What in the world are we doing here?

What is the meaning of it all?

To fall in love, to make a life that’s calm & stable

Or just to find a place where I belong?

– Colony House, “This Beautiful Life”

I snatched my phone from my bedside table as my alarm blared. 5am had come far too soon. I pulled myself out of bed & dragged my tired body into the bathroom. It had been a long week. There was an air of heaviness hanging over me & my loved ones. And with impeccable timing, Joseph had given me his cold the day before we left for our trip, and I had not been able to shake it off yet. 

My Uncle Gus passed the month before, & we came to Arizona for his funeral. We arrived nearly a week early to be able to spend time with family we hardly ever get to see – the past five days of the trip were spent visiting & reminiscing with loved ones. On this day, however, Joseph & I had different plans. While budgeting & planning for this trip, we made the decision to take one day to ourselves, & we would spend it at Antelope Canyon. The timing seemed a bit insensitive, & I felt guilty for taking any time away that should be spent with relatives. But Antelope Canyon was a bucket list dream of mine, & as a more private person who internally processes their thoughts & feelings, I knew I would need a day away to process everything that had occurred. What better place to do that than in the spiritual, colorful canyons in Page, Arizona. 

By this time in our lives, Joseph & I seem to no longer be dissuaded from adventures because of long drives. It was for this reason we climbed into our rental car before the sun had risen for a four-hour drive to Page. We queued up our regular “Let’s Go” playlist & began the long drive in higher spirts. It felt good to be on the road again.

So far, all we had seen of the desert was orange & tawny. However, as we climbed up into the mountains, we were surprised to see our first sight of snow all winter. I never thought I would see snow in Arizona before I saw it in Maryland. As we climbed, the landscape faded from tall cacti to snow-capped pine trees. Halfway through our drive, we carefully pulled through the snow into a Starbucks parking lot for a much-needed caffeine boost.

We returned to the familiar, sun-scorched landscape as we descended into Page. I booked us two tours to see both the upper & lower sections of Antelope Canyon. Our morning reservation was at the lower section. After a little mix-up trying to find the right tour company, we finally arrived at Ken’s Tours. We waited with the small queue of people & looked around, trying to catch sight of where the canyons were, but all we could see was flat, red rock.

Our tour guide led us across the desert to where a rickety & narrow flight of stairs descended into the earth. We were instructed to walk down one at a time to reduce our risk of falling. With bated breath, we traversed down into the canyon, where each of us collectively gasped in awe.

The canyon was just as I had dreamed it would be. Strips of colors brushed across the rock that curved & bent like the waves of the ocean. Sunlight streamed down inside, catching small crystals that shone like diamonds on the rock walls. Our guide led us carefully through the canyon, stopping frequently so we could take photos & marvel at the sight. Regularly, we had to stoop to avoid hitting our heads on the protruding rock & twist our bodies to squeeze through narrow spots. As we walked, I brushed my hand along the rock & felt the rough stone beneath my fingertips. This place had a magic about it. All I wanted was to stay longer to sit with it & learn from its wisdom.

According to Navajo tradition, Antelope Canyon was formed by Holy People as a place to connect with nature & the spirit world. It is a sacred place where they believe the physical & spiritual world intersect. Because of the great power held within the canyon, the Navajo people believe it must be approached with respect & humility. It is said if you are not of sound mind before entering, it can be detrimental to your spirit. However, the Navajo elders have a traditional blessing ceremony performed regularly to protect the people who enter. 

As it is for many of our travels, I wanted to venture into the canyon to connect more deeply to myself & this world around me. Antelope Canyon, for me, seemed to be a place that was calling to me, & for every layer of colorful rock I saw, it seemed there was a deeper layer of wisdom & history hidden inside.

When we exited the canyon, Joseph & I were beginning to feel a bit peckish. We made a quick stop at an overlook on our way into town, where we found two restaurants that piqued each our fancies beside one another: Desert Nutrition (an açai & smoothie shop) for me, & Slackers (a burger joint) for him. We each gave our orders & then sat beside one another while we ate. Our energy was already draining, so we stopped for more coffees & spent the remainder of our free time caffeinating ourselves before the next tour. 

To get to the upper section of the canyon, we piled with fellow tourists onto a bus that bumped across the desert landscape. We were collectively thrown into the air as our tour guide calmly talked to us about the local species of animals & the history of the canyon. By the time we arrived, I think each of us had a bit of nausea & the faint yearning to pee after having our bladders tossed around.

Instead of cutting into the rock, this canyon jutted up from the earth. A narrow opening lead the way inside to what was nearly a cave. The only thing that distinguished it as a canyon was the thin space between the rock at the top, which let in only a faint amount of sunlight that dimmed even more the farther in we walked. At some points, it was almost too dark to even see the rock we bumped into. Using our hands to guide us, we shifted carefully through the sand beneath our feet, catching sight of sunbeams that shone against the purple & orange walls of the canyon. We gazed up the high walls & marveled at the beauty of this place. From the outside, you never would have guessed something so extraordinary was hidden within the rock. It was clear why Navajo people believed this to be a spiritual place – it was too perfect & unique to be a chance part of creation.

The sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky as we exited the canyon. After a bumpy bus ride back to the Antelope Slot Canyon Tours center, we hopped in our car & drove just a few minutes away to another natural beauty – Horseshoe Bend. We just managed to find a parking spot in the crowded lot and we joined the throng of tourists hoping to see this beautiful spot in the golden light of sunset.

As we approached the overlook, I let out an audible gasp. Horseshoe Bend was so much bigger and more magnificent than I had imagined. Standing at the edge of a thousand foot drop, I had the familiar plummeting feeling in my stomach as I became all too aware of my humanity. But the view was worth it. Settled on top of deep green trees and surrounded by blue water, the sandstone reached up toward the orange sky with an unassuming beauty. As the landscape darkened, Joseph and I remained at the overlook, marveling at its grandeur, until the sun disappeared entirely behind the distant red rocks. Only then did we trudge back to our car, with another four hour drive the only thing we had to look forward to.

As we drove home, we gazed at the purple & orange streaked sky with satisfied smiles. It had been a perfect day, filled with incredible sights and new adventures. It was everything I ever want from my life – exploring and appreciating this beautiful place I have been given to live my lifetime, with the person I was given to spend it with. 

“This Beautiful Life” by Colony House began to play, and Joseph turned up the car’s speakers as we drove in silence. I was reminded of why we had come to Arizona – the loss we had experienced, and the pain and grief that comes with life. But in this moment, all I felt was peace. Life is short, & you never know when your time is up. But the canyons had been the spiritual experience I needed – their grandeur has been here for millions of years, and it will remain for many more lifetimes after mine is over. My place in this world is fleeting, & yet, that makes it no less beautiful & meaningful. There is something more to this life, & I will spend the rest of my existence chasing that meaning in the stripes of color in sandstone, from the tops of mountain peaks, and the feeling when Joseph slips his hand in mine. 

As the song says, “Maybe I’m a part of something that’s bigger than me, like I’m a page in a book in a library, & inside my heart there’s a dying part that’s always searching, ‘cause I know that there’s a place where I belong.” 

I will never stop searching this world because there is more to this beautiful life, & I want to experience as much of it as I can before I am called home for the last time. 

P.S. Here is the Let’s Go playlist so you can listen on your next adventure 🙂