self-love – Page 2 – Tyler V Layne

My yoga journey: The powerful lessons I learned on my mat

March 8, 2021 3 Comments

Me in Lotus Pose – Photo by Joseph Mauler

Note: This post does contain affiliate links. If you buy a product after clicking a link, I may earn a commission off of that purchase.

“Yoga is not about touching your toes. It is what you learn on the way down.”
–Jigar Gor

Yoga, for me, has always been a place of learning. On the mat, I learn more about myself than I discover in most other places in my life. I learn of my strength, my will, and my perseverance. I learn about my abilities, my draw to flexibility (both in my life & on the mat), & my limitations. Most importantly, I learn more about who I am, & I learn to love that person more.

Yoga was not always a part of my life. I was not a flexible child. I could not touch my toes if I wanted to. And for a long time, as ironic as it may seem given my current profession as a holistic health practitioner and personal trainer, exercise was not something I normally engaged in nor enjoyed.

However, when I was 13 years old, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. This diagnosis came after months of widespread pain in my body to the point that it was difficult to get out of bed in the mornings. I was told then that yoga could help me, both in managing my physical pain & in managing my stress, which would, in turn, decrease the amount of pain I experienced.

At first, I was skeptical. Not only was I uninterested in yoga, but I had no confidence that I could do it. As many of my first-time students think, I thought I had to be flexible to do yoga. It never occurred to me that I had it the wrong way – I didn’t need to be flexible to do yoga; yoga would help me to become flexible.

Me doing yoga on the beach in South Carolina – Photo by Kristina Stout

And it helped me with that in more ways than one. When I finally rolled out the mat & slipped back into Downward Dog, I found that yoga was not just for the body; it is for the mind as well.

The yogic lifestyle began to drip into other parts of my life. As someone who was always easily stressed & angered, someone who lived by a rigid & unyielding schedule fueled by anxiety, yoga taught me patience & flexibility. When challenges came my way, I used the strength yoga had taught me as I held Plank Pose for minutes on end. When negative situations threatened my joy, I learned to flip them around & look at them differently, just as I viewed the world from Plow Pose with my feet sitting behind my head & my shoulders supporting my body instead. I learned to meditate on worries when needed, & to let meditation sweep the worries away when they no longer needed to concern my mind. And at the end of my practice, as I laid back during Savasana, I learned that it isn’t necessarily the work, but actually the rest & relaxation that can be the most important part of my life.

Yoga carried me through some of the most difficult moments in my life. It became a regular part of my daily routine. And I always felt better, mentally, physically & spiritually, when I stepped off my mat versus when I had stepped on.

As I got older, I discovered I wanted to share this joy with others, & so I was professionally trained in the art & began teaching my own classes. There is nothing more fulfilling to me than watching a student come into my class, their body held tight with stress, their mind clearly clouded with overwhelming thoughts, & then to watch them leave with a serene expression, their body loose & mind at ease. Through teaching yoga, I learned another important lesson – my life is meant for so much more than my own experiences. I was given a life to give to others.

Me teaching yoga at Stevenson University – Photo by Dannielle Decastro

Yoga is still teaching me every day. I have a stubborn mind, & I often have to be taught the same lessons again, but Yoga is patient with me, & it continues to teach me to have patience with myself. Yoga has helped me to love the body I have been given, to explore the depths of my mind & spirituality, to believe in my own abilities, & to have grace for myself when I fall. Even though I am a yoga teacher, I still often feel like I am the student in my practice, & this, too, has taught me an important lesson: humility, & in turn, compassion & empathy for others.

Yoga is a journey, filled with ups & downs, back-bending difficulties & relaxing tests of patience & flexibility. But, if you are willing to embark upon it, I promise you will discover so much more than you ever knew about the most important subject you have to learn about in this life: Your self.

Namaste.

P.S. I am currently competing to be the Yoga Warrior of 2021! Voting opens March 9. I would be so very appreciative if you would consider voting for me. You can place your vote here.

Lifestyle, My Life

“Love isn’t 50/50”: Spreading some wisdom & love this Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2021 No Comments

Check out my new favorite tool for all my card- & craft-making needs, washi tape!

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product after clicking the associated link, I will earn a small commission off of that purchase.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today is a day dedicated to showing love to one another. It’s supposed to be a day filled with generosity & endearment for others. And for some, it still is, but for others, this is the holiday they hate the most.

