ne

The talent of these two rap artists is incredibly impressive as they spit bars faster than I can comprehend the words they are saying. Despite the title, this song talks more about a lack of trust in these artists’ lives, while the music, instead of being a repetitive beat in the background, moves with lyrics, placing emphasis where needed & pulling you in deeper.

7. A relaxed indie choice: The Future (Tell Me Love Remains) by Brooke Fraser ft. The Real Efforts of Real People

What does the future hold? Nothing good, if we don’t fill it with love ourselves. The Future (Tell Me Love Remains) talks about what the future may hold with a hopeful but concerned outlook. It’s slow instrumental build grows as the artists’ hope grows, taking you on a small, musical journey that helps you feel a little more optimistic by the end, too.

8. A thoughtful piece: Until It Happens to You by Sasha Sloan

A small warning: This song depresses me every single time I listen to it. It’s the hard truth of life – we don’t know how hard it is to lose someone until we lose someone close to us. This song tackles grief in its raw, pure form, & despite the gentle instrumentation, it’s gut-wrenching. It is truly a lyrical masterpiece.

9. A beautiful instrumental: Overture II by Sleeping At Last

The concert pianist version of me from another life just can’t help adding instrumental beauties like this to my playlist. Sleeping At Last composes songs based around a different theme for each album, & they are always incredibly creative & soulful. I first discovered this artist when listening to their album Atlas: Enneagram – each of the nine songs described the human experience of different enneagram number personalities, & every song featured musical artists who identify as that number. It is a musical masterpiece that I highly recommend to anyone. Overture II is a short piece that opens the album Atlas: Year Two. It is meant to represent the forming of life, which is captured perfectly by the musical swells of the violins & the rich sound of the cello. If you don’t normally listen to instrumental music, this short & sweet 1 1/2-minute piece is worth a listen.

10. And, last but not least, a jazzy throwback: Many Ways to Say I Love You performed by Holly Yarbrough

Holly Yarbrough’s album Mister Rogers Swings! features multiple songs from Mr. Rogers’ show, reinterpreted in a new, jazzy style. They are fun to listen to, & they fill your heart with positivity as you walk out the door in the morning or get home from a long day at night.

Listen to my full spring playlist on Spotify! Along with these songs, it features hit artists like Taylor Swift & Demi Lovato, indie stars like The Lumineers, & lesser known but talented artists like Próxima Parada.

What were your favorite songs this past spring? Leave me a comment below!

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