10 self-care tips for the mind, body & soul

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Hello all, I am Shayla from thedailyshayla.com and I’m so happy to be collaborating with Tyler! We both decided to share our top 5 ways to practice self-care, so when you’re done here, please be sure to check out her 5 over on my blog!

Ahh, stress! We all know what it feels like to be stressed, right? Exhaustion and the feeling of being overwhelmed are things we all go through in our day-to-day lives. I for one am no stranger to the many stresses of life and it is so important that I find ways to reduce those feelings and practice some self-care for my mind body and soul. And you should be doing the same!

Self-care literally means to take care of yourself and should be a regular habit in your daily routine. Whether it’s a cup of tea in the morning or a full on pamper session to release your worries; finding something that you enjoy and something that will take your mind off things is vital every once in a while!  

Here are my top 5 ways to practice self-care:

1. Start Your Day Off with Some “Me Time”

Photo by Timothy Barlin on Unsplash

Whether it be reading a book with a cup of coffee or squeezing in something you truly enjoy, starting your day by focusing on yourself can feel extremely gratifying. Especially as a parent, my entire day is focused around my daughter- so those few hours in the morning before she wakes are absolutely magical.

2. Get Your Fit On

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

f you know me or have read my blog, you’ll know that fitness is my no.1 form of self care. Getting up and keeping active is a brilliant way to care for the mind, body and soul! Now, I don’t necessarily mean you should intensely workout for an hour or more; but for some, just a simple walk in the park may be all you need to release those endorphins.

Ways I love staying active are:

Dancing the Night Away

Blast some of your favourite tunes and dance like nobody’s watching! This is such a fun way to block everything negative out and let those positive vibrations in. You are able to really enter your own world and perform like a superstar. A Serotonin boost for sure!

Simple Stretches

Doing some simple stretches after you wake up or before you go to sleep is a great way to get your blood flowing. It also benefits your body by relaxing your muscles and increasing your flexibility.

Walk & Talk

Going for an evening stroll whilst talking to a friend can be very enjoyable. Catching up with someone will relieve so much stress and add some positivity to your day. Before you know it, you’ve done several laps around the park all whilst gossiping to your heart’s content.

3. Have a Pamper Day/Night

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

When I say this, I mean the whole shebang! Free up some hours during the day, or at night and use them to really pamper yourself.

This may include:

  1. A skincare routine
  2. Enjoying a cocktail or a glass of wine
  3. Painting your nails
  4. Watching a movie
  5. Having a relaxing bath

Then finish it all off with an early bed-time to give your body the rest it needs. You really can’t go wrong with that!

4. Minimise Your Schedule

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Production on Unsplash

Minimising your schedule may be just what you need to minimise excessive stress. We often get overwhelmed and flustered when we have a lot to do- eventually leading to not doing anything at all. Some days, I opt not to work-out or even take breaks from completing blog activities, just to give my mind a rest and allow myself to recuperate.

It’s so important to take time out for you and to listen to your mind and body when it becomes engulfed in tasks. Also, learn to say “no” to things if your ‘plate’ is overloaded- it is okay to be selfish when it is needed.

5. Journal Your Thoughts & Plans

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Whatever is on your mind, jot it down on some paper, everything will be easier to process then. Or even better, start a journal! Spill out your thoughts on the past, present and future and lift some of that weight off your mind.
One of my favourite things to write in my journal are several to-do lists; as I know my future self will thank me for it later! It can be fun just to plan your days ahead of time and fully clear-out your mind.

You see!? It’s as simple as that- even the smallest of things can be beneficial towards your mental health! Taking some time out to breathe and recalibrate may be just what you need when life becomes a little too much. These are just the things I like to do, but what are your favourite ways to practice self-care? Let us know in the comments below!

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Grove Collaborative review: The easiest way to live an eco-friendly life

Grove Collaborative Unboxing Video

Read to the bottom of this article to learn about a special FREE gift just for you!

Happy Earth Day!

For some time, I have wanted to switch to more natural products & sustainable living practices. I made a few changes here & there, but I struggled with finding ways to reduce my waste or carbon footprint that weren’t unbelievably inconvenient. And many of the natural products that I encountered were far too pricey for my young adult budget. I knew switching to natural products was good for the environment & myself, but I thought it would have to be something that I did when I was more established with a full-time job & benefits.

