“Sometimes, I wish you’d pay more attention to my favorite songs because the lyrics sing words I’m too scared to say.” -unknown
When I was a teenager, this was one of my favorite quotes. I used to think about it as I listened to music with deep lyrics, feeling like no one understood.
Since then, I have learned that I am not, in fact, alone, and that I do not have to rely on artists and their creative works to express my feelings. I have a voice of my own.
However, I still love the idea that music speaks deeper into the soul than words do alone. I think that’s true. There’s something about the swell of instruments behind the perfect, poetic lyrics that have the ability to move people to tears or to dance.
Music has always been a big part of my life. I have pictures of me with an instrument in my hands before I could walk. Music is a gene that runs in my family the way blue eyes or crooked toes pass through the generations in others.
When Joseph and I first met, we realized we had a lot of similarities, including a shared love of music. We are both pianists, and we have similar tastes in the music we listen to. It may seem silly to some, but for both of us, enjoying the same type of music was a requirement of the person we dated. Music is such a big part of both of our lives, neither of us could imagine being in a relationship with someone who didn’t like the same music we did.
Joseph and I spent almost the entirety of our second date driving around in his car, talking and listening to music. This also happened to be the date that I fell head over heels for him.
Since that date, we have continued to listen to, share, and create music together. Joseph created a playlist for us in the second month of our relationship, and we have been curating it ever since. And since the very first time we listened to music together, I can always expect when I hop into Joseph’s car that he will have a new song to share with me.
So, it is only fitting that on the first day of our Colorado road trip, I found the perfect driving activity for us on Pinterest: A guide for making a soundtrack playlist for our lives. We had so much fun choosing meaningful songs, ordering them according to our life story, and sharing the playlists with one another.
While listening to our playlists, I was brought back to that quote from my teenage years. The lyrics in those songs, placed in a particular order, did a better job of telling my life story than I could ever write. I felt like anyone who listened to that playlist would be able to get to know so much about me in just a little over an hour. Music has a way of capturing and sharing the human soul in such a powerful way, and that playlist had the whisperings of my soul written all over it.
So, without further ado, here is my playlist, and my reasons for choosing each song. I hope you enjoy listening, and if you have the chance, please create your own “life soundtrack” and leave the song names or link in the comments. I would love the chance to listen and get to know you a little better, too.
Opening credits – I Love Me by Demi Lovato (E)
When this song came out, I felt like the lyrics spoke directly into my heart. It’s such a perfect way to describe the internal struggle I have felt all of my life. I am a perfectionist, and I always find myself striving to be better. Honestly, most of the time, I just want to feel “good enough.” In the last year, I have learned how important it is to love myself – I need to love myself in order to love anyone else well. It’s been a journey getting to this point, and I think it is something I will continue to struggle with for the rest of my life. But I think the continued struggle and growth in this area of my life makes this the perfect opening song for my “soundtrack.” Plus, it’s upbeat, powerful melody makes it a great song to start off a movie and accompany the opening credits.
Waking up – Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen
I actually have gotten ready to this song…many, many times. It gets me moving and motivated for my day. I can just see the movie montage of my early morning routine playing along with this song.
Break up – The Breakup Song by Francesca Battistelli
I’m going out of order now, but I wanted to arrange the songs toreflect my life. My last big relationship ended before I went to college. However, this song speaks to more than just that relationship. The other thing I had to break up with before leaving for school was the actual subject of this song: Fear. I had always been naturally academic, but my health declined so sharply my junior year of high school that I had to leave. My senior year, I never stepped foot in my high school; instead, I took classes at the local college so I could schedule them around the times of day that I felt my worst. The idea of leaving home and going to a university after graduation, something I had always been excited about, started to terrify me. I didn’t know how I was going to manage the stress of school, a job, and taking care of my health. But, as Ellen Johnson Sirleaf said, “If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.” So, I enrolled at Stevenson University, put my faith in God, and left the life I knew to pursue my dream. I have never regretted that decision.
First day of school – Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons
Like I mentioned, starting college was a big step and took a lot of perseverance. I think this song perfectly captures, not just the first day of school, but every day after that. I was doing whatever it took to graduate. And while my focus was spent on that, I lost myself a bit, which leads into the next song.
Fight song – Even If by MercyMe
When I was making my playlist, I didn’t even think twice in choosing my fight song. It was only when Joseph mentioned his choice (the much more upbeat Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin) that I realized the prompt probably meant a song that makes you move, not an introspective song. But, for me, that battle has always been internal. After being diagnosed with so many different chronic illnesses, my faith in God began to waiver. I didn’t understand why such a heavy burden had been placed on my life. God’s answer to me came in a song. Even If by MercyMe tackles the difficult topic of keeping faith even in the midst of the struggle, especially when that struggle doesn’t have an end date. It’s a moving piece that has always brought me tears and emboldened me to take on any challenge that comes my way. My faith, no matter what happens, is in God and his unfailing love.
Graduation – New Start by Weary Friend
I feel like this song beautifully captured how it felt when I graduated. I didn’t have much of a direction in mind. My first plan was to spend the summer running across the country as part of the Ulman Foundation’s 4K for Cancer program. Because of this commitment, I had not been able to line up a job yet, so I couldn’t envision much of the future beyond the summer season. But, for some reason, this didn’t really bother me. I trusted that everything was going to work out for the best, and I threw myself entirely into whatever the next adventure was going to be.