I remember being single & feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day. It’s never fun to celebrate any holiday alone, but a holiday framed around celebrating a significant other has to be the most challenging. As picturesque photos of loved ones cuddling together fill our social media feeds, it’s understandable why some people would feel even more isolated & dejected.

But here’s the interesting thing to me: Those photos clouding our social media don’t tell the full story. They are full of smiling, blissful couples who look like they have the perfect relationship. However, we all know that no one has the “perfect” relationship – they are always fraught with difficulties.

Does this mean couples shouldn’t post about their significant other & share their love? Absolutely not! There is nothing wrong with celebrating a joyous thing, & being in a relationship can be one of life’s joys. In fact, you can probably expect to see a photo from me today honoring the love of my life, & why wouldn’t I? I do adore him, & I want to celebrate that.

But, there is a problem when anyone looking at these photos thinks these pictures tell the whole story. The truth is, there are hardships & joys, lessons to be learned & things to be celebrated, both when someone is single & in a relationship. And Valentine’s Day should be a day to celebrate both of these stages of life with a giving & loving spirit.

That is why Joseph & I set out on a bitterly cold February morning to spread a little positivity for Valentine’s Day. Earlier in the week, I bought heart-shaped boxes of chocolates & Starbucks gift cards, & I spent an entire evening making little valentines to go with them. Our goal was to give with the generous spirit we believe Valentine’s Day should always embody, & to learn people’s answers to one question: “What is one thing you learned, either while being single or in a relationship?”

We met with people young & old from all different walks of life, & the answers we got were fantastic. Being single gives you more freedom to do the things you want to do. Loving yourself is the most important thing, both when you’re single & when you’re in a relationship. Compromise & communication are two of the most important skills you can have in a relationship. And my personal favorite: A relationship is not 50/50 as the old adage goes, but actually 100/100 – both people have to be giving their all for a relationship to work.

And I loved watching people’s faces light up when we handed them their chocolates & Starbucks gift card. We said goodbye to everyone with a cheery, “Happy Valentines Day!” and they always returned the same. We watched them walk away with smiles on their faces, chatting excitedly about their moment sharing their wisdom & lessons learned on camera, & their joy in receiving an unexpected gift. I felt in that moment, we were all celebrating Valentine’s Day in a much more authentic & genuine way. We all felt loved, seen, & appreciated.

This Valentine’s Day, I encourage you, whether you are single or in a relationship, to enjoy this holiday for what it is: A chance to show love, either to others or to yourself, in a genuine & heartfelt way. Treat someone else to a coffee, or buy one for yourself. Indulge in some chocolate treats, or give them to someone you love. And remember that, no matter what stage of life you are in, it is serving a purpose in your life, & there is something to be appreciated & learned from it.

Most importantly, as I wrote in each little valentine that we handed out, know that you are loved just as you are, and that is something worth remembering and celebrating, not just today, but every day of the year.

P.S. Check out Joseph’s video capturing our entire day & all the great lessons we learned!

Evolve, Health, Lifestyle

The Sunshine Box: A Revolutionized Self-Care Box Subscription

January 26, 2021 No Comments

The Sunshine Box is not your average self-care box subscription.

We all need more self-care in our lives, but we are terrible at giving it to ourselves. Subscription boxes are a great way to simplify the process – the materials for a perfect self-care date with yourself are sent right to your door! But here’s the problem – self-care is a very personal experience, yet with most subscription boxes, you will be sent a carbon copy of what everyone else (or at least a group of people) are receiving that month.

It’s not the same with the Sunshine Box. By filling out the form below, I get to know you, what you like, & how you actually need to engage in self-care each month. Based on that information, I create a personalized box JUST FOR YOU! It’s a special gift for you every month, & it’s the perfect way to make sure you are making time for self-care in your life.

Learn more about the Sunshine Box & purchase your customized self-care box on the Evolve Wellness website.

Lifestyle, Stories

Broken Pieces

January 18, 2021 No Comments

The wound is the place where the light enters you.
-Rumi

The first thing we were taught when we were young,
Was that each person is unique and special.
We are all different,
But our differences are what make the world bright and interesting.
On the playground, we distinguished each other by the games we liked to play,
Whether it was kickball or playing with dolls.
We did not care about gender or skin color.
We were too young to know about sexual orientation.
Our political knowledge only extended to knowing a mighty president existed,
And ruled over our great country.
Religion did not arise in conversation.
We cared only about ribbons and bows,
Four leaf clovers and the grass between our toes. 

