After the excitement of last night, it was a relief to wake to a blessedly quiet morning.
I began my day with a hot run into the neighborhoods nearby and down a biking path that yielded a spectacular view of the mountains. Sweat poured down my face, but the air was clean and filled my lungs enough to help me power through. As I ran, I admired the cacti that loomed threateningly, casting shadows over the path. When I looked down at my pounding feet, I caught sight of lizards scurrying by, searching for a shady spot to rest. Despite the heat of the desert, there is life hidden everywhere.
I arrived home, sweaty and hot but feeling accomplished. I showered and got ready for the long day ahead. Then, I sat in the kitchen to a hot cup of coffee, took a deep breath, and drank in the serenity of the tranquil, desert morning.
Today was our last day in Tucson. Luckily for us, it is not quite time to say goodbye. We were able to postpone the inevitable farewells by having Steve and kids travel with us to Sun City to visit more family. However, there was one thing we had to do before leaving – I had promised Thomas that I would watch the new live action Aladdin movie with him. We were supposed to watch it last night, but after the excitement of the hospital visit, it was far too late and we were all far too tired to enjoy the viewing experience. Instead, we sat in the living room today with Jake, Samuel, my parents, and Steve to enjoy one of my favorite Disney princess movies reimagined. While watching, I played a game of cards with Steve, which was thoroughly entertaining. Steve is a master of cards, so he was a challenging opponent. Lucky for me, the game we played had a bit of luck worked in, so I was able to hang with him for most of the game. I lost, of course, but it was a still a match I could be somewhat proud of.
After the movie, all of us hurriedly got ready and packed our bags for our next destination. The car ride was long and lazy. Jake and Thomas dozed in the seats in front of me while Dad and Mom talked intermittently in quiet tones. We had all been up late last night and had little energy to spare because of it.
I thought Arizona would be about the same temperature anywhere we went. I discovered today that I was mistaken. Sun City, I realized, was aptly named. The sun was the most noticeable feature of the place. It scorched the land and beat down on us relentlessly. I started sweating in the sweltering heat as soon as I stepped out of the car.
We hurried inside, where we were greeted with a gracious air conditioned space. We had arrived at Bev’s and Gus’ house, my mother’s and Steve’s aunt and uncle. After their parents passed away, my Mom and Steve moved to live with Bev and Gus for the duration of their teenage years. I have not seen Bev and Gus since I was 11 years old.
Bev had prepared an extravagant spread for lunch, which we attacked like scavengers. It was now late in the afternoon and none of us had eaten since early in the morning.
Gus and Bev looked like they had not aged a day since the last day I had seen them. Funnily enough, Bev said the same thing about me. We spent the afternoon and evening talking and catching up, sharing stories and reconnecting after years spent living across the country.
Today was not an eventful day, but it was one of my favorites thus far. After the fear I felt last night from the scorpion attack, it was such a relief to have a relaxed day, surrounded by loving family members and the lazy, still desert atmosphere that discourages boisterous activity with its merciless heat. Today was a day to appreciate and remember just how blessed I am by the people I have in my life and the beauty of the world around me. I am used to speeding through life, always looking to the next activity, but it was a relief to slow down on this vacation and just appreciate the moment I was in.
When I stop rushing through life, I realize just how truly beautiful it is and how fortunate I am to be able to experience it.
The majority of our day in Arizona was uneventful. Everyone in the house seemed to be tired after the late night we had yesterday, so we decided to have a lazy day. We watched Hamilton and played games, and a couple of us even decided to enjoy an afternoon nap.
In the evening, Steve, Isabella, Kathleen, my mom, and I sat around the table to play cards. Dad retired to bed early, and Jake headed upstairs with Samuel and Thomas to play Mario Kart. Hours passed as we laughed and drank, determined to make the most of our last evening together in Tucson.
Near the end of the game, Thomas and Samuel came bounding down the stairs, followed by Jake, who was holding his right leg awkwardly in front of him as he hopped on his left foot.
