When you are traveling with a group, it is inevitable you will run into different opinions about what to do. And when you only have one vehicle, things can get even more complicated.
On the first morning with no plans for our trip, everyone had different ideas of what to do. My brother, Jake, & his fiancé, Jess, wanted to go horseback riding or rock climbing. Joseph & I wanted to go hiking. And my mother, the practical one, wanted to go grocery shopping.
Because my mother’s activity of choice was the most essential, she won the use of our sole vehicle. The rest of us waited at the Airbnb, talking about what to do next. We looked up horseback riding & decided a sunset ride a few days from then would be best, so that left a decision between hiking & rock climbing. Jake & Jess decided to drive with us to our hiking spot of choice, where there were plenty of small mountains to climb.
We left after 10am, far later than I had wanted. The sun was high in the sky by this point & beat down on our heads as we set off on the trail. Within minutes, I could feel my skin starting to burn & regretted not bringing sunscreen.
Joseph on the Verrado Petroglyphs trail
Despite the late hour, the trail was a lot of fun. My dad accompanied Joseph & I on our hike, & we passed the two hours chatting & pointing at sightings of wildlife as we trekked up the trail. We spotted a family of deer stepping lightly around the cacti that littered the ground, & my dad pointed to an empty spot of trail at one point that, a moment before, a road runner had scuttled across.
We climbed up a few rocks of our own to see the view, which, while brown & tawny, was spectacular. Now a few miles into our hike, we were completely surrounded by mountains & tall saguaros that showed us just how magnificent you can grow to be when you are willing to adapt to your environment.
We had chosen the Verrado Petroglyphs trail to see the ancient cave drawings carved into the rock. Unfortunately, all we caught was a small glimpse of this ancient art form. The one large boulder that contained the drawings had been blocked off with a chain link fence topped with barbed wire loop. We peered in to look at what appeared to be ancient stick figures & squiggles, & I was met with a moment of glee at thinking that people so many thousands of years ago drew pictures much like the ones we draw today.
Jake & Jess met up with us in the parking lot, & after getting coffee, we drove back to our Airbnb where Mom was waiting for us. We decided to spend the night in & got some snack food & drinks from the grocery store. Joseph turned on some music, & he, Jake, Jess, & Dad jumped into the pool while Mom & I sat out & just enjoyed the ambience.
When we grew hungry for dinner, we decided to continue our quest to find the best tacos in the area. Yesterday, we visited Baja Tacos for dinner, & the delicious food inspired us to try other local Mexican restaurants & decide which was the best. This time, we tried Oscar’s Taco Shop. The food was incredible, full of bold flavors that both contrasted & complimented one another. Salty cheese, creamy sour cream, earthy avocado, & spicy sauces made each dish a plate of perfection. I ordered the taco salad with shrimp in a fried tortilla bowl, which, while it was not quite the warm & comforting tacos I had tried the day before, it was still utterly satisfying. The tortilla was fried until crispy but it still tore softly & melted on the tongue, & the salad was fresh but still filling.
Compared to Baja Tacos, Oscar’s Taco Shop had more variety & included vegetables in their dishes, which is a huge win for me, but Baja Tacos’ homemade sauces & small business charm that could somehow be tasted in its food still made it a tough competitor. All in all, I think we will have to try another Mexican restaurant before we make our final pick.
We ended the evening resting our full tummies while playing a new card game, Uno Flip, which my mom had bought that day while running errands. Laughing around the table, I was struck by just how happy I was in how the day had turned out. We all have our different interests that pull us in differing directions, both in our daily lives & on vacation. But I love it when we all have the chance to come together & spend time with one another. There is nothing sweeter than that time spent around the table, laughing, talking & enjoying each other’s company.
When we return home, we will once again separate to our different lives, but I have hope that we will continue to seek special moments like these, where we can set any differences aside & enjoy the time spent with one another.
What do you pack for a trip to Arizona in December? According to the internet, everything. Tank tops & sweaters, bathing suits & gloves – bring a few suitcases & pack generously because you never know what to expect.
It was a late night before the plane trip. Because of a fun, Christmas event at work, I was up late packing. Before I knew it, 1am had arrived, & it was time for me to get ready.
We had a few small disputes among the family on what time to leave for the airport. To err on the side of caution & make sure no one felt anxious about missing the flight, we arrived at the airport an overly responsible two-and-a-half hours early.
We zoomed through baggage claim & security, & then used our extra time to enjoy a relaxed breakfast & coffee before our flight. The world was still dark when we ascended into the sky, perfect for an early morning nap.
We arrived into sunny Arizona by late morning. We were not allowed to check-in to our Airbnb until later in the day, so we went straight to visiting family instead. We met up with my uncle, his girlfriend, & three of his children in their hotel room, & then we all went to my great aunt & uncle’s home for dinner, where we met up with a couple of my mom’s cousins & family friends. We were all gathered together from all over the country for my great uncle’s 87th birthday.
It was fun to spend our first evening just relaxing with family. We spent the time enjoying drinks & good food, chatting & laughing. With thousands of miles dividing us, we hardly ever get to spend time or catch up with these family members, & it is always a joy to hear the stories from the past couple years & reminisce together.
The night grew late far faster than expected, & being awake for over 22 hours on three hours of sleep was taking its toll. We left, yawning & bleary-eyed, & drove through the streets lit bright with Christmas lights to our Airbnb. There is something quite interesting about hearing Christmas music & seeing Christmas decorations in such a hot, dry climate. Whoever said Arizona gets freezing cold in the early morning & late night must have been an Arizona native, because anyone who comes from a climate that actually grows reasonably cold would respectfully disagree. It gets chilly, but shorts & a hoodie still suffice. And to be dressed in summer clothes while experiencing the merriment of Christmas seems a little bizarre. I know many people go somewhere warm for the holidays, but I am a traditional Christmas movie girl & I want the snow, sweaters & pine trees, not sun tan lotion, bathing suits, & palm trees.
