My father always used to repeat the Tony Robbins quote, “Repetition is the mother of skill.” Every time I did something wrong: “Repetition is the mother of skill.” Every time I started working on something new: “Repetition is the mother of skill.” Every time I did something successfully, my father told me why: “Repetition is the mother of skill.”
Needless to say, I found this to be the most annoying phrase of words ever strung together.
My father knew I hated this phrase. With a smile, he’d often start it and then wait patiently, refusing to let me leave the room until I grudgingly completed it for him.
The most annoying thing about this phrase is that it was true. The more I practiced and repeated something, the better I got at it. Repetition truly was the best way to refine my skills. I could never bring myself to admit this to my father, but today the phrase still repeats in my head whenever I am struggling with something.
During my senior year of college, I found myself remembering the phrase as I practiced a speech for a class. It was a rather comprehensive speech, stuffed full of information in a measly three minutes. Normally, I performed my speeches without practicing. I found I was more eloquent if I knew the basic outline of my speech instead of trying to remember the exact words I wanted to say. However, I knew I wouldn’t be able to fit in all the information I wanted to say in the allotted time without rehearsing it. What amazed me was that, because of the repeated practices, it was the most articulate and powerful speech I had ever given. I received tumultuous praise from my classmates and professor, and was rewarded with a perfect score.
Later that day, when relaying the experience to my father, I mentioned how surprised I was by how much the practices helped. I cringed immediately, hoping with bated breath that he would merely give a small assent of agreeance.
“Well, you know,” he began, and I could hear the smile through which he spoke. I groaned internally, knowing the words that were about to come. “Repetition is the mother of skill.”
Happy Father’s Day to the man who always inspires me to work hard & pursue my dreams. I would not be where I am today without your loving support & words of wisdom, even the ones I found irksome. 😉
It’s a tough pill to swallow. Disappointment is that empty feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes it difficult to focus on anything else. And it doesn’t just hurt when we personally experience disappointment. There’s no worse slap in the face than when someone tells you they are disappointed in you.
According to Psychology Today, disappointment is a type of sadness: “A feeling of loss, an uncomfortable space (or a painful gap) between our expectations & reality.” We can set ourselves up for disappointment when we have higher expectations for a situation or outcome than what is realistic.
According to Dr. Tara Well, an associate professor of psychology at Barnard College of Columbia University, one way to deal with disappointment before it happens is to manage these expectations. Be realistic when setting time limits to achieve your goals, & realize that, even if you achieve a desired outcome, it may not give you the happiness you desire. We are taught to associate happiness with certain things, like money or power, but often these things fail to give us the happiness we thought they would. Similarly, disappointment can come from placing too many expectations or too much responsibility for your happiness on a single person in your life. And we also face disappointment when things don’t go as planned; when things don’t fall into place the way we thought they would, especially when we worked hard to make it so, it can be disheartening.
One of the most important things you can do to avoid disappointment is to approach life in a more relaxed state. Being flexible allows you to deal with moments with acceptance & perseverance, rather than disappointment. But, that’s a rather hard thing to do. If you are naturally more anxious or perfectionistic, changing your personality is not an easy task.
So, what do you do if you’re already feeling disappointed?
If you’re feeling disappointed in yourself, speak to yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Look for the lesson in what you learned to move forward with knowledge & insight from this moment. And most importantly, have grace & forgiveness for yourself.
If you are disappointed in a person, remember to approach others with kindness as well. Think about whether the expectations you are placing on others are things you should be fulfilling for yourself. Sometimes, it is necessary to reevaluate a relationship to make sure it is beneficial for both parties – that there is an even give & take. But other times, we have to recognize our own needs, & realize that the other person is either not capable of fulfilling them, or that we did not even communicate them properly. In both of these situations, communicating with the other person & working together to define what your relationship will look like is a good next step.
And last but not least, what do you do when you encounter a disappointing situation?
I think the first instinct for a lot of us is to put our heads down & move on. I mean, there’s no point crying over spilled milk right? And in situations that cannot be changed, this may be the best route of action. Take whatever lesson you can from the situation & move on. But what about for situations where you may be able to change something? Or, perhaps, there is a better alternative that you didn’t even think of before.