“I was bitten by a scorpion,” he announced. A beat of silence followed this statement before all of us at the table stood.
“You were what,” Mom demanded.
“Bitten by a scorpion,” Jake repeated. He, ironically, seemed to be the calmest person in the room.
“Where?” Steve asked.
“In one of the bedrooms,” Jake said. “We were playing hide-and-seek.”
“He’s probably gone by now,” Steve said. Despite this, he still followed Jake back upstairs to the bedroom. A moment later we could hear the stomping of a heavy shoe, the sound that told us the scorpion had been both found and killed.
Mom ran out of the room to wake Dad, while I turned to the two girls.
“Get me some gauze and something sturdy to make a tourniquet,” I said. They both ran out of the room as I grabbed my phone to call 911. This, however, went out of my head as soon as Jake came back into the room. He rushed to his backpack, tore it open, and pulled out a military style belt, which he wrapped tightly around his upper leg.
“It says to do a cold compress and to keep the area elevated,” Kathleen said as she returned, reading off her phone. Isabella followed her and set the gauze I had asked for on the table.
“Tyler,” my mom called as she ran back into the room. “You’re driving.”
“I can’t drive,” I exclaimed.
“You need to,” she said. This, I realized a moment later, was true. Of all the adults present, I was the most sober.
Steve thankfully remembered to call 911 as I left the room to grab the car keys. I went to start the car, but after waiting for a few moments, I realized my family was not following. I ran back inside.
“Jake, you are going to cut off circulation to your leg,” I heard my mom say. “Loosen it up a bit.”
“No,” I exclaimed, rushing into the room. “That’s what a tourniquet is supposed to do.” Jake was lying on the couch, his foot elevated on my dad’s shoulder.
“How do you feel,” I asked him.
“It hurts,” he said to me with a smile. His jovial attitude reassured me. Steve walked into the room saying it was recommended we take Jake to the hospital. We helped Jake hop to the car, where I returned to my spot in the driver’s seat.
Luckily, I had drank very little, and we arrived at the hospital 20 minutes later. I dropped Jake off at the Emergency Room with our parents and then parked the car. Jake’s last request to me as he hobbled out was to keep his girlfriend, Jess, updated. I reassured him that I would, so the first thing I did in that hospital waiting room was send her a text of what I knew.
My parents and I waited in silence. A few minutes ticked by before the doctor emerged.
“He is going to be fine,” she said. “I gave him an ice pack, and we are going to monitor him to make sure he doesn’t have a reaction.”
“How long will that take,” my mom asked.
“At least an hour,” she said. “Also, unfortunately, because of COVID, you all can’t wait here. You can wait in your car, or you can go home, and he can call you when he is ready.”
We walked out of the hospital, each a little torn on what to do. When we got back in the car, my dad asked my mom if she wanted to stay or go.
“I guess we can go back to the house,” she said. I, personally, wanted to stay in the parking lot. I knew if it had been me in that room, it would be reassuring to know that my family members were so close by. But I reversed the car and drove out of the parking lot.
As we were driving back, Mom received a call from Steve. She relayed to him what the doctor had told us, and then she said that she was going to drop off me and Dad at the house and then return to the hospital. When she got off of the phone, there was a short pause before I spoke.
“I didn’t know you were planning on dropping us off at the house,” I said.
“Neither did I,” Dad said.
“If I had known, I would have just stayed at the hospital,” I said. “I don’t want to just wait at home.”
“Yeah, you’re not going back to the hospital alone,” Dad said. The bit of composure Mom had held onto until this point finally left her, and she broke down in tears.
“Then you make the decision, David,” she said. “I don’t want to make it.”
“Okay, let’s go back to the house,” Dad said, thinking practically. “It’s only 20 minutes away and we are already almost there. And when Jake calls, we will go straight back.” Mom agreed, but her tears only intensified. I checked the GPS and saw we were halfway between the house and hospital. With a deep breath, I pulled over the car onto a side road.
“This isn’t your turn,” Mom said.