We slept in late the following morning to make up for the exhaustion the day previously. Joseph & I started the day with a run in our neighborhood, & then we met up with my uncle, his girlfriend, & our cousins for a trip to the Phoenix Zoo. We walked through the paved streets, peering in at the exhibits & chatting comfortably. The exhibits were nice & appeared comfortable for the animals, but the true attraction was spending time with family.
The sky was still light when the zoo closed, so we decided to go on a little adventure & go to the Hole in the Rock. It’s an easy hike – just over a quarter mile – that leads to a scenic point created by an unusually large hole in the tall rock.
I suppose it was a little too boring for those in our group with overly adventurous spirits. My dad, brother & Joseph decided to take the hike to the next level & climb up the front of the rock structure, which was no easy feat considering the grade of the ascent & my brother’s casual dress shoes. The rest of us walked around the rock structure & walked up the steps in the stone that lead to the wide hole. The setting sun reflected off of the red rock, creating a warm glow that emanated from the hole as we hiked up. Once inside the hole, the rock formed a small cave-like opening with an excellent overhead view of the zoo & dark blue mountains in the distance.
The adventurous ones in our group had climbed higher above the hole, & I, not wanting to miss out on the view, precariously climbed higher. Ankles teetering sideways, body leaning uncomfortably against the rocky structure, I climbed, slipping & sliding, up the side of the rock. My fellow travelers encouraged me, & soon I was settled up at the top, shaky & determinedly staying seated to be sure I would not fall, but feeling accomplished. From here, we could watch the sun disappear behind the faraway peaks & the sky grow a darker indigo.
We began the trek down as the light began to slowly fade. The majority of our group continued back down the way we had come, but the boys, once again, began down the face of the rock, & this time, my brother’s fiancé went with them. Not wanting to be the weakest link of the group, I decided to follow.
Rule number one of hiking: If you don’t think you can hike up the trail, you surely can’t hike back down. You would think that the trek up would be harder, but in truth, it’s the downhill that causes the majority of injuries. It’s much easier to slip & fall down the face of the rocks, & then gravity does its job of pulling you down until you hit something hard enough to stop you, which means it’s also hard enough to hurt you.
A quarter of the way down, I had realized my mistake. I was not wearing my hiking boots, I had zero rock climbing experience, & even more than that, I am afraid of heights. I like my feet on solid ground. Hiking is one of my favorite past times, & I have no problem hiking to high places, as long as my feet are firmly planted on the trail. But as soon as they inch a little too close to the drop, I start to shake.
This time was no different. Paralyzed with fear, adrenaline rushing through me, limbs shaking from the exertion of holding up my own body, I was stuck between swallowing my fear & being a quick learner, or falling down the face of the rock.
Luckily, I had help with me. Joseph, my dad & my brother assisted me step-by-step, helping me see the places to stick my feet & hands & reassuring me that, despite my doubts, my arms were strong enough to hold me when my feet were sliding. Tears springing my eyes, face turning red from exertion & embarrassment as I felt the eyes of everyone in the group on me, I shakily made it to the bottom & collapsed in sobs when I did, both of relief & humiliation.
“I’m so proud of you,” Joseph told me. “You’re so brave.” I did not feel proud, nor did I feel brave. I felt flush with shame & weak from my cowardice.
The members of the group hugged me, & we all went to the car together. Each told me how proud they were of me for climbing down, a feat that a number of others had done without a problem. I gave a shaky smile to each, but all I felt was self-consciousness at best, mortification at worst.
Just before climbing into our van, my dad stopped me & gave me a hug.
“I’m proud of you,” he told me.
“I’m so embarrassed,” I said quietly. “Everyone else did it without a problem.”
“You’ve never done it before, & you faced your fear,” my dad said. “Almost no one faces their fears. You were afraid, but you did it anyway, & that makes you brave.”
We left the rock face & drove back to our Airbnb. The original plan was to hit the grocery store, but it was evident no one really felt like shopping & cooking. A few minutes away from the store, we spotted a roadside taco truck with a permanent concrete sign claiming its location & bearing its name: Baja Tacos. A quick check in with the other occupants of the car revealed this was everyone’s preferred choice, & we quickly spun around & drove to the stand.
Going to an unknown taco truck is always a risk, but in this case, it was a risk worth taking. The food was inexpensive, but in no means cheap. We watched the chef work tirelessly inside the truck as we put in our orders, & a few minutes later, they were handed to us fresh & hot with a plethora of homemade sauces on the side. I ordered the fish tacos with chipotle sauce, which were served with cabbage, pico de gallo & guacamole on a fried corn tortilla.
To say the food was delicious would be an understatement. The flavors melded together to create a symphony on my tongue. It was creamy & crunchy, spicy & tangy, every bite nuanced & just as exciting as the last. And the spice was perfect – the burn built up in the back of my throat & stung my lips as I ate.
We ended the evening with a movie & then headed to bed, our skin sun-kissed goodnight by the desert.
I fell asleep thinking about the day’s events & how it ended. When I was packing for Arizona, I certainly didn’t expect this to be one of the first adventures I experienced. I was thinking of family time & mimosas, not scrambling down the side of a rockface with an expectant audience.
I remembered what my dad had said about bravery, my husband telling me he was proud of me, for doing something that everyone else had done with ease. But then I remembered, not everyone had done it. A few of us, perhaps you would call us brave or maybe even call us stupid, ventured down the rock face. And the achievement was not even the moment we made it down the rock, but that moment we each took a deep breath at the top & decided we were going to attempt it.
We all have different fears in life. Some of them we seem to be born with, & others we are conditioned to from life experiences. Some we call logical fears, & others can’t be explained but terrify us all the same. We react sometimes with tremors & shakes, while other times we become paralyzed & rooted to the spot. What is important in either situation is whether our next step is forward or back. Sometimes we go forth kicking & screaming, while other times, we go forward quietly, tears in our eyes & shaking head to toe. But whether we succeed or fail, we tried, & that’s what matters.
Climb your mountain, or in this case, stumble down into the valley. And if you are lucky enough to have a few loving voices by your side, listen to their words of comfort as you traverse around those dark & scary places where fear resides. It’s always much less scary in the dark when you have someone else by your side.