Grove Collaborative changed everything. Grove is a natural home & personal care brand that delivers everything you need for a sustainable, healthy home right to your door. All of the products are made with natural ingredients that are healthy for you & the environment, & they all help reduce household waste. Additionally, Grove carbon offsets every delivery, & every purchase benefits the Arbor Day Foundation, which plants trees to help solve a number of the world’s problems today, including air & water quality, climate change, deforestation, & hunger.

Grove is a monthly subscription, but you can skip months & edit your cart to include the products you want, so it’s honestly a great way to get the products you want, when you want or need them. You can customize the process every step of the way.

My future sister-in-law (but already sister-at-heart) Joanna introduced me to Grove just after I moved into my new house. She was already a subscriber, & she recommended it to me when I mentioned that I wanted to switch to more sustainable products. After checking out the app, I knew immediately that it was something I was interested in, & I purchased my first box the same day.

Get your first box FREE by clicking here

I could not be more pleased with my first Grove delivery. My box contained silicone straws, reusable bags, walnut & cellulose sponges, bamboo tissues, a glass spray bottle, a glass soap dispenser, toilet bowl cleaner, moisturizing hand sanitizer, dishwasher detergent packs, gel hand soap, glass cleaner concentrate, toilet spray, three reusable cotton face masks, compostable cleaning wipes, & bamboo toilet paper. Now that I have had the chance to try out all of these products, I am happy to report they are all up to my cleanliness standards, & I am quite sure I am going to be a Grove subscriber for life.

The silicone straws are a cute, turquoise blue color, so now I can sip my summer drinks in style. They are durable, & the pack of four straws comes with a bottle brush to help keep them clean.

The reusable bags are adorable. I purchased a set of two, one large & one small, that had a lemon design to match my kitchen (which is tones of blue & green with lemon yellow accents). The bags are air-tight & keep my snacks fresh, & they are easy to clean as well. All you have to do is rinse them out with soap & water & let them dry.

Seedling Tissues by Grove on my coffee table

The walnut & cellulose sponge is another great product. The sponge scrubs as hard as I want it to, but it’s still gentle on my pots & pans & it’s durable, too. It’s made from plant cellulose & walnuts, so when the time does come to throw it away, it will naturally break down (no more plastic sponges sitting in landfills).

The bamboo tissues are one of my favorite products in this box. The tissues are thick & soft, which feels great on my irritated nose during allergy season. They are made from sustainable bamboo instead of trees, so there’s less deforestation. The bamboo toilet paper is made the same way, and, this may be too much information but to be perfectly honest, my butt has never felt more pampered. The toilet paper is three-ply, which I wasn’t aware that I needed but now that I’ve had it, I don’t think I can ever go back. It’s soft & thick, which means it feels good & I need less toilet paper per toilet visit. This means that, despite it maybe being a little more expensive than your average roll, it lasts longer, which I think makes up for the price.

I wish I had been using the moisturizing hand sanitizer all winter. It has a lovely scent, & it feels so good on my dry hands. After lathering up with hand sanitizer regularly for over a year now, I needed this product. It is my new best friend whenever I leave the house.

And speaking of COVID-19, the three reusable, cotton face masks I received are some of the most comfortable face masks I have ever had! They fit perfectly, which is something no face mask has done yet, & they are super cute. I love the striped yellow & white one – it perfectly fits my vibe. And the two green & blue toned masks match so many outfits. And they aren’t just fashionable! The masks have three layers, and the inner layer is anti-microbial, making it a great choice to stay safe during this pandemic.

Me & my new reusable face masks from Grove

One thing I often hear about natural cleaning products is that they aren’t as effective as the ones made with harsh chemicals. Until trying Grove, I actually believed this, but I am happy to report that this is a myth. The dishwasher detergent packs gave me sparkling clean dishes – I honestly think they look better than when I use my normal dish detergent. The glass cleaner concentrate worked wonders on my smudgy windows, & the toilet bowl cleaner got everything clean with minimal effort. And the compostable cleaning wipes are the first product yet that has gotten my counters as clean as I want them. I cannot wait to try more cleaning products from Grove.