At what point did we begin to notice the variations in the color of skin?
When did we begin to believe it was strange to love someone like us,
Or that differences in our beliefs should divide us?
When did the bullying begin,
The blatant disregard for other’s feelings,
The cruel empowerment of a few to believe others are below them?
When did boys pulling pigtails become men unbuttoning blouses?
When did girls start painting their eyes and telling lies?
When did they begin to dwindle away or expand before our eyes,
As food became an escape or an enemy?
When did other’s expectations begin to weigh on our minds,
And cause life itself to feel heavy and wearisome?  

As our lives crumbled, we would swear we were fine.
Meanwhile scars began to appear on arms,
Alcohol burned down throats,
And love became only a word instead of comforting arms.
We compared ourselves to one another,
In competitions where no one won,
And we judged one another for trivial things,
Things far more trivial than the games we played on the playground.
We judged each other for skin color, for love, for basic human beliefs,
We judged each other for our capabilities, our appearance, our family income,
We judged each other because we couldn’t face the judgment 
That we inflicted upon ourselves,
And we finally created a world where no one felt at home,
No one felt they measured up,
And all of us were desperately looking for love,
Normally in all the wrong places. 

Somewhere along the way,
During this collection of experiences called “life,"
We forgot how to love each other,
And so, in turn, forgot how to love ourselves. 

I don’t know how to fix what it feels like we broke,
But it probably starts with us,
Each of us, individually,
Accepting one another for who we are,
And then, in turn, accepting ourselves.
It probably begins with loving others without constrains or expectations,
And therefore loving ourselves the same way.
It probably starts with extending words of kindness to those around us,
And so then also speaking those kind words to ourselves.
It probably starts small, with a hopeful outlook towards a brighter tomorrow,
And then working every day towards that goal. 

I’m not sure if we will ever fix what we broke,
Here on earth, where we have been pushing boundaries until they snapped 
Since the moment we arrived,
But maybe, if we focus on just that,
How it took all of us,
All of us brilliantly unique individuals,
All of us hurting, broken, lovely humans,
All of us to destroy what we were given,
Then maybe, just maybe,
We can rebuild something beautiful together. 

For beauty comes, not from the absence of brokenness,
But from the light that is able to shine through,
When we put our broken pieces together again.

Lifestyle, My Life

3 simple ways to love yourself better every day

September 4, 2020 No Comments

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product after clicking the associated link, I will gain a small commission off of that purchase.

I know self-care is one of the most important things I can do to make sure I am functioning at my best, but somehow, I just never seem to have time to fit it in.

Every day, my schedule fills up with work, errands, and other chores. By the time I get home, I am ready to just crawl into bed. And some days, I don’t even give myself the luxury of a good night’s rest – often, I am up late, working on a blog post, finishing an assignment for work, or taking a look at my weekly budget.

As important as self-care is, it always seems to be something I struggle with. The idea of taking a relaxing bubble bath or just sitting for an hour to read a book seems to be too difficult to fit into my day.

I know I am not alone in this. So many of us are rushing from one task to the next – it’s hard to take a step back and notice how we feel. It’s even harder to actually listen to and give our bodies what they need in that moment.

So, to give us all some much-needed help, I have listed below three simple things you can do every day to love yourself better. It takes some practice, but incorporating these three actions into your day every day can help you to be better in tune with what your body needs, and to actually meet those needs during your day. They aren’t time-consuming tasks, but they make a big difference in your quality of life. And when you are feeling good, you are better able to help the other people in your life feel good, too.

1. Do a mental check-in when you wake up

Resist checking your phone first thing in the morning and take the first 30 seconds of your day to do a check-in with your body. How are you feeling, physically, mentally and spiritually?

Ask yourself: How does your body feel? Are you well rested? What emotions are you feeling? Do you feel grounded, or do you feel disconnected from the world around you?

Based on these and other questions you may ask yourself, take note of how you are feeling, and then move on to the next task.

2. Schedule in 30 minutes to take care of yourself, mentally, physically or spiritually

Based on the results of your mental check-in, schedule in some time to take care of any needs you may have. If you are feeling tired, consider scheduling in a 30-minute nap. If your body feels stiff, maybe schedule in a 30-minute yoga session. If you are feeling sad, take some time to do something you enjoy, such as reading, dancing, or singing at the top of your lungs. If you feel like you need to ground yourself, spend some time reading scripture or repeating self-affirmations to yourself. Do whatever works for you.

Thirty minutes is not a lot of time, but it really makes a difference. Taking just this small amount of time for yourself makes sure that your most present need for the day is met.