My last morning in Arizona began the same as many others. I woke up early to beat the heat of the day. I went for a run with my dad, this time taking extra note to the beauty of the scenery: The red earth; the tall, desert cacti; the clear, blue sky without a cloud in sight. We finished our run at Starbucks, where we ordered lattes. When we returned to the house, we ate breakfast with Bev and Gus. I soaked in my last few moments with my family, studying their features and listening to their laughter.
The time to leave came far too quickly. We hugged our loved ones goodbye, promising to visit again soon. Hopefully, there will not be another decade between now and our next visit. Jake, Mom, Dad, and I piled our luggage into the van and then climbed inside. We waved one last time to Bev and Gus, who were standing in the doorway of their home, and then we began the hour-long drive to the airport.
It was a quiet, somber trip. None of us were quite ready to leave. We had enjoyed the time spent with family in Arizona; we all wanted just one more day to fully appreciate how precious that time had been.
When we arrived at the airport, we returned our rental car and then took the shuttle to our terminal. We were running late, and I was getting nervous. I kept checking my watch as the minutes dwindled down. However, the airport was nearly empty once again. We made it through baggage claim and security in record time. There were even a few minutes to spare for a quick snack before we boarded our plane.
Today’s flight home was easier than the trip to Arizona had been. Instead of two flights with an unnecessarily long layover in between, we had one four-and-a-half-hour flight straight back to our destination. Instead of sleeping on this flight, I decided to finish my book, Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan. The book kept me at rapt attention, turning pages feverishly throughout, until I finally reached the last, eloquently written paragraph.
While reading, I was treated to the cacophony of, not just one, but two crying babies. When one stopped, the other picked up her shift. On rare occasion, we were treated to a lovely duet. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the parents as my fellow passengers grew restless in their seats. Luckily, it seemed that most people on the airplane had come prepared with headphones and earplugs, so there were no voiced complaints.
I had nearly reached the end of my book when the plane began to descend. I looked up from the words to glance out the airplane window at the perfect moment. Rippling water basking in the sunlight wound through tall, green trees that covered the land. Upon the water, a lonely boat cut through the waves in the direction of a distant bridge. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the sight. It was as if, in just a week of being away, I had forgotten how much I loved the trees and adored the greenery that surrounded me at home. I had forgotten the summer days I am accustomed to, lying on a boat or on the shore of a beach with the hot sand between my toes, soaking up the sunshine.
Me hiking at Oregon Ridge Nature Center in Baltimore County
“Look at all that humidity,” the passenger behind me grunted.
Oh, yes, I can’t forget the humidity, too. We are back in Maryland, the state of muggy summers; brilliant thunderstorms; tasty blue crabs served with Old Bay; and bright, black-eyed Susans. We are back in the state where I grew up, where I feel a familiar sense of comfort no matter where I have been or how long I have been gone. We are home.
It was another hot morning in Arizona. After being here for a week, I thought my body would be used to it, but every time I step out of the house, it still seems to come as a surprise. The heat is relentless, and the sun seems to be trying as hard is it can to sear every living thing, including me.
I woke up early again today to go running before the sun rose too high in the sky. The one thing I will admit about the dry Arizona heat is that it’s better running weather than the humidity in Maryland. Here, I can keep my stride going well into the 90s, but back home, anything over 80 degrees is too hot – I start sweating as soon as I step outside. I have enjoyed my runs here more than those I was having back on the east coast during our latest heat wave.
Dad and I finished our run a little after 7:00 and bought coffees once again at Starbucks. It is becoming a bit of an expensive tradition, but nothing compares to that little jolt of espresso after a hot morning run.
Today was our last full day in Arizona, and we planned to spend it as we had the rest of this trip – visiting and getting to know family. Before relatives arrived at the house, Bev and Gus took us shopping at a local store to buy souvenirs, and then they gave us a small tour around their retirement community. My favorite part was the garden, which included a meditation area with a fountain and a large model train adorned with cute little houses, moving figurines, and a zoo (which, oddly enough, housed a dinosaur). The tour took place from the inside of our air conditioned car because today was the hottest day we had experienced yet. I am surprised the thermometer did not break. It was over 110 degrees by the time we got back to the house to prepare lunch.
Annette, my mother’s cousin, was the first to visit. We ate hors d’oeuvres and talked about our summers – Annette just recently retired from being a nurse and bought a new home not far from where Bev and Gus live. I have only met Annette one other time in my life, so it was nice to have the chance to catch up and visit again.
After she left, we only had an hour before our next guests arrived. Jocelyn, Pam’s daughter, and her new boyfriend, Riley, were out of town when visited Pam’s house on Sunday, so they decided to drive to see us on our last evening here. They brought Hazel, Jocelyn’s energetic, two-year-old dog, who brought smiles to all of our faces with her kisses and puppy cuddles.
Once again, I was excited about the chance to visit with family I had never met before. Jocelyn and I found that we have a lot in common, including the fact that we are both currently on the low-FODMAP diet. For the first time on this trip, I was not the only one with unusual dietary restrictions. Riley, Jocelyn and I talked about school and their recent trip to California. The two of them will be returning to school in a few weeks for their second year of college. It was nice to be able to talk with family members so close in age and with whom I had so much in common; we were able to talk about our lives with ease.
From left to right: Annette, Gus and Mom
The evening hours flew by, and before we knew it, our dinner plates had been cleared, dessert had been served, and it was time to say goodnight. Once again, we faced saying farewell to people without knowing when we would see them again. Then we went to bed knowing we would have to do the same with Bev and Gus tomorrow, which, after days of growing to know them better and love them even more, would be even harder.
I have one more night in Arizona. I will have one more early morning run, one more hot latte, one more breakfast with family, and then I will be flying on a plane back to Maryland. The trip went by far too fast. I would love to have the chance to stay just a few days longer to explore more of Arizona and spend more time with these people I have grown to love even more. I am so grateful that, despite with everything currently happening in the country and the world, this trip was still possible. For much of the summer, I feared we would not even make it to Arizona. And now that I have been here, I know it’s going to be even harder to stay away.