Every time I’ve just “moved on” in my life after a disappointment, instead of thinking about what I could do instead, it tends to become one of those memories from years ago that pops into my head when I lie in bed & keeps me up all night.
When I face a disappointing situation, the first thing I honestly do is cry & have a little pity party for myself. Then I brush myself off & fight it.
Is it futile? Sometimes, yes. I mean, if we’re using the spilled milk analogy, have you ever tried gather up spilled liquid off the ground? There’s absolutely no point. Clean it up, throw it out, & move on.
But, maybe it isn’t spilled milk. Maybe it’s just a dropped piece of chocolate, & I think the five-second-rule applies. I want to know, when I lay down & get to thinking late at night that I did everything I could to get the outcome I desired. Because it’s one thing to be disappointed in a situation, but it’s an entirely different thing to be disappointed in myself. It doesn’t always work out, but it can save me from thinking back & regretting the choices that I’ve made in my life, & that’s worth the fight.
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Note: Read all the way to the end of this article for a special summer giveaway opportunity!
Summer is finally here, which means it’s the perfect time to get some sunlight, relax & recharge. And especially after the year we all had, I think it’s time for a little extra self-care time.
Self-care is a very personal experience, & it should always be spent doing things that specifically bring you joy & comfort. But, there’s nothing wrong with switching up your self-care activities to reflect the unique joys that each season brings. Summer is full of fun ways to show yourself some love.
Read on for 10 easy ways to practice self-care this season.
This is by far the simplest way to practice self-care this season, but it’s still super important. When we are exposed to sunlight, our brains release serotonin, otherwise known as the “happy hormone.” Serotonin not only boosts our mood; it also helps us to feel calm & focused, which means more productive lives. In addition to this, the sun gives us Vitamin D, which is linked to better bone health, & it can actually help promote healthy skin! That glowing look you want can be achieved by spending time in the sun’s rays! Just make sure you show your skin a little extra self-care & wear lots of sunscreen.
Physically & socially, spend some time off the grid this summer. Get out of town. Plan a vacation & treat yourself. And when you do, consider staying unplugged from your phone. I know, there are tons of Instagrammable photos to share on vacation, but you can always share them later. Give yourself a little time to be present with those around you, or just to yourself, because you deserve your undivided attention as well.
3. Spend time with people who make you feel good
Joseph & me at brunch with my parents
Distance yourself from negativity & spend time with people who make you feel good. Now that COVID-19 restrictions are lifting, you can finally go out to brunch, swim in the pool, or go to a concert with the people that matter most to you. Plan a picnic, go on a walk, or just give someone you love a phone call. Studies show that spending time with people helps reduce the symptoms of many mental health conditions, including anxiety & depression, & building strong relationships helps provide support when you are experiencing challenging situations.
Every body is a beach body. Whether it’s a bikini, a sundress, a one-piece, or a sarong, wear what makes you feel most beautiful & confident to the beach, & don’t give one thought to what other people think. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who dresses with dignity & carries herself with confidence.
This is important all year long, but it’s especially important in summer. When we sweat, we lose water, & when our bodies are dehydrated, they don’t function properly. Signs of dehydration include fatigue, constipation, dry skin, & headaches, & severe dehydration can cause low blood pressure, heat exhaustion, seizures, heat stroke, kidney failure, & coma. Keep your body hydrated by drinking water throughout your day. You can add more flavor to your water by adding fresh fruits, herbs, or vegetables. One refreshing combination I love is cucumber, mint & lime. Or, if I’m in the mood for something sweet, I love adding freshly chopped berries. If you’re doing activities outdoors, consider adding electrolytes to your water – choose low-sugar brands that will replenish the sodium, magnesium, & potassium you are losing through your sweat without loading up on sugar. When you keep your body hydrated, it gives you more energy & helps you to feel your best.
6. Visit a farmer’s market
Joseph & me at the farmer’s market picking out fresh produce for a picnic dinner
With spring & early summer gardens finally in full bloom, this is the perfect opportunity to visit your local farmer’s market & pick out fresh produce to cook with. It supports a local business, & it also a fun way to eat healthy. Look for recipe inspiration on Pinterest, or just start experimenting in the kitchen!