“I know,” I replied. I parked the car and then turned to her.
“What do you want to do?” I asked. Mom didn’t answer me. “I think we should go back,” I said.
“You should ask your dad,” Mom said.
“It’s not about what I want,” Dad said. “It’s about what you want. What do you want to do?” Mom didn’t answer.
“Okay,” I said, putting the car back into drive. “We’re going back to the hospital. That’s clearly what you want to do. It’s what we all want to do.” I turned the car around and headed back down the highway. A few moments of silence passed before Mom spoke.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. At this moment, Dad’s phone began to ring. It was good that we turned around when we did because it was Jake calling – the hospital needed insurance information.
I drove back to the emergency room entrance, and Dad left the car. Through the windows, I could see Jake standing with a nurse in the waiting room.
“That’s Jake,” Mom exclaimed tearfully. “He’s standing up! That must mean he’s okay and he’s ready to come home, right?” She turned to me, her eyes hopeful and desperate, as if confirmation of this question was the lifeline she needed.
“I don’t know,” I told her. Mom bit her lip and looked back out the windshield, and then she rushed out of the car to greet her son, who was exiting the hospital. The two of them returned with Dad to the car.
My family. From left to right, Jake, Jess, Dad, me, and Mom
Jake was still in high spirits. On the ride home, he finally told us the full story: He had run into Steve’s bedroom during a game of hide-and-seek. The scorpion had been hiding right in the shadows behind the doorway. Jake said the sting had not hurt as bad as he would have thought. At first, he thought maybe it was a splinter. Then, after looking at it, he saw the area was red and swollen, so he thought maybe he had stepped on a bee. He used his phone flashlight to see what he had stepped on, and that’s when he saw the small, spider-like creature.
He did tell us it is actually not a good idea to use a tourniquet when stung or bit by a venomous animal.
“I knew it,” Mom exclaimed. The doctors had told Jake that using a tourniquet restricts all the venom in a high consistency to one area, so when the tourniquet is taken off, they have no way of controlling the venom spread into the rest of the body. It is better to elevate the bitten or stung area and let the venom seep slowly, in a more controlled state, through the bloodstream.
We returned to the house, where Jake’s main concern was where the scorpion was now. To his immense disappointment, Steve told him it had been flushed down the toilet. He had wanted to keep it, or at least get a picture, as a souvenir of his experience.
What do you do when someone you love is hurt? It’s difficult to know what to do, and everyone reacts differently. Some of us are overwhelmed by our own empathy and emotions; no one likes seeing someone they love in pain. Others become cool headed and practical, thinking only of the logical next step. Some become rooted to the spot, paralyzed with fear, while others snap into action as if they have been training for this for years. The interesting thing is there is no way to predict how you will react until you are in the situation; there is no way to prepare for the swarm of nauseating emotions or rush of adrenaline that will hit you. And the unfortunate thing is that you are most likely to make mistakes or do something unhelpful, such as recommending a tourniquet for a wound that shouldn’t have it, or being so overwhelmed by choices to make that you become too petrified to make any decision for fear it will be wrong.
Me and my brother
What we can’t do is let these mistakes and shortcomings dismay us. After all, having made these errors means we did do the most important thing anyone can for someone in pain: We were there. We were present with the person who was hurting, and we did what we could and what we knew how to do. I am so grateful for each of my family members and the different skills they brought to the table, and I am especially appreciative for the doctors who knew what Jake actually needed.
And now that I am out of the situation and can finally think about how I feel, I am so very grateful that my brother is safe and healthy. His good sense of humor, kind disposition, and relaxed approach to life are always things I have admired and loved, and I could not imagine my life without my younger brother.
What do you do when someone you love is hurt? Hopefully, you just get the chance to be there with them.
When I think of Arizona, I think of dry, relentless heat on red land adorned with cacti, shrubs, and bright orange, desert flowers. What I never imagine is rain pouring onto the parched land from a dreary gray sky.