It will not be another decade before I return. I am going to visit again soon, but this time, I am going with experience, which means I am not coming back in July. A pleasant, winter trip to a balmy 70 degrees sounds like a delightful vacation that I am thoroughly looking forward to.
After nearly a week spent in Arizona, the end of my vacation looming not far into the future, I finally had the chance to experience the state for the beautiful place it is.
Our destination today was Sedona. My dad and I got up early again to run before the heat of the day hit. After the workout, we enjoyed coffees and breakfast as a family, and then we headed out to embark upon our adventure.
Sedona is over two hours away from where Bev and Gus live, so the drive was a tad long and hot. Jake and I passed the time by playing a version of the alphabet game, which managed to entertain us for the majority of the ride.
“Don’t miss out on the scenery,” Bev called out jokingly. The barren red landscape changed minimally over the course of the trip.
However, as we got closer to Sedona, our surroundings did become more appealing. Large rock formations grew from the ground and stretched up towards the sky. We gained over 4,000 feet in elevation during our drive.
The temperature in Sedona was 10 degrees cooler than it was in Sun City. When I first learned this, I thought it would provide a great relief after days 100-plus degree weather. However, upon arrival, I realized that 10 degrees does not feel all that different when the temperature is still over 90 degrees.
All of us in Coyote Canyon – from left to right: Dad, Jake, me, Bev, Gus, and Mom
We ate a quick lunch and then walked to Pink Adventure Tours. Bev had signed us up for a Coyote Canyons Pink Jeep Tour, one of the moderate (which means not too bumpy) canyon drives. After receiving our bubblegum pink wristbands, we walked to the parking lot where there were multiple bright pink jeeps lined up beside one another. Our tour guide, Ryan, has been working for Pink Jeep Tours for 12 years, since the economic crash in 2008. He grew up in California, where he had worked in carpentry. When he lost his job, his parents suggested he turn his hobbies of Jeep driving and dirt bike-riding into a career, so he moved to Arizona and got the job he has now. The unfortunate thing, he said, was that, after spending so many of his days driving through the canyons, his hobbies no longer felt like fun past times. He just sold his last dirt bike a few weeks ago.
Ryan was a fantastic tour guide. He gave us the perfect blend of information and humor to make the tour fun and educational. It was a bumpy ride – the jeep tires, which were over half my height, climbed over boulders and down treacherous rocky trails, throwing us against our tightened seat belts. There were quite a few times that I held my breath, expecting the vehicle to tip, but Ryan was an expert driver who kept us safe.
As we rode, we admired the layers of red, white and brown on the canyon walls, formed over hundreds of years of different environments. Ryan stopped the jeep near an old, log cabin built by Earl Van Deren for him and his new bride in the 1890s. Walking up to that house, sweat pouring down my face, I could not imagine how anyone survived that long ago without air conditioning.
The Van Deren cabin
The jeep tour lasted two hours, but it felt much shorter. The good news is that, while it was fascinating and the views were beautiful, I don’t think any of us wanted the tour to last much longer. By the end, our pants were soaked with sweat as if we had been swimming, and we were all tired and thirsty from the heat.
We stopped at the gift shop for some souvenirs and then headed to Old Town Cottonwood, a small town not far from Sedona. The main street was quaint and alluring, but most of the shops were closed due to the novel coronavirus. Instead of walking the street, we went to Colt Grill, where we bought drinks to cool off. Bev and I each ordered a glass of wine, Gus and Dad ordered local beers, and Mom ordered a prickly pear margarita, one of the house specials.
Just before purchasing, a kind man seated at the bar announced that he would pay for our drinks. This was exceedingly generous considering how many of us there were. We thanked him profusely, but he shrugged us off. He told us he hated the racial tensions happening in the country right now, and he wanted to show us that there were no ill feelings between any of us.
Now, with our heads light on our shoulders from such a pleasant interaction (and the alcohol in our systems), we headed to where we wanted to eat. Rock Springs Cafe, which happens to be the oldest, independently owned restaurant still serving customers in Arizona, was one of very few buildings situated on a small exit off the highway. It consisted of a Mom and Pop-style store, a saloon, and the cafe, which was where the restaurant dining was located. The cuisine was homestyle comfort food, which, of course, wasn’t fancy, but it was delicious and filling after a long day. Our waitress was as sweet as the pies she served us. We ordered a rhubarb strawberry pie and a Jack Daniels pecan pie to bring home and enjoy with ice cream.
When we finally did arrive back at the house, Gus pointed out that we had been on our adventure for 11 hours, which explained the drawn looks on our reddened faces. The pie, however, brightened our spirits immediately. We sat at the table, laughing, talking and, once again, savoring the beauty of finally being able to spend time with one another.
Drinking at Colt Grill – from left to right: Bev, Gus, Mom, me, Jake, and Dad
This trip has been almost entirely about visiting family, which I could not be happier about. After about a decade since I have seen my relatives, it has been a true blessing to be reunited with them once again. Today, however, it was fun to experience Arizona for the amazing place that it is, to eat at a restaurant that only the locals know, and to travel a little out of our comfort zones to have a new experience we will never forget.
Even on relaxing vacations, it can’t hurt to have just a little taste of adventure sprinkled in.
My family having lunch at Pam’s & Rick’s house – from left to right: Dad, me, Mom, Kathleen, Pam, Samuel, Gus, Thomas, Bev, Jake, Isabella, and Steve
Today, I started my morning far earlier than my body wanted. The heat in Sun City becomes unbearable by 7:00am, so we had to start running as soon as the sun rose.
Dad and I mapped our route to end at Starbucks, and afterwards we each enjoyed our first cup of espresso since the trip began. After four days of very little sleep, my body needed that boost of caffeine.
