It was your laugh that first captured my heart. It was one of those unique, true laughs, one that shook your entire body. Your smile was wide and genuine. Your hazel eyes were so bright they lit up your entire face. You made me laugh, too, the first authentic laugh I had experienced in a long time. I laughed more in that half hour with you than I had in the last year of my life.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I felt when I first met you. It wasn’t the usual attraction of a crush or the awkward first greetings of two strangers. When I talked to you, it was as if the two of us had been friends for years. Our souls knew each other before our hearts or minds did. Your eyes met mine, and I just knew, deep in my being, that there was something special about you.
Falling in love with you felt different than anything I had ever experienced before. It was different from the shakiness and clamminess of a first date. It was deeper than the butterflies at the first spark of attraction. It was a warmth that touched my soul and filled me from head to toe.
With you, I felt that on the second date. You and I drove around in your car, listening to music and talking about things people normally wait to share until far later in the relationship. I didn’t want the date to end. For the first time in my life, I was willing to be late to class, willing to skip school just to spend a few more minutes with you. I knew at that moment that I was going to marry you one day.
I remember sitting on my couch a few weeks later, when you told me you loved me. The next morning, the two of us watched the sun rise over the water, listening the caw of seagulls and the crashing waves. The sky blushed pink as I leaned my head on your shoulder. With you, I felt safe and comfortable.
I remember our first fight. I remember the yells, the tears of anguish, the sleepless night. It felt as if my heart had been wrenched out of my chest. I had not known before then that heartache is not just a metaphor – it is a physical pain when you are hurt by someone you love.
You and I made up the following day. The two of us ran to each other from across a parking lot like a scene from a movie. You brought me flowers and promised you loved me, that you were going to make things right. I knew that fight was not going to be our last. There would be many more disagreements, and the two of us would be hurt many more times in the future. But I knew that day, whatever life threw at us, I could count on you to work through it with me. Together, the two of us would always make things right again. That day, “you and I” became “we,” ready to take on the world together.
Our first holiday season together was full of new experiences and an undeniable warmth, despite the chill of the outdoors. For you, the days were filled with new rituals that would become traditions. For me, there were the thrilling days spent in the mountains, gliding down the snow at an alarming rate, feeling the rush of adrenaline in my veins as I went skiing for the first time. Catching my breath at the bottom of the mountain, I realized that with you, I was the person I had always wanted to be. You made me brave and strong – you made me believe that I could do absolutely anything. And I knew together we would tackle many more mountains.
February was bliss, and then came the dark month of March, when everyone in the entire world hid in their homes and watched the news with fear. In an instant, without me even realizing it was happening, we were separated, merely hours apart but with no way of being able to see one another. It was a month that should have tested us, but we only grew closer. Late night phone calls and vague plans about the future gave us hope. When we finally made the decision to risk seeing each other again, I held on to you as tight as I could and promised myself that I wouldn’t let you go for so long ever again.
April passed, and then May dwindled away as well. Before I knew it, I found myself in the warm days of summer, though it seemed the world was still stuck in the wintry blues. Jobs had been lost, rioters were destroying cities, and a looming pandemic had us all fearing what tomorrow would bring. But now I was experiencing all of the chaos with you, and somehow, that made everything feel okay. I had found my home away from home.
It was my idea to have a staycation. It would be a little mental break from all the worrying and stress. We could still enjoy our summer without ever having to travel too far from your house. I planned a week of activities. I knew it was going to be a week full of memories. I had no idea just how memorable the week was going to be.
We relaxed at home, tried new foods, and near the end of the week, we traveled around the state of Maryland. I always knew life was about the journey, not the destination, but never did that sentiment feel so true as it did driving in the car with you. We listened to music, told stories, and laughed all day. It was just with minutes to spare that we actually reached our final destination, an overlook with a perfect view of the setting sun. Out of breath from running to catch the view before it disappeared, we embraced one another. Life is a beautiful journey, and I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of it chasing sunsets with you.
Little did I know you had the same idea. It was your idea to have a fancy picnic on the final day of our staycation. We dressed up in our finest clothes, made fresh Italian food with ingredients from a farmer’s market, and drove to the pavilion where, just a year ago, you had asked me to dance for the first time. We hiked through the trees up a rocky hill, which led us to a meadow filled with tall grass and small, yellow flowers. The pavilion sat in the center, waiting for us with a hidden secret it only shared with you, just as it had a year ago.
White flower petals led the way to the wooden beams adorned with bright sunflowers. Draped against the back of the pavilion was a white blanket. In flowing script against the backdrop, I read the words: “Of all the walks we have taken, this one is my favorite.”
It was too perfect. Too perfect to be true. Too perfect to be for me. You held out your hand and asked me to dance, and I, still hesitant to believe, agreed uncertainly. You played our song, the words of which still ringing as true as they did the day you first played it for me.
Could I love you any more?
Could I love you any more? It’s a question I have asked myself every day spent with you. Every day, it feels as if my heart will burst with how much love I have for you. Yet, somehow, every day my heart grows a little more. Every day, I find more reasons to adore you. Every day, I fall even more madly in love with you.
Could I love you any more? Even as I write this, I don’t think it’s possible. But I know I love you more than I did yesterday, and yesterday I loved you even more than I did the day before.
Because love is a choice. It’s not something that happens passively. It’s not the butterflies on a first date or the spark you feel the first time you hold hands. Love was what I found at the beginning of our relationship, when we both chose to take a chance to be vulnerable with another person. Love was what I found during our first fight, when we both decided to make the effort to make things right and to grow together. Love was what I found when you were willing to try new traditions and do the things that I loved, even if they weren’t the things you most wanted to do. Love was what I found when I went skiing down that mountain, even though my knees were shaking and my heart was pounding and I had never been more scared in my life, because it was something you loved to do. Love was what I found when the entire world was separated, yet we still chose to work on us, to keep growing stronger, even though the distance was threatening to pull us apart. Love was what I found during every trial we faced, when we chose to love each other despite any reason there was to turn away.
Love is a choice. And I choose you. I will always choose you, every day, for the rest of my life. You are my home and my adventure all at once. No matter what each day brings, no matter if it is a day filled with laughter or tears, it is a joy to be spending my life with you. I choose us. I choose you.
So when you bent down on one knee, it wasn’t even a question. As our song says, the question was practically rhetorical. Will I marry you? Could I possibly love you any more? The answer is, and will always be, yes…and I do.