Of all the times to visit Arizona, somehow my family and I chose the few days that monsoon season decided to hit. Our original plans for the day were pushed into the evening by the dark clouds that had taken over the sky.
One of the best things to do on rainy days is play games, and that’s exactly what we did. Now, again, this was not quite what I expected. When I think of games, I think of a deck of cards or a board game. However, my cousins, who are younger and more aware of the current trends, introduced the virtual reality system to me and my family. With the headset on, the room we were in disappeared and each of us were taken to a different world where we faced blood-thirsty zombies, frightening falls, and terrifying roller coasters. It was an immersive experience that took video games to a whole new level. My cousins, of course, were pros at the games; nothing shook them. Kathleen gleefully announced to the room every time she came into contact with a new, gruesome obstacle, and Thomas destroyed every level of each game with ease. My mother, however, shook with fear and stood, paralyzed, in the center of the room until we found a more relaxed simulation for her to experience.
Jake and Steve playing cornhole during a brief lull from the rain.
Once we tired of this game, we ate some lunch and broke out the cards and poker chips to play Screw Your Neighbor, a game my brother, Jake, introduced to us. By now, it was late into the afternoon and the rain had mostly subsided, so we decided to return to our original plans for the day and drive to Topgolf.
Let me start this by saying that the most golf I have ever played is a few rounds of putt-putt, and I was hopeless even at that game. In fact, running is just about the only sport I have any skill at; everything else requires a level of coordination that I, unfortunately, have not been gifted with. Luckily, I was in good company – my brother had only been to a driving range once, my father had not played in 20 years, and it had been even longer since my mom had played her first and only round of golf.
Topgolf reminded me a bit of a bowling alley. Everyone took turns hitting their ball into the turf where brightly colored, large holes caved into the ground. The farther away the hole was, the more points the player earned. The scores were recorded automatically by the computer at our table. I’m still not sure how the computer kept track of where our balls went when there were dozens being hit by guests every minute, all into the same turf, but the computer was almost always accurate in recording our scores.
It was a lot of fun. My uncle, Steve, is an experienced golfer, so he was able to give all of us novices some tips. At the beginning, I felt pretty hopeless about my skills – it was more than obvious that I had never played before. But after observing everyone else’s form, I began to get the hang of it and actually got a few decent strokes in. I am by no means a good golfer; I’m not event a decent golfer. But I hit the ball into the hole, and that was enough for me.
As the sky darkened, the holes in the turf were illuminated with lights that danced along to the music playing overhead. Our allotted game time came to an end, so we extended it by another half an hour, and then later, another half an hour on top of that. By the time we were finished playing, two hours had flown by without us even realizing. We were too engrossed in the gratification of when we finally hit the ball well, and the enjoyment of spending time with good company.
My relatives from Arizona – from left to right: Samuel, Kathleen, Thomas, Steve, and Isabella
The party did not end there. Well into the night, my family continued to revel in each other’s company. I was the first to retire to bed, still exhausted from the previous day’s travels.
One thing I loved about today is that none of it went according to plan, and that’s what made it so great. None of us could have known when planning this trip months ago that we would fly right into monsoon season; it was so surprising it was trending on my Twitter today. However, the rain giving life to the desert outside gave us a chance to spend time with one another without the distraction of tourist attractions. While I am eager to get out exploring Tucson, I was thankful for the day to re-explore the relationships that I haven’t had the chance to reconnect with in eight years. And when the rain finally did let up and we were able to go out, we were delighted to find that Topgolf, lit up by lights, was even more enjoyable over nighttime drinks and dinner.
Embrace the surprises and changes in life. And no matter what, remember that the best moments are made, not because of what you are doing, but because of the people you are with.
The first day of my vacation started with waking to the sound of pounding feet on a treadmill at 3a.m. I grudgingly slid out of my bed and exited my bedroom to see my dad completing his morning run before our long day ahead. We had to leave for our flight by 6:30. I yawned and headed upstairs to get ready. This day was getting an even earlier start than I had expected, but the excitement of what was ahead kept me from returning to my bed.