Falling in love – Could I Love You Any More? by Reneé Dominique ft. Jason Mraz
Just before graduating, I met the love my life. A little over a month into our relationship, he surprised me during a hike with his speaker and our first dance. This was the song he chose. I never could have picked a better song for us. Every day of our relationship, I have felt like I could not possibly love him any more than I already do, and yet, every day, I love him more than the last
Mental breakdown – In My Blood by Shawn Mendes
My health failed me again, the career opportunities did not pan out as expected, and some difficult circumstances had stripped me of my self-confidence. And I felt like it was all my fault. This was the song I listened to, the volume cranked up as far as it would go on my headphones, wondering where it had all gone wrong.
Flashback – Yellow by Coldplay
Joseph was the person who pulled me out of that dark place. He gave me the support and love I needed, and he reminded me of my faith in God. As we talked one day, this song started to play. It’s the earliest song I can remember listening to on repeat. When I was young, all I knew was that yellow was my favorite color, so I loved the song. As I grew older, I fell in love with the lyrics, and I dreamed of a man one day playing this song for me. Joseph fulfilled that dream, and he far surpassed so many others.
Job/Career – If I was by Susto
I started to grow my holistic health business, Evolve, while continuing to pursue my freelance writing career. The common strain between both of these jobs, and everything I have ever done, is that I just want to help people and love them well. I feel this song captures that sentiment in such a poetic way.
Wedding – At Last by Etta James
Now, we are looking into the future, because these moments have not yet occurred. But I picked the songs I thought were most appropriate. For my wedding, I chose this song, because Joseph and I both love of jazz music, and we plan on playing ‘40s music at our wedding. This song particularly captures that feeling of comfort and contentment when you know you have found the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
Birth of a child – Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift
Life is beautiful, but it is full of pain. I know when I have a child, I am going to want to shelter him or her from all of that, even though I can’t. This song, with instrumentals reminiscent of a lullaby, is that hopeful message of a mother to her child.
Life – Fix You by Coldplay
This is my “trailer song.” I always imagined that if my life were made into a movie, this would be the song during the trailer. I have always loved this song. It’s comforting yet honest. Life is hard; but together, we can mend our broken parts.
celebration of life
Being an old hag – Dream by Priscilla Ahn
I really hope that I never become so ornery and impatient that people describe me as a “hag,” so I chose instead to find a song that is how I hope to feel when reflecting back on life in my old age. I feel like this song describes me perfectly as a child, and then as a teenager and young adult. So, hopefully, one day it will describe me in my old age as well.
Death – Stuff We Did by Michael Giacchino
On my third date with Joseph, we went for a ten-mile hike, but I’m not sure if it was actually supposed to be that long. We got lost in the woods for a while. When we broke through the trees, Joseph called out, “Adventure is out there!” With my thumb stuck up, I responded, “Adventure is out there.” He loved that I got the reference, and we discovered then our mutual love for Disney’s and Pixar’s “Up.” “Adventure is out there” has become the tagline of our relationship. So, for my death, I couldn’t think of a better song than that poignantly beautiful piano melody that plays when the main character, Carl Fredricksen, looks back over the pictures of his life with Ellie, his recently deceased wife. It’s a bittersweet moment, one that makes my eyes well up with tears every time I watch it. I hope that, when I die, it’s the good memories that are focused on, rather than the pain of departure from this life.
Funeral – To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra and Patrick Watson
There is so much that we will build together in life, but one day, it will turn to dust. At that time, let’s not focus on what we have lost, but on the joy of the journey we took together. Life, and what we create in it, is finite, but love and its power is eternal.
Ending Credits Song One – Three Little Birds by Branches
The first time I heard this song, I thought it should be a part of a movie soundtrack. It’s a cover of the song by Bob Marley, but it is so very different from the original version. Instead of an upbeat, fun tune, it’s powerful and touching. The message, however, remains the same: Everything is going to be alright. I cannot think of a better ending to my story.
Ending Credits Song Two – Somewhere In Between by August Wilhelmsson
Ending credits in movies normally have two songs, one with lyrics and one without, so I thought it only appropriate that I do the same for my movie. This is a song I have often played during my meditations. It reminds me of just how small I am in this universe, but how very precious my life still is. This song makes me stop and notice the beauty of the world around me. It’s the song that makes me pause and just be for a moment. At the end of my movie, that is what I would hope the viewer would do, too. Pause for a moment. Breathe. Feel your heart beating within in your chest. Recognize the fragility of life, and consider, not how that truth limits our experience on earth, but how it makes it more precious. Let gratitude fill your soul. And just be.
P.S. I also wanted to include the link to Joseph’s playlist. He has amazing taste in music (I often believe it’s better than mine, but don’t tell him that), and his playlist beautifully captures his life and who he is.
Opening credits – Morning Sun by Melody Gardot
Waking up – Breathe (In the Air) by Pink Floyd
First day of school – Thus Little Light of Mine by Rend Collective
Break Up – Moving on and Getting Over by John Mayer
Fight song – Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin
Mental breakdown – 1-800-273-8255 by Logic
Falling in Love – Could I Love You Any More? by Reneé Dominique ft. Jason Mraz
Graduation – It’s been a long, long time by Harry James
Wedding – No Matter Where You Are (Wedding Version) by Us the Duo
Career/Job – You Do You by Jason Mraz ft. Tiffany Haddish
Birth of a child – It’s You I Like by Ellie Schmidly
Life – Living of Love by The Avett Brothers
Flashback – A Little Bit of Everything by Dawes
Being an old hag – Retired by Carl Broemel
Death – No Hard Feelings by The Avett Brothers
Funeral – On the Nature of Daylight by Max Richter
End Credits song one – Sweet Dreams by Roy Buchanan
End credits song two – Smile by Nat King Cole