Getting up so early gave us the luxury of relaxing for the rest of the morning. We sipped and enjoyed our coffees on the veranda outside until it was too hot to sit, and then we sat in the air conditioned living room. Bev and Gus had locally grown grapefruits, and even though they are strictly not allowed by my current low-FODMAP diet, I couldn’t help but taste a small bite. The citrus fruit burst inside my mouth, yielding a delightfully tart juice that was the perfect balance between bitter and sweet.
At noon, we left to go to Pam’s house. Pam is Bev’s eldest daughter. She lives in Fountain Hills, an hour away from Sun City. On the way, we chatted with Bev and Gus and shared stories and pictures from our latest life adventures. The hour flew by. Sooner than I realized, we were arriving at the mansion-sized homes situated on the sides of canyons, overlooking red rocks and the valley far below.
Pam is a beautiful soul. There are some people who just seem to understand life at a different level. They are humble, loving and giving to no end. They are the kind of people you can spend hours with without even realizing the passage of time, and when you do leave, you feel better about yourself and inspired to love others well. This is the kind of person Pam is. She was an incredible hostess, and despite the fact that I had never met her before, she greeted me with love and treated me as if I was her own daughter. At the end of our visit, she hugged me tightly and requested I return any time I needed a place to sleep.
While at Pam’s house, we spent time with her and her husband, Rick, as we savored our last moments with Steve and the kids. From here, we would part ways – Steve and the kids would return home while we drove back to Bev’s and Gus’ house. We talked and shared a commemorative last meal together. The hours ran away from us quicker than we could chase them, and before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye.
Uncle Steve and Mom just before saying goodbye
It was hard to say farewell not knowing when I would see them again. Before this trip, I had not visited Steve in eight years; the kids had truly been children and toddlers, and I had been a mere freshman in high school. Now, those “kids” are almost full grown, and I have graduated from college, started a career, and gotten engaged. So much has happened since we last visited, and so much could happen before we see one another again. In another eight years, even the youngest will be a legal adult and I will be in my thirties.
I hugged each of my relatives, requesting that, this time, we wouldn’t wait as long until we saw each other again. Thomas seemed the most upset by the separation; he gave me at least five earnest hugs, assuring me each time that he would come to visit me in Maryland next year. I really do hope that we can make that happen.
After Steve and the kids left, we said goodbye to Pam and Rick and began the drive home. It was a somber mood in the car. Luckily, we had a sermon Pam recommended to distract us. The message was focused on kindness, and it used the movie “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” to lead its trajectory.
Playing cards a few days ago at Steve’s house – from left to right: Sam, Kathleen, me, Thomas, Mom, and Jake
Kindness truly is what makes life beautiful. Mr. Rogers said the way to become successful in life is to be kind, and I think that must be true. I have never felt more fulfilled than after a day when I believed I truly did some good in this world, when I had been kind to others. The message reminded us that we should never so busy in our lives that we don’t realize or recognize when other people need help, and that we should extend kindness to all, even those who do not give it back to us. So many of us think of kindness as conditional; if someone is kind to one of us, we are kind back. But the beauty of true love – of God’s love – is that it is unconditional; there is nothing someone has to do to earn it, and, even more importantly, there is nothing someone can do to get rid of it. As Christ’s followers, we are called to love like that.
When we arrived home, the bittersweet taste had not left us. After such a long day and with another early morning ahead of us, we went to bed early. Lying in the guest bedroom, I couldn’t help but think back over the last few days of our trip.
It’s the finitude of moments in life that makes them both sweet and bitter. I can’t help but feel sad when wonderful moments come to an end. But endings are truly beautiful. Without them, we would not appreciate the time we have. Endings bring closure to long-awaited journeys and hope for an unknown future. Endings are what remind us to make the most of the moments we are in, and they are what make memories so precious.
Eating dinner our first night at Steve’s house – from left to right: Thomas, Jake, me, Samuel, Kathleen, Mom, and Dad
The sermon today and the interactions I had with my family members also reminded me what makes endings a little sweet rather than only bitter. After all, there certainly are endings that leave us with only a bitter taste in our mouths. What gives moments meaning is the kindness exchanged within them. Love makes life worth living.
The best way to make the most of the moment I am in is to focus on being kind to those around me. When I am that devoted to being kind and cognizant of others’ needs, it helps me to remember to be present with those around me. So, when those moments end and it is time to say goodbye, the farewell is not nearly as bitter because I have made so many fond memories with those I love.
The most beautiful thing about today’s ending is that I know it is not final. While I am not sure when I will see these family members again, I do know that we will be reunited someday. The beauty of today’s ending is that, while this chapter has come to a close, the story is not yet finished.
After the excitement of last night, it was a relief to wake to a blessedly quiet morning.
I began my day with a hot run into the neighborhoods nearby and down a biking path that yielded a spectacular view of the mountains. Sweat poured down my face, but the air was clean and filled my lungs enough to help me power through. As I ran, I admired the cacti that loomed threateningly, casting shadows over the path. When I looked down at my pounding feet, I caught sight of lizards scurrying by, searching for a shady spot to rest. Despite the heat of the desert, there is life hidden everywhere.
I arrived home, sweaty and hot but feeling accomplished. I showered and got ready for the long day ahead. Then, I sat in the kitchen to a hot cup of coffee, took a deep breath, and drank in the serenity of the tranquil, desert morning.
Today was our last day in Tucson. Luckily for us, it is not quite time to say goodbye. We were able to postpone the inevitable farewells by having Steve and kids travel with us to Sun City to visit more family. However, there was one thing we had to do before leaving – I had promised Thomas that I would watch the new live action Aladdin movie with him. We were supposed to watch it last night, but after the excitement of the hospital visit, it was far too late and we were all far too tired to enjoy the viewing experience. Instead, we sat in the living room today with Jake, Samuel, my parents, and Steve to enjoy one of my favorite Disney princess movies reimagined. While watching, I played a game of cards with Steve, which was thoroughly entertaining. Steve is a master of cards, so he was a challenging opponent. Lucky for me, the game we played had a bit of luck worked in, so I was able to hang with him for most of the game. I lost, of course, but it was a still a match I could be somewhat proud of.