Schedule in this time on your calendar. If it helps, make it the same time block every day, but change the activity daily based on what you need. You can do your self-care activity first thing in the morning, during your lunch hour at work, or right before you go to sleep at night. Once the task is on your to-do list, it is more likely to get done.

3. Write down 3 things you are grateful for before you go to sleep

End your day with a moment of gratitude. Write down three things you are grateful for that happened that day. This is a great practice to help you remember all of the blessings in your life, rather than focusing on the negatives. Writing down what you are grateful for will not only help you to have a more positive mindset (and positive energy helps attract a more positive life). It also helps to make sure you go to bed thinking about positive things instead of letting your mind wander to everything that is currently stressful in your life. A good night’s rest is a key part of self-care, and it’s easier to achieve that if your head is thinking happy thoughts when it hits the pillow.

Self-care is a very personal journey, and it looks different for everyone. The three practices listed above are simply meant to guide you in your own journey. Always remember to be gentle with yourself – if there are days these tasks don’t happen, simply cross them off your to-do list and promise to take better care of yourself tomorrow. Always give yourself the same love and grace you would extend to others.

What are your favorite ways to show yourself love? Leave a comment below to help spread the inspiration and positivity.

Lifestyle, My Life

I called a meeting with my body…

August 25, 2020 No Comments

I called a meeting with my body.

“Everybody out,” I yelled.

My nails slipped off my fingertips as blood dripped to the ground. My hair cascaded down my back to the floor. My eyelashes drooped and then fell. My lips parted, and my teeth toppled out. And then followed all the parts of me hiding inside: My pounding heart and tired lungs, my inept stomach and intestines, my small liver and kidney, and a number of other forgotten, unidentified parts of me plummeted to the ground.

“We need to discuss something important,” I told them. “I am not pleased at how my body is running. We are not working together as a team. We are not doing the best we can. Every day we are failing to meet the standards that have been set.”

“Whose standards,” a tooth piped up.

“It doesn’t matter whose standards,” I spat back.

“Why isn’t the brain here,” the stomach asked. I paused for a moment, surprised. Until now, I had not realized that the brain had neglected to join us.

“Well, I guess because the brain is the one who convinced me to call the meeting,” I said. “The brain is the one who told me that something is wrong.”

“But the brain is part of the problem,” said the heart. “Every day we all work so hard. We labor day and night to make this body function. It’s difficult, but we strive to do our very best. But even after all of that, the brain looks down its nose at us and says that it isn’t good enough – that we are worthless, incompetent and insignificant. The brain tells us that we will never measure up to the other bodies, even though we work just as much, if not more, most days.”

I looked down at my body in shock. There they were lined up, my capable teeth, my delicate but beautiful hair, my strong heart and my powerful lungs; there they all were, hard-working members of my body that had faced so many challenges without ever balking or giving up.

But I could see they were tired. The brain had been working them nonstop. It never let them rest. It always pushed them a little further; it always made them face challenges that were far beyond what most bodies were capable of. And even when the body succeeded, the brain told them that they had not done enough, been enough, were enough. It made the body feel worthless and incapable. It made the body feel as though it could never measure up, even though it was still working, still facing innumerable challenges and beating the odds every day.

The body was not the problem. The problem was me.

Evolve, Health, Lifestyle, My Life

A calendar for Self-Care September

August 23, 2020 3 Comments

Self-care is always essential, but now it seems even more important than ever. Stresses from back-to-school season, the election, and the looming holidays, all amid a global pandemic, are enough to make anyone feel tense.

Taking care of yourself is an important first step in making sure you can handle the stresses of daily life and still be able to give to others. Self-care is not selfish. It’s a way to make sure your needs are taken care of, so you are able to give more during your daily life.

Self-care looks different for everyone. For some of us, it’s taking hot bubble baths, reading books, or sipping a mug of hot tea. For others, it’s making time to visit with friends and family. And for some people, it’s making time to meal prep, write budgets, and create nightly routines that promote a good night’s rest. What’s important is not what the activity is, but rather that it helps you feel rejuvenated, relaxed, and ready to tackle your next life challenge.

If you aren’t sure what works best for you, check out the free printable below! You can use it simply as inspiration, or follow it for a new, self-care activity each day.

september-self-care-calendar Download

Happy Self-Care September everyone!