Speaking of toilets, the toilet spray was also quite pleasant. I have used Poo-Pourri before, & I thought this had just as nice of a scent, albeit not as strong. So, if you’re looking for a more mild scent (Poo-Pourri has a very strong scent – it’s for the bigger poos), this toilet spray is a great choice.

The lavender & thyme hand soap smells so lovely, but it’s not over-powering or super feminine like a lot of nice smelling soaps are. Even Joseph liked it, & we almost never agree on a soap scent (he even put up his own soap dispenser in the bathroom because he can’t stand the lemon soap I have in there). My hands also feel squeaky clean after using this soap, which means it gets an A+ grade from me. The glass soap dispenser & spray bottle are both a simple but fashionable design that will match any decor, & they both have a durability to them that makes me believe they are going to last for a while.

Me & my new lavender & thyme hand soap from Grove

If you’ve been looking for a way to switch to natural cleaning products, reduce waste, live in a healthier environment, or just to live a little more sustainably, Grove is a great choice. The chemicals that are harsh for the environment are bad for our bodies as well. Grove makes it easy to make your home a healthy environment, for you & the earth.

Do you want to try Grove without the commitment? I have a great surprise for you. Use this link to try your first Grove box for FREE! If you don’t like it, you can cancel your subscription at any time (but if you enjoy lovely smelling cleaning & beauty products that are good for you & the environment, you’re going to love it).

Switching to sustainable living can seem overwhelming, but small changes, like using natural cleaning products or drinking from reusable water bottles, make an impact. It might not seem like much, but if we all do it, those small changes add up to having a big impact on our earth’s health.

We only have two places to live: Our bodies & our world. Appreciate them, love them, & take care of them.

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10 seasonal ways to practice self-care this spring

Note: This post does contain affiliate links. If you buy a product after clicking a link, I may earn a commission off of that purchase.

Self-care is important any time of year, but spring is the perfect season to take a little extra time for yourself. While the world is waking from its slumber & committing itself to new growth once again, you can do the same

Spending some time to engage in self-care looks different for everyone. It’s important to match the type of self-care you use with what is actually beneficial & meaningful to you. A bubble bath can be a great way to relax, but if you don’t have a comfortable place to soak, your muscles don’t need to relax, or, even worse, if you don’t even like soaking in baths, this may not be the best way to engage in self-care for you. I find it interesting when people force themselves to do self-care, & they choose an activity that they don’t enjoy & get it done like just any other task on their to-do list. Self-care should be something that you need & that brings relief & relaxation to your life in some way. This means that sometimes it is indulgent, like eating chocolate or bingeing on your favorite Netflix show, but sometimes its actually less glamorous, like cleaning out your closet or spending a day getting all the things done that never make it onto your to-do list. No matter what, at the end of your activity, you should feel some sort of relief & feel better about your current state in life.

With that being said, I love to theme my activities to the season I am in, personally & in the world. Spring is a perfect time for self-care because there are so many things you can do! Listed below are 10 ways you can engage in self-care this spring. As stated above, make sure you choose one that is meaningful to you, & enjoy your self-care time! You deserve it.

1. Go for a walk

Me walking on some railroad tracks in Missouri

The weather has finally gotten warmer, which means it is the perfect time to go for a relaxed walk outdoors & enjoy some fresh air. If you are looking to get your heart & adrenaline pumping a little more, go for a run or bike ride. The clean air & physical activity are good for your mental & physical health.

2. Do some spring cleaning

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

The time for spring cleaning is here, but this doesn’t have to be treated like just another annoying task you have to complete. Making your environment clean & orderly is beneficial for your mental health. A cluttered space encourages a cluttered mind. Take some time to purge your house of things you no longer need, & then take some time to clean up & maybe even decorate your environment in a new way that brings you joy, not just for the day, but for months to come. 

3. Make a healthy meal with ingredients from the farmer’s market

Me & Joseph buying ingredients from the farmer’s market the day he proposed

Healthy food nourishes our body & helps us feel our best. Why not support a local farmer’s market & take some time for yourself by making a gourmet meal with all fresh ingredients? It’s a fun activity, & a healthy way to take to nourish your body.