After the movie, all of us hurriedly got ready and packed our bags for our next destination. The car ride was long and lazy. Jake and Thomas dozed in the seats in front of me while Dad and Mom talked intermittently in quiet tones. We had all been up late last night and had little energy to spare because of it.
I thought Arizona would be about the same temperature anywhere we went. I discovered today that I was mistaken. Sun City, I realized, was aptly named. The sun was the most noticeable feature of the place. It scorched the land and beat down on us relentlessly. I started sweating in the sweltering heat as soon as I stepped out of the car.
We hurried inside, where we were greeted with a gracious air conditioned space. We had arrived at Bev’s and Gus’ house, my mother’s and Steve’s aunt and uncle. After their parents passed away, my Mom and Steve moved to live with Bev and Gus for the duration of their teenage years. I have not seen Bev and Gus since I was 11 years old.
Bev had prepared an extravagant spread for lunch, which we attacked like scavengers. It was now late in the afternoon and none of us had eaten since early in the morning.
Gus and Bev looked like they had not aged a day since the last day I had seen them. Funnily enough, Bev said the same thing about me. We spent the afternoon and evening talking and catching up, sharing stories and reconnecting after years spent living across the country.
Today was not an eventful day, but it was one of my favorites thus far. After the fear I felt last night from the scorpion attack, it was such a relief to have a relaxed day, surrounded by loving family members and the lazy, still desert atmosphere that discourages boisterous activity with its merciless heat. Today was a day to appreciate and remember just how blessed I am by the people I have in my life and the beauty of the world around me. I am used to speeding through life, always looking to the next activity, but it was a relief to slow down on this vacation and just appreciate the moment I was in.
When I stop rushing through life, I realize just how truly beautiful it is and how fortunate I am to be able to experience it.
The majority of our day in Arizona was uneventful. Everyone in the house seemed to be tired after the late night we had yesterday, so we decided to have a lazy day. We watched Hamilton and played games, and a couple of us even decided to enjoy an afternoon nap.
In the evening, Steve, Isabella, Kathleen, my mom, and I sat around the table to play cards. Dad retired to bed early, and Jake headed upstairs with Samuel and Thomas to play Mario Kart. Hours passed as we laughed and drank, determined to make the most of our last evening together in Tucson.
Near the end of the game, Thomas and Samuel came bounding down the stairs, followed by Jake, who was holding his right leg awkwardly in front of him as he hopped on his left foot.
“I was bitten by a scorpion,” he announced. A beat of silence followed this statement before all of us at the table stood.
“You were what,” Mom demanded.
“Bitten by a scorpion,” Jake repeated. He, ironically, seemed to be the calmest person in the room.
“Where?” Steve asked.
“In one of the bedrooms,” Jake said. “We were playing hide-and-seek.”
“He’s probably gone by now,” Steve said. Despite this, he still followed Jake back upstairs to the bedroom. A moment later we could hear the stomping of a heavy shoe, the sound that told us the scorpion had been both found and killed.
Mom ran out of the room to wake Dad, while I turned to the two girls.
“Get me some gauze and something sturdy to make a tourniquet,” I said. They both ran out of the room as I grabbed my phone to call 911. This, however, went out of my head as soon as Jake came back into the room. He rushed to his backpack, tore it open, and pulled out a military style belt, which he wrapped tightly around his upper leg.
“It says to do a cold compress and to keep the area elevated,” Kathleen said as she returned, reading off her phone. Isabella followed her and set the gauze I had asked for on the table.
“Tyler,” my mom called as she ran back into the room. “You’re driving.”
“I can’t drive,” I exclaimed.
“You need to,” she said. This, I realized a moment later, was true. Of all the adults present, I was the most sober.
Steve thankfully remembered to call 911 as I left the room to grab the car keys. I went to start the car, but after waiting for a few moments, I realized my family was not following. I ran back inside.
“Jake, you are going to cut off circulation to your leg,” I heard my mom say. “Loosen it up a bit.”
“No,” I exclaimed, rushing into the room. “That’s what a tourniquet is supposed to do.” Jake was lying on the couch, his foot elevated on my dad’s shoulder.
“How do you feel,” I asked him.
“It hurts,” he said to me with a smile. His jovial attitude reassured me. Steve walked into the room saying it was recommended we take Jake to the hospital. We helped Jake hop to the car, where I returned to my spot in the driver’s seat.
Luckily, I had drank very little, and we arrived at the hospital 20 minutes later. I dropped Jake off at the Emergency Room with our parents and then parked the car. Jake’s last request to me as he hobbled out was to keep his girlfriend, Jess, updated. I reassured him that I would, so the first thing I did in that hospital waiting room was send her a text of what I knew.
My parents and I waited in silence. A few minutes ticked by before the doctor emerged.
“He is going to be fine,” she said. “I gave him an ice pack, and we are going to monitor him to make sure he doesn’t have a reaction.”
“How long will that take,” my mom asked.
“At least an hour,” she said. “Also, unfortunately, because of COVID, you all can’t wait here. You can wait in your car, or you can go home, and he can call you when he is ready.”
We walked out of the hospital, each a little torn on what to do. When we got back in the car, my dad asked my mom if she wanted to stay or go.
“I guess we can go back to the house,” she said. I, personally, wanted to stay in the parking lot. I knew if it had been me in that room, it would be reassuring to know that my family members were so close by. But I reversed the car and drove out of the parking lot.
As we were driving back, Mom received a call from Steve. She relayed to him what the doctor had told us, and then she said that she was going to drop off me and Dad at the house and then return to the hospital. When she got off of the phone, there was a short pause before I spoke.
“I didn’t know you were planning on dropping us off at the house,” I said.
“Neither did I,” Dad said.
“If I had known, I would have just stayed at the hospital,” I said. “I don’t want to just wait at home.”
“Yeah, you’re not going back to the hospital alone,” Dad said. The bit of composure Mom had held onto until this point finally left her, and she broke down in tears.
“Then you make the decision, David,” she said. “I don’t want to make it.”