Get outside & enjoy the warm weather while exercising. There are lots of fun summer activities that are also great forms of exercise, including kayaking, swimming, & hiking. Try to go out early in the morning or later in the evening to avoid the hottest parts of the day, & make sure to wear sunscreen while you’re outdoors.
Enjoy your summer days to the fullest by waking up with the sun. Bringing natural light into your room & waking up with the sunrise is a much more gentle way to wake up, as opposed to a blaring alarm clock. This means you wake up more refreshed & ready to tackle your day! And, if you do this consistently, your circadian rhythm will adjust, which means deeper sleep & more productive days.
Whether you’re relaxing on the beach or spending a day indoors away from the heat, summer is the perfect time to start a new book. Why not find something inspirational? Pick a topic you are interested in, or simply search for inspirational books online or at your local library to find your new uplifting read.
Alright, as promised, it is giveaway time!
Much of my blog is dedicated to helping my readers find more self-care in their lives. To help inspire you to take better care of yourself this summer, I have a challenge that could help you win some special prizes!
The Summer Self-Care Bingo Challenge includes all the self-care activities listed above, plus 14 more ways to show yourself some extra love this summer. Complete 5 activities in a row, column, or diagonally to win a month-long subscription to Sticker of the Month & the weekly newsletter. Complete the entire board, & you will a FREE Sunshine Box! That’s right – spend more time this summer dedicated to self-care, & you can get more self-care delivered right to your doorstep!
To complete a bingo square, post a selfie of you completing the activity on Instagram & tag me @TylerVLayne with the hashtag #SummerSelfCareBingo, & I will do the rest of the work for you. The Summer Self-Care Bingo Challenge will start June 15 & will end August 30.
“Joseph, we can’t plan our first dance. One of us has to surprise the other.”
The night sky was clear, stars littering the air all above us. The hood of my car kept bending under the weight of our bodies. Maybe laying on the hood of my car would damage it, but I’ve waited for a moment like this for too long. I didn’t give it a second thought.
I don’t know how many nights I laid on the ground, looking into this sprinkled sky. Even though the view was always breathtaking, I couldn’t escape the gaping hole of loneliness I felt every night prior to this one.
I turned away from the beautiful stars to something way more beautiful.
“I guess you’re right,” I laughed. “I always try to plan everything in my life. Even the special things.”
“Well, Joseph…” She was able to look into my eyes because the stars lit up our faces. “Thank you for this tonight. This is special and you surprised me.”
“Would you like to go for a hike today? I know this one trail that leads to a pavilion and it is really pretty.” She nodded her head, fresh in love after just two months of dating me.
Getting out of my car, I slipped my small Bose MicroLink speaker into my pocket without her seeing.
The hike was a quarter-mile up a steep hill to a pavilion surrounded by a field of tall grass in the middle of the woods. The pavilion was called “High Meadow.”
“This is so pretty!” She looked into my eyes again with that look.
I slipped out my speaker and said, “Well, you said we had to surprise each other for that first dance.” Her face brightened even more.
I put on “Could I Love You Any More?” by Reneé Dominique and Jason Mraz, which had just recently released three days prior. We had listened to it way more than three times already. I think it was a pretty good song pick for our first dance.
She took hold of me and we had our first dance, underneath that pavilion on that June day, with the smell of summer fresh in our noses. I don’t remember the last time I was happy like this before I started dating her, but I’ll never forget how she took hold of my heart forever.
I already knew from the moment I fell in love with her that I was going to marry her, but now I also already knew how I was going to propose.
After the novel coronavirus in 2020, I don’t think anybody had a normal vacation. After not seeing each other for most of March and April, Tyler and I had not had a lot of time to enjoy our relationship. Finally, in June, Tyler had a great idea.
“What if I take off work next week and we have a ‘staycation?’” Tyler asked.
“What is a ‘staycation?’” I laughed.
“You act as if you are on vacation at your house. You do things you don’t ordinarily do during your normal week around your state. I don’t have to work on my business this week and it would be fun,” she explained.