4. Plan a day-trip

Joseph & me on Strasburg Rail Road in Pennsylvania during our day trip – watch Joseph’s vlog about the trip here

Now that the weather is warmer, it is the perfect time to go for a trip. Plan your itinerary for little getaway in your local tourist spot, or make it more spontaneous & just walk around the area to see what attracts you most. You can do it alone for some quality time with you, or go with your family or a friend for some much-needed social time. 

5. Start a new skincare routine

Me using my new Aceology ice globe facial massagers from my Be Kind by Ellen spring subscription box

If you’re anything like me, your skin is feeling a little dry & pale after a long, cold winter. Try out a new skincare routine to help moisturize your cracked skin & give it a fresh glow for the new season.

6. Plant a garden

My brother, Jake, & me collecting the produce from our garden my junior year of high school

It’s good for you, & its good for the environment, too. Spend some time getting in some physical activity by planting a garden, & then reap the benefits for months to come with the fresh, healthy & delicious produce you harvest. Or, plant a flower garden & let the bright colors & lovely scents bring you joy every day. 

7. Buy yourself flowers

The beautiful yellow roses Joseph gave me for Valentine’s Day

If you aren’t into gardening, bring spring into your home by buying yourself some fresh flowers. Put them in a lovely vase on your table or wherever you will see them to brighten your space. A little touch of spring indoors is a great way to celebrate the season & show yourself some love.

8. Diffuse spring-themed essential oils

Photo by Jaron Whelan on Unsplash

Bring the lovely smells of spring into your home by diffusing spring-themed essential oils, such as lemongrass, lavender, eucalyptus, & citrus scents like lemon & tangerine. Diffusing essential oils can help reduce stress, & different essential oils have additional benefits, such as using lavender to help reduce insomnia or peppermint to relieve headaches.

9. Make a batch of fruit-infused water

Photo by Julia Zolotova on Unsplash

Fresh fruits are in abundance, which means it’s the perfect time to make fruit-infused water. If you are terrible at drinking your daily intake of water, or if you just want to switch up the flavor a little bit, try chopping up fresh fruit & putting it in a pitcher of water to infuse. It is a delicious way to hydrate our bodies, which helps our body systems to work as they are supposed to, as well as brightens our skin, gives us more energy, & improves our mood.

10. Start a new hobby

My new favorite crafting hobby is paper crafts with Washi Tape! This is the valentine I made Joseph this year

Spring is the time of new beginnings, so why not try something new? If you want to do something healthy for your body, try a new exercise routine or start cooking more healthy meals at home. If you’re just looking to engage your mind in a new way, why not try a new craft or start doing crossword puzzles. Whatever appeals to you or whatever you have been wanting to try, this is the perfect time to start doing it.


I hope you found a new self-care activity that excites you. Try to give yourself a little time each day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to give yourself a little extra love & care. Your body, mind & soul will thank you.

What’s your favorite way to engage in self-care? Leave me a comment below!

Do you need a little more inspiration? Download my free printable self-care calendar for April! It has a different activity idea for every day, making it the perfect way to remind you to spend some time for yourself daily, as well as try out different self-care activities if you’re not sure what you like best. It helps when we support each other, even with self-care, so stay tuned to my social media next month for my own journey with self-care, using this calendar & article for inspiration.

P.S. Self-care shouldn’t feel like work. Why not get it delivered to your doorstep every month? The Sunshine Box is a personalized self-care subscription box that is filled with items picked out just for you! It’s the perfect way to show yourself a little extra love each month. Learn more & subscribe here.

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My yoga journey: The powerful lessons I learned on my mat

Me in Lotus Pose – Photo by Joseph Mauler

Note: This post does contain affiliate links. If you buy a product after clicking a link, I may earn a commission off of that purchase.

“Yoga is not about touching your toes. It is what you learn on the way down.”

Jigar Gor

Yoga, for me, has always been a place of learning. On the mat, I learn more about myself than I discover in most other places in my life. I learn of my strength, my will, and my perseverance. I learn about my abilities, my draw to flexibility (both in my life & on the mat), & my limitations. Most importantly, I learn more about who I am, & I learn to love that person more.

Yoga was not always a part of my life. I was not a flexible child. I could not touch my toes if I wanted to. And for a long time, as ironic as it may seem given my current profession as a holistic health practitioner and personal trainer, exercise was not something I normally engaged in nor enjoyed. 