“Okay, let’s go back to the house,” Dad said, thinking practically. “It’s only 20 minutes away and we are already almost there. And when Jake calls, we will go straight back.” Mom agreed, but her tears only intensified. I checked the GPS and saw we were halfway between the house and hospital. With a deep breath, I pulled over the car onto a side road.
“This isn’t your turn,” Mom said.
“I know,” I replied. I parked the car and then turned to her.
“What do you want to do?” I asked. Mom didn’t answer me. “I think we should go back,” I said.
“You should ask your dad,” Mom said.
“It’s not about what I want,” Dad said. “It’s about what you want. What do you want to do?” Mom didn’t answer.
“Okay,” I said, putting the car back into drive. “We’re going back to the hospital. That’s clearly what you want to do. It’s what we all want to do.” I turned the car around and headed back down the highway. A few moments of silence passed before Mom spoke.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. At this moment, Dad’s phone began to ring. It was good that we turned around when we did because it was Jake calling – the hospital needed insurance information.
I drove back to the emergency room entrance, and Dad left the car. Through the windows, I could see Jake standing with a nurse in the waiting room.
“That’s Jake,” Mom exclaimed tearfully. “He’s standing up! That must mean he’s okay and he’s ready to come home, right?” She turned to me, her eyes hopeful and desperate, as if confirmation of this question was the lifeline she needed.
“I don’t know,” I told her. Mom bit her lip and looked back out the windshield, and then she rushed out of the car to greet her son, who was exiting the hospital. The two of them returned with Dad to the car.
My family. From left to right, Jake, Jess, Dad, me, and Mom
Jake was still in high spirits. On the ride home, he finally told us the full story: He had run into Steve’s bedroom during a game of hide-and-seek. The scorpion had been hiding right in the shadows behind the doorway. Jake said the sting had not hurt as bad as he would have thought. At first, he thought maybe it was a splinter. Then, after looking at it, he saw the area was red and swollen, so he thought maybe he had stepped on a bee. He used his phone flashlight to see what he had stepped on, and that’s when he saw the small, spider-like creature.
He did tell us it is actually not a good idea to use a tourniquet when stung or bit by a venomous animal.
“I knew it,” Mom exclaimed. The doctors had told Jake that using a tourniquet restricts all the venom in a high consistency to one area, so when the tourniquet is taken off, they have no way of controlling the venom spread into the rest of the body. It is better to elevate the bitten or stung area and let the venom seep slowly, in a more controlled state, through the bloodstream.
We returned to the house, where Jake’s main concern was where the scorpion was now. To his immense disappointment, Steve told him it had been flushed down the toilet. He had wanted to keep it, or at least get a picture, as a souvenir of his experience.
What do you do when someone you love is hurt? It’s difficult to know what to do, and everyone reacts differently. Some of us are overwhelmed by our own empathy and emotions; no one likes seeing someone they love in pain. Others become cool headed and practical, thinking only of the logical next step. Some become rooted to the spot, paralyzed with fear, while others snap into action as if they have been training for this for years. The interesting thing is there is no way to predict how you will react until you are in the situation; there is no way to prepare for the swarm of nauseating emotions or rush of adrenaline that will hit you. And the unfortunate thing is that you are most likely to make mistakes or do something unhelpful, such as recommending a tourniquet for a wound that shouldn’t have it, or being so overwhelmed by choices to make that you become too petrified to make any decision for fear it will be wrong.
Me and my brother
What we can’t do is let these mistakes and shortcomings dismay us. After all, having made these errors means we did do the most important thing anyone can for someone in pain: We were there. We were present with the person who was hurting, and we did what we could and what we knew how to do. I am so grateful for each of my family members and the different skills they brought to the table, and I am especially appreciative for the doctors who knew what Jake actually needed.
And now that I am out of the situation and can finally think about how I feel, I am so very grateful that my brother is safe and healthy. His good sense of humor, kind disposition, and relaxed approach to life are always things I have admired and loved, and I could not imagine my life without my younger brother.
What do you do when someone you love is hurt? Hopefully, you just get the chance to be there with them.
When I think of Arizona, I think of dry, relentless heat on red land adorned with cacti, shrubs, and bright orange, desert flowers. What I never imagine is rain pouring onto the parched land from a dreary gray sky.
Of all the times to visit Arizona, somehow my family and I chose the few days that monsoon season decided to hit. Our original plans for the day were pushed into the evening by the dark clouds that had taken over the sky.
One of the best things to do on rainy days is play games, and that’s exactly what we did. Now, again, this was not quite what I expected. When I think of games, I think of a deck of cards or a board game. However, my cousins, who are younger and more aware of the current trends, introduced the virtual reality system to me and my family. With the headset on, the room we were in disappeared and each of us were taken to a different world where we faced blood-thirsty zombies, frightening falls, and terrifying roller coasters. It was an immersive experience that took video games to a whole new level. My cousins, of course, were pros at the games; nothing shook them. Kathleen gleefully announced to the room every time she came into contact with a new, gruesome obstacle, and Thomas destroyed every level of each game with ease. My mother, however, shook with fear and stood, paralyzed, in the center of the room until we found a more relaxed simulation for her to experience.
Jake and Steve playing cornhole during a brief lull from the rain.
Once we tired of this game, we ate some lunch and broke out the cards and poker chips to play Screw Your Neighbor, a game my brother, Jake, introduced to us. By now, it was late into the afternoon and the rain had mostly subsided, so we decided to return to our original plans for the day and drive to Topgolf.
Let me start this by saying that the most golf I have ever played is a few rounds of putt-putt, and I was hopeless even at that game. In fact, running is just about the only sport I have any skill at; everything else requires a level of coordination that I, unfortunately, have not been gifted with. Luckily, I was in good company – my brother had only been to a driving range once, my father had not played in 20 years, and it had been even longer since my mom had played her first and only round of golf.
Topgolf reminded me a bit of a bowling alley. Everyone took turns hitting their ball into the turf where brightly colored, large holes caved into the ground. The farther away the hole was, the more points the player earned. The scores were recorded automatically by the computer at our table. I’m still not sure how the computer kept track of where our balls went when there were dozens being hit by guests every minute, all into the same turf, but the computer was almost always accurate in recording our scores.