“Well, you taking off work sounds fantastic,” I said through a smile because Tyler is most certainly a workaholic. “Let’s do it.”
I planned on asking her to marry me later in the summer, but the timing felt too right. I had already bought the ring three weeks ago and asked her father for permission to marry her. I decided I was going to ask her the big question by the end of the week. It was going to be in that pavilion we had our first dance like I had planned all along.
We started off our week to a rainy and lazy Tuesday, watching our favorite TV shows and cooking. But to make this proposal one that would surprise her, I had to throw her off the scent.
“Hey Ty, we should browse more for rings. Want to go to that ring shop near my house this week?” I mean, what better way to throw her off the scent?
“Sure, we can go tomorrow,” she said.
When we were at the ring shop on Wednesday, my stomach dropped because I didn’t consider the fact she could change her mind on the ring she wanted. As we entered the store, I tried to play it cool.
After browsing some rings, Tyler asked the clerk, “Can you size me? I haven’t gotten officially sized.” The man nodded and quickly grabbed the box full of every size ring.
Pick size six. Pick size six. Pick size six.
“Well, size six is way too big for you,” the clerk said, taking off the size 6 ring and reaching back into his box. “Let’s try something smaller.”
As we jumped backed into my Mazda 30 minutes later, Tyler turned from the passenger seat.
“I want the ring we picked out a couple months ago. It’s the ring. But now we know I’m a size five.” A wave of relief washed over me knowing I did purchase the ring she wanted, as well as another wave of anxiety over the fact I bought the wrong size. I figured it was good I was asking this week because I had only bought the ring three weeks ago, so I was still eligible to return it if needed.
With full confidence that I was going to ask her in a couple of days, I texted my brother Jon, who is a professional photographer. “You free this weekend?I may want you for pictures if you know what I mean.” Because I had told him only two weeks ago I had Tyler’s ring, he responded with several exclamation marks.
Now that Jon was in to take our pictures as well as decorate the pavilion, I needed to find a way to get Tyler there without her suspecting a proposal.
On Friday, Tyler and I went to Western Maryland for our first of many road trips. Once we were comfortable in our seats for our three hour drive, I turned down the music.
“What if we had a fancy picnic this week?” I asked.
“Well, sure. I mean, where would you want to have a picnic?” she responded. “I don’t really have any dresses with me either.” She did not seem to be very enthusiastic about the idea.
“Well, I was thinking we could hike to that pavilion where we had our first dance. Actually, I looked at the calendar this morning and it has been one year since our first dance. It’s almost poetic, you know?”
“Oh! And then we can go to the farmers market and buy fresh ingredients! We should buy wine, too!” Tyler changed from indifference to eagerness. This was too perfect.
“We are about to pass the exit for your apartment, should we stop by there to pick up some dresses for you?” I asked quickly, as I saw her exit approaching on Route 695.
“Yes, it’s right here, get off!” she shouted.
With a quick check to my right, I crossed over five lanes of traffic and barely made it.
When we were browsing her closet for dresses, she pulled out an orange sundress. When I saw it, I knew that was the dress.
“I bought this just for you,” Tyler said. “I actually haven’t worn it yet.” She showed me the price tag still attached.
Everything was falling into place. The plan was that Jon and his wife, Becca, would go to High Meadow on Saturday, which was the day before I planned to propose, to set up the pavilion with sunflowers (her favorite flower). They surprised me by decorating the whole pavilion with more than I expected, including a blanket they bought that said, “Of all the walks we have taken, this one is my favorite.” That was perfect for avid hikers like Tyler and me.
On Sunday, all that was left was getting there without her suspecting anything. After we had picked up our ingredients from a local farmer’s market along with some wine, we got ready. When I walked into the bathroom, Tyler turned and looked at me.
“Wow! You are really dressed up!” she said.
“Yup,” I responded with pride.
“Do you like what I am wearing?” She looked at me expectantly wearing a casual blue dress, not the orange sundress she told me she was going to wear.
Even though Tyler looks amazing in sweatpants, I knew it was not the dress she would want to wear for her engagement photos. So, with a gulp, I said, “Well…it’s okay…”
“Do you want me to change?” Tyler asked with a surprised tone, since this was the first time I had ever said anything like this.