However, when I was 13 years old, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. This diagnosis came after months of widespread pain in my body to the point that it was difficult to get out of bed in the mornings. I was told then that yoga could help me, both in managing my physical pain & in managing my stress, which would, in turn, decrease the amount of pain I experienced.

At first, I was skeptical. Not only was I uninterested in yoga, but I had no confidence that I could do it. As many of my first-time students think, I thought I had to be flexible to do yoga. It never occurred to me that I had it the wrong way – I didn’t need to be flexible to do yoga; yoga would help me to become flexible. 

Me doing yoga on the beach in South Carolina – Photo by Kristina Stout

And it helped me with that in more ways than one. When I finally rolled out the mat & slipped back into Downward Dog, I found that yoga was not just for the body; it is for the mind as well.

The yogic lifestyle began to drip into other parts of my life. As someone who was always easily stressed & angered, someone who lived by a rigid & unyielding schedule fueled by anxiety, yoga taught me patience & flexibility. When challenges came my way, I used the strength yoga had taught me as I held Plank Pose for minutes on end. When negative situations threatened my joy, I learned to flip them around & look at them differently, just as I viewed the world from Plow Pose with my feet sitting behind my head & my shoulders supporting my body instead. I learned to meditate on worries when needed, & to let meditation sweep the worries away when they no longer needed to concern my mind. And at the end of my practice, as I laid back during Savasana, I learned that it isn’t necessarily the work, but actually the rest & relaxation that can be the most important part of my life. 

Yoga carried me through some of the most difficult moments in my life. It became a regular part of my daily routine. And I always felt better, mentally, physically & spiritually, when I stepped off my mat versus when I had stepped on. 

As I got older, I discovered I wanted to share this joy with others, & so I was professionally trained in the art & began teaching my own classes. There is nothing more fulfilling to me than watching a student come into my class, their body held tight with stress, their mind clearly clouded with overwhelming thoughts, & then to watch them leave with a serene expression, their body loose & mind at ease. Through teaching yoga, I learned another important lesson – my life is meant for so much more than my own experiences. I was given a life to give to others. 

Me teaching yoga at Stevenson University – Photo by Dannielle Decastro

Yoga is still teaching me every day. I have a stubborn mind, & I often have to be taught the same lessons again, but Yoga is patient with me, & it continues to teach me to have patience with myself. Yoga has helped me to love the body I have been given, to explore the depths of my mind & spirituality, to believe in my own abilities, & to have grace for myself when I fall. Even though I am a yoga teacher, I still often feel like I am the student in my practice, & this, too, has taught me an important lesson: humility, & in turn, compassion & empathy for others. 

Yoga is a journey, filled with ups & downs, back-bending difficulties & relaxing tests of patience & flexibility. But, if you are willing to embark upon it, I promise you will discover so much more than you ever knew about the most important subject you have to learn about in this life: Your self. 

Namaste.

P.S. I am currently competing to be the Yoga Warrior of 2021! Voting opens March 9. I would be so very appreciative if you would consider voting for me. You can place your vote here.

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3 simple ways to love yourself better every day

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product after clicking the associated link, I will gain a small commission off of that purchase.

I know self-care is one of the most important things I can do to make sure I am functioning at my best, but somehow, I just never seem to have time to fit it in.

Every day, my schedule fills up with work, errands, and other chores. By the time I get home, I am ready to just crawl into bed. And some days, I don’t even give myself the luxury of a good night’s rest – often, I am up late, working on a blog post, finishing an assignment for work, or taking a look at my weekly budget.

As important as self-care is, it always seems to be something I struggle with. The idea of taking a relaxing bubble bath or just sitting for an hour to read a book seems to be too difficult to fit into my day. 

I know I am not alone in this. So many of us are rushing from one task to the next – it’s hard to take a step back and notice how we feel. It’s even harder to actually listen to and give our bodies what they need in that moment.

So, to give us all some much-needed help, I have listed below three simple things you can do every day to love yourself better. It takes some practice, but incorporating these three actions into your day every day can help you to be better in tune with what your body needs, and to actually meet those needs during your day. They aren’t time-consuming tasks, but they make a big difference in your quality of life. And when you are feeling good, you are better able to help the other people in your life feel good, too.