I got ready and went outside while the world was still dark for my own run. With a light belt around my waist and the flashlight on my phone leading the way, I jogged up and down my driveway, waking my tired muscles for the long trip ahead. The sky was just beginning to lighten as I headed back inside to shower.
My family and I packed our suitcases into the car and then headed to BWI airport. Jess, my brother’s girlfriend, dropped us off with a cheerful farewell, and then we headed to baggage claim.
Walking into the airport was like walking onto the set of an apocalyptic movie. Instead of milling with people, the lines were short with people spacing themselves out at least six feet apart. Everyone was wearing a mask. It was very different from my memories of this same airport from a year ago when I had flown to San Francisco for 4K for Cancer.
We checked our bags in record time, which meant that all the extra time we had allotted ourselves by arriving to the airport early was now just an extra two hours to kill before our plane departed. My family got pretzels from Auntie Anne’s while I bought a latte from Starbucks and a banana from Pinkberry Yogurt. I walked around the airport to stretch my legs while I still could, sipping my latte and talking to Joseph on the phone. I am missing my favorite travel buddy and photographer on this trip, who also happens to be my fiancé.
We boarded our plane at 10:30a.m., and soon we were soaring high in the sky. My family and I nodded off, already exhausted by our day. By this point, I had already been awake for eight hours, but our travels had only just begun.
Four hours later, we arrived in Denver for our layover. My mother, while comparing prices, had forgotten to check what our layover would be, which meant we accidentally got stuck with a four hour wait between flights. We ate lunch, and then Mom and I walked around the airport, window shopping. The Denver airport is the most entertaining airport I have ever been in. There were tons of shops to walk into, including a book store that caught my attention for a while. In the center of the airport is a large display of an airplane flying over platforms that have been decorated to look like ruins. The airport is filled with art exhibits to admire and enjoy, which made our walk much more entertaining than expected.
Our flight was scheduled to begin boarding at 4:35p.m. We seated ourselves at the gate at 4:00 to make sure we would have enough time. However, 4:35 came and went without any announcements. At 4:45, the gate attendant announced that they were beginning pre-boarding for the flight to Houston. My mother and I looked up at each other at the same time, our eyebrows knit in confusion. My mother stood and walked away to talk to an employee, and then she rushed back to us.
“We’re at the wrong gate,” she said. “Come on!” We gathered our belongings quickly and ran across the entire length of the airport. The gate where we were supposed to be (a different gate than what had been listed on our boarding passes) was completely empty. We rushed up to the gate attendant, who announced that the flight was fully boarded.
“I’m guessing you are the Didra family,” he said, making a few clicks on his computer. We confirmed this, and then, to our relief, he re-opened the gate for us. We rushed onto the plane, and less than two minutes later, we were once again lifting off into the sky above.
After nearly a four hour layover, we still almost missed our flight.
I spent the flight reading my book, Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan. It is a memoir that tells the story of a journalist from New York City who lost a month of her life due to some form of disease that took over her mind. It was so captivating that, before I knew it, we were landing in Tucson, Arizona.
The airport was desolate when we arrived. All of the shops were closed and apart from our fellow passengers, the terminals were empty. We picked up our luggage in record time and rented a car to drive to where my uncle, Steve, and his children, Isabella, Kathleen, Sam, and Thomas live. As soon as we started driving, we passed a cactus that towered far above me, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. It was as if the landscape wanted to assure me that we were, in fact, now in the desert.
We arrived to a beautiful spread of food and a warm home. I have not seen my family in Arizona for over eight years. The kids I played with when I was a freshman in high school are now nearly grown.
We all sat around the dinner table, catching up, playing games, and enjoying one another’s company. I wanted to stay up later, but after being awake for 22 hours and flying over 2,000 miles, I was falling asleep sitting in my chair.
Luckily, I have a week here to reunite, reconnect and reminisce. Tonight, it is time for some much-needed rest.