“Yes.” I said. “Actually yes, I do.” I had to get her into that orange sundress.
When we pulled the dress out of her bag, she exclaimed, “Joseph, it’s all wrinkly!”
“I will iron it!” I announced as I pulled out my iron in the closet and began to straighten it.
As she was getting dressed, I slid silently into the other room to grab the ring. I hid it in a drawer right beside the bed she had been sleeping in for the last couple weeks. Along with most things with this proposal, I had taken a risk.
I ran downstairs and shoved the box into the pile of blankets we were going to take.
When we hopped in the car, I noticed she was wearing her normal, sporty flip flops.
“Hey, where are your nice flip flops?” I asked.
“They are in the house,” she explained with annoyance.
“I will go get them!” I shouted as I ran inside.
Because I had been acting so strange about the clothes Tyler was supposed to wear, the 30-minute drive to the trailhead was silent and extremely awkward. I kept trying to make small talk, but I knew Tyler was analyzing why I was acting so weird.
When we were exiting the car, I realized I had made a humongous mistake. I forgot I hid the ring box in the blankets, not the picnic basket. I couldn’t carry both the blankets and the picnic basket, but I couldn’t ask her to carry the heavy picnic basket while I carried the light blankets.
I turned to Tyler with the pile of blankets, her engagement ring stuffed inside. “Here, you can carry this.”
As the realization hit me that the ring box could fall out at any moment, my heart beat faster than ever before in my life.
“You can walk ahead of me.” I said, knowing that if it did fall out, I had to be ready. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Just get there. Don’t fall out. Just get there. Don’t fall out.
After seemingly four years of walking up the steep trail we hiked up one year ago, we finally reached the pavilion a quarter-mile from the trailhead. As we approached the pavilion, Tyler looked confused.
“It looks like someone is having an event here. Do you know what’s going on?”
“No,” I responded. “Maybe someone is having a wedding here or something. It doesn’t look like anyone is here.”
“Look, there’s sunflowers!” Tyler exclaimed with a smile as we walked into the pavilion.
“Yeah, someone really set this up,” I responded, trying to hide any sign I was behind all of this. “Look, Tyler, I know someone else is using this pavilion. But it’s too perfect. We have to dance to our song. Then, we can leave and picnic somewhere else.”
I quickly turned on “Could I Love You Any More?” on the same speaker I surprised her with last year. With my adrenaline pumping, I grabbed her hand and danced with her to a song we have listened to so many times together.
“Oh, Tyler, there’s people coming, let’s go!” I said in the middle of the song to confuse her even more. Then, I quickly said, “Oh, never mind, there’s no one there.” Even until the last minute, I was acting to make this one hell of a surprise.
As the song came to a close, I gave a very deep sigh and turned off the speaker.
“Tyler I have a demand, a confession, and a question,” I said looking into her now very confused face. “The demand is that you stand right here.” I positioned her in the middle of the pavilion. “My confession is that I did this,” I said with a smirk.
“When did you do this?!” Tyler blurted out.
“And my question is…” I grabbed the ring from the blankets and knelt in front of her, “Will you marry me?”
I always try to plan everything in my life. Even the special things.
It’s not that I don’t like these songs or artists – a few of them did pop up on this season’s playlist – but my absolute favorites tend to have lyrics that touch my heart & instrumentation that embraces my soul. And this past spring, I found songs from all different genres that did just that.
If you’re ready for an eclectic music experience, read on for my top picks this past spring from all different genres. And if you’re more of a listening than a reading type, skip to the bottom for my full spring playlist – a 3 hour 34 minute playlist that includes all these songs, some top hits I couldn’t help myself from jamming to, & a few more finds from my Spotify Discover Weekly.
1. A cinematic choice: Flying by Cody Fry
This was the first song on my spring playlist this past season. Flying by Cody Fry takes you on a cinematic experience, with large instrumental swells & beautiful lyrics that describe a soul that has lost hope in a savior. It’s one I can’t help turning the volume up on my headphones for every time.