Travel

Colorado road trip: Day 15

July 8, 2020 No Comments

I did not realize how clean and refreshing the air in Colorado was until I woke up this morning in a hot, sweaty car, condensation dripping down the windows in the muggy Kansas morning air. I was covered in bug bites thanks to the mosquito that decided to sleep with me last night. I longed so much to return to the mountains of Colorado, but this was the morning of our second day driving back to Maryland.

Joseph and I started the day with a 5K run around the lake we slept next to. The humidity we had forgotten was heavy in our lungs. We were dripping in sweat only a mile into the run. Nevertheless, we pushed through, and at the end we rewarded ourselves with an unconventional bath in the lake. Joseph had the smart idea of placing our soap and loofah in one of our plastic food containers; it served as a makeshift bath caddy that floated in the water next to us.

The water actually felt refreshing after our run. I was reluctant to get out, but we had a long day of driving ahead of us. Our hope was to make it to Columbus, Ohio, which was eleven hours away. To do this, we would also be crossing over a time zone line, which meant we were going to lose an hour of daylight. But, we were determined to get as close to Maryland as possible so we had less driving tomorrow. Our main motivation for this was to pick up my engagement ring. Our route home is supposed to take us through the town the store is in, but if we don’t get there by six o’clock tomorrow evening, we won’t have a chance to pick it up for at least another week.

We began the drive, both tired from the previous long day of traveling. For much of the morning and afternoon, we were quiet. We listened to podcasts and music, and we tried to relax as much as we could while our backs ached from sitting for so long.

Near the end of the afternoon, we decided to listen to a podcast about my enneagram. The enneagram is a personality test that Joseph and I were interested in at the beginning of this trip. We both figured out which enneagram we are (I am a two and Joseph is a three), but after that, Joseph did much more soul-searching and discovering than I did. A week ago, he mentioned a podcast he wanted to listen to with me about my own personality, but I had put it off until today.

It was illuminating. I feel like I have not understood myself until this moment in my life. Everything about my actions, my motivations, and my thoughts actually makes sense now. The thing that characterizes twos is their desire to give and receive love, which is so strong that it can be achieved in unhealthy ways, such as neglecting self-care and manipulating others. The way to solve this is to make time for taking care of one’s own needs, which then gives the two enough energy to give more love to others without expecting anything in return.

As I have mentioned a few times, I have been struggling with my health for the past year. One of the main reasons for this is because I let it get so much worse than it needed to before finally dealing with it. I thought it was selfish to spend the time and money to take care of myself, as well as to express any needs I had to others. However, because of this, I felt so unfulfilled in the last year because I did not have any energy to engage in the normal service and giving that I am used to doing. I always felt like I was not doing enough for others, which only fueled my disappointment in myself. This, in turn, demotivated me even more to take care of myself.

It has been a vicious cycle, but I am learning now that it is important to love myself in order to love others well. It is the message I have been trying to grasp onto in the last year, but I think now I finally understand it.

The most important thing that I have to remember is this: While loving relationships are important, God is my source of love and care. He gives me everything I need. He loves me unconditionally. I do not need love from others to fill my cup; He is what sustains me. He delights in me and who I am because He created me. And He wants me to rest when I need to and to take care of myself so that I am able to do the work He has created me for.

I was honestly disappointed about the idea of going home after such an amazing trip, but having this knowledge fills me with such excitement about my future. I think something finally clicked into place, and now I feel like myself again.

After learning more about my enneagram, Joseph and I talked more deeply about each of our personalities. I find it interesting how we approach so much of life similarly, yet for such different motivations. It is important to me to serve others, both because I am filled by loving others and because I have an intrinsic belief that this is how I will receive love (which is not necessarily true). Joseph wants to serve others because he believes that is the ultimate way to live, and he is motivated by his desire for personal achievement and to not disappoint others or himself. On the outside, it looks as if we are doing the same thing, but on the inside, we have two very different internal battles taking place.

One of the most important things for any relationship is communication. The fact that we know about each others’ personalities, motivations, and thought processes helps us to have better empathy and compassion for each other. I feel that this trip has helped us both understand one another on such a deeper level, and I am excited to see what impact that will have on our future together.

Joseph and I stopped for dinner at a rest stop. We watched the sunset, feeling content and satisfied. This trip has been an amazing journey for so many reasons. We have learned more about ourselves, each other, and who we are together.

Based on what I have discovered, I could not be more enthusiastic and hopeful about our future together.

P.S. There will be more to come on the enneagram soon, and a little challenge for you! Check out the blog next week for my journey deeper into self-discovery and, hopefully, actualization.

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