It was a lot of fun. My uncle, Steve, is an experienced golfer, so he was able to give all of us novices some tips. At the beginning, I felt pretty hopeless about my skills – it was more than obvious that I had never played before. But after observing everyone else’s form, I began to get the hang of it and actually got a few decent strokes in. I am by no means a good golfer; I’m not event a decent golfer. But I hit the ball into the hole, and that was enough for me.
As the sky darkened, the holes in the turf were illuminated with lights that danced along to the music playing overhead. Our allotted game time came to an end, so we extended it by another half an hour, and then later, another half an hour on top of that. By the time we were finished playing, two hours had flown by without us even realizing. We were too engrossed in the gratification of when we finally hit the ball well, and the enjoyment of spending time with good company.
My relatives from Arizona – from left to right: Samuel, Kathleen, Thomas, Steve, and Isabella
The party did not end there. Well into the night, my family continued to revel in each other’s company. I was the first to retire to bed, still exhausted from the previous day’s travels.
One thing I loved about today is that none of it went according to plan, and that’s what made it so great. None of us could have known when planning this trip months ago that we would fly right into monsoon season; it was so surprising it was trending on my Twitter today. However, the rain giving life to the desert outside gave us a chance to spend time with one another without the distraction of tourist attractions. While I am eager to get out exploring Tucson, I was thankful for the day to re-explore the relationships that I haven’t had the chance to reconnect with in eight years. And when the rain finally did let up and we were able to go out, we were delighted to find that Topgolf, lit up by lights, was even more enjoyable over nighttime drinks and dinner.
Embrace the surprises and changes in life. And no matter what, remember that the best moments are made, not because of what you are doing, but because of the people you are with.
The first day of my vacation started with waking to the sound of pounding feet on a treadmill at 3a.m. I grudgingly slid out of my bed and exited my bedroom to see my dad completing his morning run before our long day ahead. We had to leave for our flight by 6:30. I yawned and headed upstairs to get ready. This day was getting an even earlier start than I had expected, but the excitement of what was ahead kept me from returning to my bed.
I got ready and went outside while the world was still dark for my own run. With a light belt around my waist and the flashlight on my phone leading the way, I jogged up and down my driveway, waking my tired muscles for the long trip ahead. The sky was just beginning to lighten as I headed back inside to shower.
My family and I packed our suitcases into the car and then headed to BWI airport. Jess, my brother’s girlfriend, dropped us off with a cheerful farewell, and then we headed to baggage claim.
Walking into the airport was like walking onto the set of an apocalyptic movie. Instead of milling with people, the lines were short with people spacing themselves out at least six feet apart. Everyone was wearing a mask. It was very different from my memories of this same airport from a year ago when I had flown to San Francisco for 4K for Cancer.
We checked our bags in record time, which meant that all the extra time we had allotted ourselves by arriving to the airport early was now just an extra two hours to kill before our plane departed. My family got pretzels from Auntie Anne’s while I bought a latte from Starbucks and a banana from Pinkberry Yogurt. I walked around the airport to stretch my legs while I still could, sipping my latte and talking to Joseph on the phone. I am missing my favorite travel buddy and photographer on this trip, who also happens to be my fiancé.
We boarded our plane at 10:30a.m., and soon we were soaring high in the sky. My family and I nodded off, already exhausted by our day. By this point, I had already been awake for eight hours, but our travels had only just begun.
Four hours later, we arrived in Denver for our layover. My mother, while comparing prices, had forgotten to check what our layover would be, which meant we accidentally got stuck with a four hour wait between flights. We ate lunch, and then Mom and I walked around the airport, window shopping. The Denver airport is the most entertaining airport I have ever been in. There were tons of shops to walk into, including a book store that caught my attention for a while. In the center of the airport is a large display of an airplane flying over platforms that have been decorated to look like ruins. The airport is filled with art exhibits to admire and enjoy, which made our walk much more entertaining than expected.
Our flight was scheduled to begin boarding at 4:35p.m. We seated ourselves at the gate at 4:00 to make sure we would have enough time. However, 4:35 came and went without any announcements. At 4:45, the gate attendant announced that they were beginning pre-boarding for the flight to Houston. My mother and I looked up at each other at the same time, our eyebrows knit in confusion. My mother stood and walked away to talk to an employee, and then she rushed back to us.
“We’re at the wrong gate,” she said. “Come on!” We gathered our belongings quickly and ran across the entire length of the airport. The gate where we were supposed to be (a different gate than what had been listed on our boarding passes) was completely empty. We rushed up to the gate attendant, who announced that the flight was fully boarded.
“I’m guessing you are the Didra family,” he said, making a few clicks on his computer. We confirmed this, and then, to our relief, he re-opened the gate for us. We rushed onto the plane, and less than two minutes later, we were once again lifting off into the sky above.
After nearly a four hour layover, we still almost missed our flight.
I spent the flight reading my book, Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan. It is a memoir that tells the story of a journalist from New York City who lost a month of her life due to some form of disease that took over her mind. It was so captivating that, before I knew it, we were landing in Tucson, Arizona.
The airport was desolate when we arrived. All of the shops were closed and apart from our fellow passengers, the terminals were empty. We picked up our luggage in record time and rented a car to drive to where my uncle, Steve, and his children, Isabella, Kathleen, Sam, and Thomas live. As soon as we started driving, we passed a cactus that towered far above me, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony. It was as if the landscape wanted to assure me that we were, in fact, now in the desert.
We arrived to a beautiful spread of food and a warm home. I have not seen my family in Arizona for over eight years. The kids I played with when I was a freshman in high school are now nearly grown.
We all sat around the dinner table, catching up, playing games, and enjoying one another’s company. I wanted to stay up later, but after being awake for 22 hours and flying over 2,000 miles, I was falling asleep sitting in my chair.
Luckily, I have a week here to reunite, reconnect and reminisce. Tonight, it is time for some much-needed rest.