1. Do a mental check-in when you wake up

Resist checking your phone first thing in the morning and take the first 30 seconds of your day to do a check-in with your body. How are you feeling, physically, mentally and spiritually? 

Ask yourself: How does your body feel? Are you well rested? What emotions are you feeling? Do you feel grounded, or do you feel disconnected from the world around you? 

Based on these and other questions you may ask yourself, take note of how you are feeling, and then move on to the next task.

2. Schedule in 30 minutes to take care of yourself, mentally, physically or spiritually

Based on the results of your mental check-in, schedule in some time to take care of any needs you may have. If you are feeling tired, consider scheduling in a 30-minute nap. If your body feels stiff, maybe schedule in a 30-minute yoga session. If you are feeling sad, take some time to do something you enjoy, such as reading, dancing, or singing at the top of your lungs. If you feel like you need to ground yourself, spend some time reading scripture or repeating self-affirmations to yourself. Do whatever works for you. 

Thirty minutes is not a lot of time, but it really makes a difference. Taking just this small amount of time for yourself makes sure that your most present need for the day is met. 

Schedule in this time on your calendar. If it helps, make it the same time block every day, but change the activity daily based on what you need. You can do your self-care activity first thing in the morning, during your lunch hour at work, or right before you go to sleep at night. Once the task is on your to-do list, it is more likely to get done.

3. Write down 3 things you are grateful for before you go to sleep

End your day with a moment of gratitude. Write down three things you are grateful for that happened that day. This is a great practice to help you remember all of the blessings in your life, rather than focusing on the negatives. Writing down what you are grateful for will not only help you to have a more positive mindset (and positive energy helps attract a more positive life). It also helps to make sure you go to bed thinking about positive things instead of letting your mind wander to everything that is currently stressful in your life. A good night’s rest is a key part of self-care, and it’s easier to achieve that if your head is thinking happy thoughts when it hits the pillow.

Self-care is a very personal journey, and it looks different for everyone. The three practices listed above are simply meant to guide you in your own journey. Always remember to be gentle with yourself – if there are days these tasks don’t happen, simply cross them off your to-do list and promise to take better care of yourself tomorrow. Always give yourself the same love and grace you would extend to others.

What are your favorite ways to show yourself love? Leave a comment below to help spread the inspiration and positivity. 

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I called a meeting with my body…

I called a meeting with my body.

“Everybody out,” I yelled.

My nails slipped off my fingertips as blood dripped to the ground. My hair cascaded down my back to the floor. My eyelashes drooped and then fell. My lips parted, and my teeth toppled out. And then followed all the parts of me hiding inside: My pounding heart and tired lungs, my inept stomach and intestines, my small liver and kidney, and a number of other forgotten, unidentified parts of me plummeted to the ground.

“We need to discuss something important,” I told them. “I am not pleased at how my body is running. We are not working together as a team. We are not doing the best we can. Every day we are failing to meet the standards that have been set.”

“Whose standards,” a tooth piped up.

“It doesn’t matter whose standards,” I spat back.

“Why isn’t the brain here,” the stomach asked. I paused for a moment, surprised. Until now, I had not realized that the brain had neglected to join us.

“Well, I guess because the brain is the one who convinced me to call the meeting,” I said. “The brain is the one who told me that something is wrong.”

“But the brain is part of the problem,” said the heart. “Every day we all work so hard. We labor day and night to make this body function. It’s difficult, but we strive to do our very best. But even after all of that, the brain looks down its nose at us and says that it isn’t good enough – that we are worthless, incompetent and insignificant. The brain tells us that we will never measure up to the other bodies, even though we work just as much, if not more, most days.”

I looked down at my body in shock. There they were lined up, my capable teeth, my delicate but beautiful hair, my strong heart and my powerful lungs; there they all were, hard-working members of my body that had faced so many challenges without ever balking or giving up.

But I could see they were tired. The brain had been working them nonstop. It never let them rest. It always pushed them a little further; it always made them face challenges that were far beyond what most bodies were capable of. And even when the body succeeded, the brain told them that they had not done enough, been enough, were enough. It made the body feel worthless and incapable. It made the body feel as though it could never measure up, even though it was still working, still facing innumerable challenges and beating the odds every day.

The body was not the problem. The problem was me.

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