2. A romantic tune: 1953 by The National Parks
You can’t have a proper playlist without a love song. This past spring, I fell in love with the song 1953 by The National Parks. The song was written by lead singer Brady Parks about his grandparents. Their true love story brought me to tears with its beauty, especially at the bridge that features spoken interviews from the two lovebirds themselves. It is heartwarming & will renew your faith in true love.
3. The fun alt rock one: Follow You by Imagine Dragons
My high school favorite still holds strong. Imagine Dragons always has a feature on my playlists. Many of their tunes are rather dark, often inspired by lead singer Dan Reynold’s personal life struggles with depression, but this rare love song is a fun tune to dance & lightly head-bang to.
4. My worship highlight: Strong in You by Allison Clarke
Allison Clarke, an artist based out of Nashville, released Strong in You in 2017, but somehow I am just now hearing it. It’s jazzy, acoustic feel is one you can move to, while the lyrics help me to remember where to center myself when things in life get tough.
5. Back-road driving hit: Feels Like Home by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors & Ellie Holcomb
This song took me back to my childhood, summer nights spent in my grandmother’s campground after a long day on the boat fishing, singing songs in harmony with my family. It’s lyrical imagery took me down country roads & back to my roots, while the sweet, soft acoustic sound brought tears to my eyes. It’s an easy listening song perfect for a long drive down a back road with the windows down.
6. The angsty rap song: TRUST by NF ft. Tech N9ne
The talent of these two rap artists is incredibly impressive as they spit bars faster than I can comprehend the words they are saying. Despite the title, this song talks more about a lack of trust in these artists’ lives, while the music, instead of being a repetitive beat in the background, moves with lyrics, placing emphasis where needed & pulling you in deeper.
7. A relaxed indie choice: The Future (Tell Me Love Remains) by Brooke Fraser ft. The Real Efforts of Real People
What does the future hold? Nothing good, if we don’t fill it with love ourselves. The Future (Tell Me Love Remains) talks about what the future may hold with a hopeful but concerned outlook. It’s slow instrumental build grows as the artists’ hope grows, taking you on a small, musical journey that helps you feel a little more optimistic by the end, too.
8. A thoughtful piece: Until It Happens to You by Sasha Sloan
A small warning: This song depresses me every single time I listen to it. It’s the hard truth of life – we don’t know how hard it is to lose someone until we lose someone close to us. This song tackles grief in its raw, pure form, & despite the gentle instrumentation, it’s gut-wrenching. It is truly a lyrical masterpiece.
9. A beautiful instrumental: Overture II by Sleeping At Last
The concert pianist version of me from another life just can’t help adding instrumental beauties like this to my playlist. Sleeping At Last composes songs based around a different theme for each album, & they are always incredibly creative & soulful. I first discovered this artist when listening to their album Atlas: Enneagram – each of the nine songs described the human experience of different enneagram number personalities, & every song featured musical artists who identify as that number. It is a musical masterpiece that I highly recommend to anyone. Overture II is a short piece that opens the album Atlas: Year Two. It is meant to represent the forming of life, which is captured perfectly by the musical swells of the violins & the rich sound of the cello. If you don’t normally listen to instrumental music, this short & sweet 1 1/2-minute piece is worth a listen.
10. And, last but not least, a jazzy throwback: Many Ways to Say I Love You performed by Holly Yarbrough
Holly Yarbrough’s album Mister Rogers Swings! features multiple songs from Mr. Rogers’ show, reinterpreted in a new, jazzy style. They are fun to listen to, & they fill your heart with positivity as you walk out the door in the morning or get home from a long day at night.
After a season of growth, summer is the perfect season to relax & find joy in the present moment.
Positive affirmations are a great way to reframe your perspective on life & keep your mind focused on what’s most important. Your mindset has the power to give you more confidence & positivity in your daily life, or to bring you down. By repeating affirmations in your mind, you can ease anxieties & help yourself to focus on what’s most important.
These five affirmations are geared towards summer fun & relaxation. Whether you are trying to clear your mind while lounging by the pool, or if you’re attempting to ease anxieties before a big trip, these affirmations will help you enjoy your summer to its fullest. Feel free to share on social media, or save these graphics to make them your new phone background! It’s an easy way to remind yourself to repeat these words when you need them most.
